My mother was a womenās studies and English lecturer at our local university and my dad is an artist and musician so I grew up going to gallery openings, university faculty gatherings, and hippie parties with live jam bands and drum circles and the occasional belly dancer lol. I grew up surrounded by books and art and nature, amongst bright and talented people, many of whom were outspoken, unapologetic oddballs. I was never forced to sit at the kidsā table so I listened to a lot of their discussions and learned about the worldā¦ and about many swear words. It made me kind of an odd person.
My paternal grandfathers on both sides were southern so I was exposed to that culture pretty extensively, though I was one generation removed and lived in the southwest. Growing up in a border town, the majority of people were Latinx and Spanish speaking, so thatās the broader culture I grew up around!
1d ago
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here are 3 of my most exciting pieces of lore:
1) my dad was in the south tower on 9/11 and he made it out, but was still in the building when the plane hit. the plane went through his office window, but he was already evacuating and on around the 40th floor when the plane hit
2) my paternal grandfather (jewish) was born in austria but his family moved to milan in ā33/34 when hitler came into power. in ā44 when the nazis occupied northern italy, his family escaped into the mountains northeast of milan near bergamo (he was about 13 or 14 years old at this point). his family helped smuggle guns to the partisans since they could speak german with an austrian accent and bypass nazi checkpoints. my grandfather had to shoot a fascist at one checkpoint going wrong, and so at 14 he joined the partisans full-on and lived with them until the war ended. i have a bunch of photos from his time with the partisans (attached some). apparently the group he was specifically with was led by this kinda crazy guy who threatened the security of the whole partisan operations, so he was actually killed by other communist partisans. a few years ago i found a man who researches this exact group in bergamo, and now i have an 80 yr old italian pen-pal who published some photos of my grandfather in his book.
3) my maternal grandfather was orphaned really young in cuba and was really poor. he met my grandmother when he saw her riding her bike down the street and instantly fell in love with her (yes, just like cinema paradiso). she was really rich and her family hated him, so he would wait outside her window just to see her. eventually they get married and have my eldest uncle (because love always perseveres). this part of the story is fuzzy, but i believe he got into some gambling issues and so my grandmothers family shipped him to the US (probably with hopes of getting rid of him for good). but he began to build a life for his family there. then the revolution happened and he continued to go back and forth, but then castro put in the policy that children born in cuba had to stay, so they moved to nyc permanently. but my grandfather loved castro, as most cubans did. so my family is not part of the typical exile cuban-american demographic, which i always found fascinating.
Feb 19, 2024
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both of my parents are american and from berkeley, california, where i was also born and raised. my mom is black, with a little bit of native american but the cultural aspect of her native american heritage was lost over the years. also an only child. my dad is ukrainian ashkenazi jewish, 3rd generation in the US, so doesnāt speak yiddish. he has 2 sisters and a half sister.
my momās family has mostly passed away to this point so 90% of extended family things were with my dadās side, and the jewish culture is interesting insofar as everyone is pretty well read & likes to talk politics/world issues. normally like 5 conversations going on there at once especially during meals. if anything, heās very much an overcommunicator and has a tendency for intellectual removal, partially due to white privilege partially due to who he is as a person
momās family, i donāt remember a ton but they mostly donāt talk much, were always nice people though, not cold just quiet. she does not communicate well at all, often assumes other people think the way she does, and doesnāt listen well either.
this leads to basically constant clash and unequal compromise over what i believe to be the core issue of being raised with completely different communication styles and the lack of will from one side to do much work to change that. itās often a pain in the ass but really interesting to see sometimes when iām home
Apr 20, 2024
šæ
My maternal grandfather was a general and buried with a neatly folded American flag. My paternal grandfather was a violinist and an attorney.
His grandfather was blindfolded, forced to kneel, and shot in the back, murdered by Spanish conquistadors. There is a statue of him and 12 others in his hometown. For uprising against enslavery and protecting our people from Spain.
My Dad taught me to carry God in my heart, not in the church. It was a neighbor's confessional that *named names* and had them killed. Are you in heaven now? Was it your salvation? Did the priests pardon you and save your soul for sacrificing your people?
My parents tried to keep me quiet and avoid calling racism what it is.
For your safety. For your safety.
Stay alive.
15h ago
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āLife shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.ā
ā AnaĆÆs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that Iāve safely landed at the start of my new life. Itās honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think itās important to share.
Iāve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, weād have been together for 11 years, and weāve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with peopleāto rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. Heās been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. Iāve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
Iāve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitelyābut someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial andĀ logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and itās going to be tough for a while but Iām going to be better than okay!
Now Iām opening up to you. This isnāt the only abuse Iāve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolationāand breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me š
Mar 16, 2025
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebodyābe it a relative or one of my best friendsāwas to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too š
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ā
š
Feb 27, 2025