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Women who opt not to be mothers are frequently warned that they will regret their decision later in life, yet we rarely talk about the possibility that the opposite might also be true-that women who have children might regret it. Drawing on years of research interviewing women from a variety of socioeconomic, educational, and professional backgrounds, sociologist Orna Donath treats regret as a feminist issue: as regret marks the road not taken, we need to consider whether alternative paths for women currently are blocked off. She asks that we pay attention to what is forbidden by rules governing motherhood, time, and emotion, including the cultural assumption that motherhood is a "natural" role for women-for the sake of all women, not just those who regret becoming mothers.
If we are disturbed by the idea that a woman might regret becoming a mother, Donath says, our response should not be to silence and shame these women; rather, we need to ask honest and difficult questions about how society pushes women into motherhood and why those who reconsider it are still seen as a danger to the status quo.
May 11, 2025
Related Recs
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I’ve noticed a counter culture movement brewing online where the emphasis seems to be on rejecting neoliberal ideas of individualism and increasingly atomized living as a sort of virtue for the sake of our children who would suffer at the hands of climate catastrophe or just the cold hard reality of consciousnesses. Accounts like @carnivoreaurelius or @saveyoursons offer practical advice about the benefits of high quality red meats, the dangers of seed oils, not sunning your asshole enough and soulless dating apps. They provide some respite from the nauseating reality of the current leftist ideology that’s left a lot of us childless at 30 because of eugenicist level logic like “why would I contribute to our planet’s overpopulation issue?”. Pundits like Jordan Peterson and Candace Owens have built entire careers off this grift of “no nonsense” steps to a better, more righteous life. Don’t get me wrong, are these neoconservative pysops? Sure. But at this point it’s just about choosing which psyop makes life on Earth tolerable for you. I grew up in a culture that shunned the idea of marriage and children altogether because it reminded us of the traumatic lives our female ancestors just had to accept due to their lack of autonomy. Some cope by stating how relieved they are to enjoy their 20s without the responsibility of family and that they have plenty of time not realizing how hard pregnancy is on the body after the age of 32 or how expensive it is to freeze your eggs or adopt. I was repulsed by the idea for most of my life and then it hit me about a year ago…without a solid partner and cute fat babies around, life is kind of a hollow boring nightmare.
Dec 6, 2022
Profile on women in attendance at a pronatalist convention... woof
Apr 21, 2025
publication from a newsletter on the more conservative side but an interesting theory to chew on
Nov 12, 2024
Top Recs from @killer
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I feel like 12 is a wonderful place to start. 1 book a month. Keep it in your bathroom. Beside your bed. Where you eat your meals. Please read this year. It's one of the best things you can do for yourself. and for me, and for everyone who you'll tell, I'm reading again, and you should read with me too. Take pictures or screencaps of passages and send them to your friends. Read funny, easy books, evil and upsetting books, books that are boring but are still satisfying to finish. Go to the library. Challenge yourself. You will feel better, you'll feel proud of yourself, and you'll banish the negative moodlet of being mad or ashamed at yourself for not reading. It's ok that you haven't been. You had your reasons and it doesn't do any good to beat up on yourself. That was then and this was now. Start a book tomorrow bc it is a new day :)
Jan 1, 2025
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I don't listen to any AI generated playlists because I prefer to hear ones curated by people. I love sharing music as a human to human thing. It's also dismaying how music streaming services prioritize the songs of artists whose management pay them, etc.
It's so fun to simply browse anonymous person's curated lists instead on top of sharing with friends. It's never been easier to peek into someone else's semi-private music preference and walk their landscape. Just today I found a person who's made dozens of playlists for specific beanie babies (!), all with no saves or likes.
We don't need AI driven sorting to develop taste and find things we like. Break out of the corral with me and run free. Let's see what's over the hill
Aug 6, 2024
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be giving, accept graciously, be thankful, withdraw when it's wise
Jul 20, 2024