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Hurling Crowbirds at Mockingbars- Buddy Wakefield

If we were created in God’s image then when God was a child he smushed fire ants with his fingertips and avoided tough questions. There are ways around being the go-to person even for ourselves even when the answer is clear like the holy water Gentiles drank before they realized Forgiveness is the release of all hope for a better past. I thought those were chime shells in your pocket so I chucked a quarter at it hoping to hear some part of you respond on a high note. You acted like I was hurling crowbirds at mockingbars and abandoned me for not making sense. Evidently, I don’t experience things as rationally as you do. For example, I know mercy when I have enough money to change the jukebox at a gay bar (somebody’s gotta change that shit). You understand the power of God’s mercy whenever someone shoves a stick of morphine straight up into your heart. It felt amazing the days you were happy to see me so I smashed a beehive against the ocean to try and make our splash last longer. Remember all the honey had me lookin’ like a jellyfish ape but you walked off the water in a porcupine of light strands of gold drizzling out to the tips of your wasps. This is an apology letter to the both of us for how long it took me to let things go. It was not my intention to make such a production of the emptiness between us playing tuba on the tombstone of a soprano to try and keep some dead singer’s perspective alive. It’s just that I coulda swore you had sung me a love song back there and that you meant it but I guess sometimes people just chew with their mouth open so I ate ear plugs alive with my throat hoping they’d get lodged deep enough inside the empty spots that I wouldn’t have to hear you leaving so I wouldn’t have to listen to my heart keep saying all my eggs were in a basket of red flags all my eyes to a bucket of blindfolds in the cupboard with the muzzles and the gauze ya know I didn’t mean to speed so far out and off trying to drive all your nickels to the well when you were happy to let them wishes drop but I still show up for gentleman practice in the company of lead dancers hoping their grace will get stuck in my shoes. Is that a handsome shadow on my breath, sweet woman or is it a cattle call in a school of fish? Still dance with me less like a waltz for panic more for the way we’d hoped to swing the night we took off everything and we were swingin’ for the fences don’t hold it against my love you know I wanna breath deeper than this you know I didn’t mean to look so serious didn’t mean to act like a filthy floor didn’t mean to turn us both into a cutting board but there were knives s-stuck in the words where I came from too much time in the back of my words. I pulled knives from my back and my words. I cut trombones from the moment you slipped away and I know it left me lookin’ like a knife fight, lady yeah you know it left me feelin’ like a shotgun shell you know I know I mighta gone and lost my breath but I wanna show ya how I found my breath to death it was buried under all the wind instruments hidden in your castanets goddamn if ya ever wanna know how it felt when ya left yeah if you ever wanna come inside just knock on the spot where I finally pressed STOP playing musical chairs with exit signs. I’m gonna cause you a miracle when you see the way I kept God’s image alive. Forgiveness is for anybody who needs a safe passage through my mind. If I was really created in God’s image then when God was a boy he wanted to grow up to be a man a good man and when God was a man a good man He started telling the truth in order to get honest responses. He’d say, “I know. I really shoulda wore my cross again but I don’t wanna scare the gentiles off.

@kalopsia

Aug 9, 2024

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FIRDANCER; O’sweet, O’Belov’D

My mind is made of bubbles Synapses pop here and there Take me in different directions Through alleyways and down steep stairs My emotions come and go like the mornings receding tide Shift like piss swift dribbling down drainage pipes and play-place slides My words are drool upon your feet My eyes are hung like frozen coals Or snot that freezes and puddles In jacket arms, on brand new clothes The mirror is a needle but these ropes are all the same I built my house on a rock in sands so that I can be displaced by strange rogue waves Sometimes screaming doesn’t help Today I can’t talk at all Self harm gets only a couple chuckles when friends come round to call My loves tears taste like cinnamon I can’t swallow without spitting up Ones once loved don’t talk to me because my medicine makes me less fun I cry every other night over folks I chose to hang around My room is set on fire every time I say something and don’t like how it sounds Good grief, bang the drum all day

@a2den

Dec 29, 2024

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resignation - nikki giovanni

I love you             because the Earth turns round the sun             because the North wind blows north                  sometimes             because the Pope is Catholic                  and most Rabbis Jewish             because the winters flow into springs                  and the air clears after a storm             because only my love for you                  despite the charms of gravity                  keeps me from falling off this Earth                  into another dimension I love you             because it is the natural order of things I love you             like the habit I picked up in college                  of sleeping through lectures                  or saying I’m sorry                  when I get stopped for speeding             because I drink a glass of water                  in the morning                  and chain-smoke cigarettes                  all through the day             because I take my coffee Black                  and my milk with chocolate             because you keep my feet warm                  though my life a mess I love you             because I don’t want it                  any other way I am helpless             in my love for you It makes me so happy             to hear you call my name I am amazed you can resist             locking me in an echo chamber             where your voice reverberates             through the four walls             sending me into spasmatic ecstasy I love you             because it’s been so good             for so long             that if I didn’t love you             I’d have to be born again             and that is not a theological statement I am pitiful in my love for you The Dells tell me Love             is so simple             the thought though of you             sends indescribably delicious multitudinous             thrills throughout and through-in my body I love you             because no two snowflakes are alike             and it is possible             if you stand tippy-toe             to walk between the raindrops I love you             because I am afraid of the dark                  and can’t sleep in the light             because I rub my eyes                  when I wake up in the morning                  and find you there             because you with all your magic powers were                  determined that I should love you             because there was nothing for you but that I would love you I love you             because you made me                  want to love you             more than I love my privacy                  my freedom          my commitments                       and responsibilities I love you ’cause I changed my life             to love you             because you saw me one Friday                  afternoon and decided that I would love you I love you I love you I love you

@tiff

Feb 11, 2025

Top Recs from @mommyslilstinker

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2000s music for the soul

I fucking love it IM YOUR BIGGEST FAN ILL FOLLOW YOU UNTIL YOU LOVE ME PAPA PAPARAZIIIIIII

@mommyslilstinker

May 5, 2024

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Mourning my long hair

Like a dear friend . I miss how when I would smoke a cigarette it would settle into my hair , blanketing a preexisting layer of perfume. I love the way smoke seeps into the fabric of my car, my clothes, even into my skin. Smells like my parents, my grandparents. Our old house. Dads gold Lincoln towncar that we got shot at in. And last time I saw one of those, I was picking dad up from jail, and its license plate read TRULOVE.

@mommyslilstinker

Dec 14, 2024

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Loneliness is better!

Loneliness prevails! I would much rather live purely in solitude for ever and ever than waste another precious second in the presence of someone who has little skin in the game of knowing me or seeing me. Hearing me! I wonder why you keep me around if all your hearts desire is to hear the sound of your own voice. It makes no difference if it’s me or anyone for that matter. For all you know or even care I am merely an ottoman for you to rest your feet on, or a coffee table meant simply to pedestal your various notebook scrawlings and half-read books. I am a file cabinet. I have it here, dated, what you Thought and what you felt about work, or about your friends. ask me, I have it all. And I loved it. I loved knowing you. I wanted to. I investigated and interrogated. I poured over it all with great curiosity, praying for all my red threads to weave a tapestry of you. but I can’t remember the last time you asked me something about myself. When the opportunity arises, and god forbid, I Take it, you can barely hold your breath. Its like a shark sensing blood. You just can’t wait to talk talk talk talk talk. But hey, it’s your life, and baby, I’m just living in it.

@mommyslilstinker

Dec 10, 2024