Im always congested. I have a weak sense of smell. I now understand that this is because I have been picking my nose very aggressively nonstop since I was 3 years old when my mother told me to stop picking. Yes I’m an idiot. There’s a reason on TV shows the stupid kid is always picking his nose going DUUUUUHHH. That’s me. I should have listened to my mom. I think that first act of rebellion totally fucked me for the rest of my life. Everything else has been some reconfiguration of the secret pleasure and shame i felt while i continued to pick; not just ignoring my mother’s wishes but actively, spitefully defying them. I apologize. I understand that this is disgusting. I’m turning over a new leaf now. I just ordered nasal spray with baking soda in it. This will moisten my nasal canal and decongest me. The irritation and inflammation will subside. With it, my need and desire to pick. I do not want to get septum perforations, I do not want to permanently alter the structure of my nose. I don’t want any more pain in my nose. I want to smell things. I understand now, I understand that every time I dig out my nose, scratching and tearing at the skin and mucus and rolling it up and flicking it out at the world; I understand that I prevent myself from smelling a flower, from clearly inhaling a cool evening breeze. I understand that I display this exact same pattern via a myriad of other behaviors. I dig out the ugly and make myself blind to the beautiful. I think the nasal spray will help. It’ll clear me out
