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I caught a cold earlier this week and decided to ignore its subtle, yet deleterious and lingering effects on my body. On the fourth day (yesterday), after high-intensity training and taking two capsules of psilocybin, I decided to drive to the local cafĆ© to put in some more work. Iād been listening to this song all dayāmy head was rolling. If there was ever a moment that Iād felt closer to damnation, it was when I walked into the building and wished for complete annihilation. This isnāt anything newāIāve experienced these episodes on and off since I was a child. But something about this particular bout made me realize I should be grateful, judge less, and have mercy. I called loved ones to tell them how sorry I was for words Iād said and actions I committed that may have hurt themāalmost as a final act of salvation before my ultimate oblivion.
I met Lucifer at the bleeding edge, shrieked into the voidāwith one last gesture of love, forgiveness, and meaningāand anchored myself back to earth.
ā
This song is something potent!
1d ago
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When he said
.
āAll life is suffering
That basks in nothingness
All life is temporary
What lasts is consciousnessā
.
ā¦I felt that.
Dec 28, 2024
Iāve thought about this waaaaay too much.
at the end of my movie, im old, completely alone, and dying of lung cancer. in the hospital, my heart flatlines. The nurse has left the room, busy with other patients. No one notices Iāve died.
This song starts playing. the credits start rolling over the following scene:
cut to me on a vast, empty road somewhere in rural idaho. a border collie leads me down the vacant road. she runs back and forth across the road, barking at me, telling me to keep following her. we are utterly free. no one but the two of us. i smile.
Jul 19, 2024
i value repetition & loudness (volume & atmosphere) for my meltdown music . both of these songs (by julian casablancas & the voidz + sufjan stevens) have almost meditative flows that you can tap into especially when listening loud & on repeat , building until they are all encompassing .
the heavy distorted riff in sadness & the mantra of i want to be well (iām not fucking around!) have been steady accompaniments to many of my meltdowns , spiritual & otherwise .
tbt to scream/crying i want to be well in the car on calgary highways š¤š„²
Aug 18, 2024
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Last week, I went to see a friend of a friend's band perform at the Williamsburg Music Hall and ran into a music engineering colleague I hadn't seen in a whileāwe exchanged updates, mine about producing in Argentina and his about being in Ohio for a month. Just a while before that, I'd unfollowed hundreds of people, an attempt to purge myself from slop and banal posting.
After running into him at the show, I of course got served one of his posts on my FYP about a project heād worked on with an upcoming artist, Avara. Iāve been listening to the album all dayāthink Jhene Aiko if she were Desi.
1d ago