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"Stay hungry and stay foolish" is about the posture of humility, of curiosity, of intentional unknowning.
You think you know her. It's true: you do, enough to get married. But she's complex and marvelous and nearly infinite. Know that you'll never really know everythingābut take joy in being a perpetual student of her. Seek to discover, uncover, and be surprised every day. And tomorrow she'll be a little bit different than today and really different in a year. That's wonderful. The she that you married won't be the she in ten years. Endless delights and discovery.
Violently avoid complacency in your marriage. Be comfortable together but avoid getting too comfortable. Don't take her for granted. And if you feel like she's taking you for granted, then tell her you feel that wayāsay it lovingly, over dinner and with champagne and with a smileābut definitely say something.
Say something. If you can't let it go and forgive it, then you've got to surface it. Mercilessly evict those little offenses, don't let them fester into toxic walls.
You're probably wrong. Keep that in mind. You might think you are definitely right. Well, she also thinks she's definitely right. In every conversation and conflict hold space for the possibility that you are wrong. That way you don't end up being the jerk who can't admit errorāor the jerk who lords your rightness over her. Be humble in being wrong and gracious in being right.
Be teachable. You're going to have to be teachable as you enter into this next stage in life and as you move through other stages and expansions that may follow. What's served you well up until this point has been good, but it will be inadequate to take you into the seasons ahead.
Never stop learning. Never fully arrive. Don't plateau.
Be your own person. Let her be her own person. Insist on that. Encourage and protect and fight for her independenceāas you at the same time seek to be interdependent.
Need one another! But also don't need one another.
You've got something special now, just the two of you. Protect it. So try not to go to intimate places with others that you can't go with her. Fight for those intimacies.
You've got something special now, so bring others into it. The warmth and community in your own little village of the two of you isn't just for you: it's for the wayward friend, the crying child, the weary stranger. You've got a good thing here. Be generous with it.
You know that thing oft said thing about love (which they'll probably quote at you on your wedding day), that "love is patient and kind and keeps no record of wrongs and always hopes and forgives" and so on, aim for that! Achieving it is impossible, but it's a damn fine target.
You've got this. Youāve got what it takes.
Also: you don't have what it takes! And when you donāt have what it takes, thatās fine too. She might not either. You get to grow together. And thatās the most beautiful part of all.
Good luck! We're rooting for you!
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My cred for offering all of this: I am human. I am here. There was an empty text box and a share button.
May 15, 2025
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Phoebe Lucille Bridgers, will you marry me?š¹
From: Chad lan Zappia-Hesperia, CA
-6ā2ā or 6ā1ā (I gotta check) I am skinny but I got some āfitā qualities going onā skinny fit I guess. I play Dark Souls sometimes. I think Portlandia is funny. One of my favorite songs is Bled White by Elliott Smith. I think Harley Davidson shirts are cool even though I donāt have a drivers license. Loud noises stress me out sometimes. I am unemployed but make money off of music royalties. Iām a romantic and kind of laid back, but Iāll still put on Fetty Wap or Avenge Sevenfold. Whatever the situation calls for. Didnāt have a lot of friends growing up. I get embarrassed when I practice singing outloud sometimes. Still living with my family. Money is whatever. I like doing activities outside of the house but Iām a homebody, itās too cold to go on a walk in the desert right now though. My hands and feet hate it. Big fan of Boston Terriers and Dobermans. Big fan of Boston (band) specifically the song Smokinā I can play it all the way through. Nightmare Before Christmas head. Revisited record is cool minus Marlyn Manson I just ignore theyāre on there. Harmonizing to songs rocks. Changing lyrics to something cringy rules. I hope In Da Club playing on the speakers in a 99 cent store says it all. Donāt wanna give away too much though. I am 25 turning 26 on August 2nd. I donāt know if Iām agnostic or atheist, I think if someone were to ask me that question I would get sleepy and zone out. I lean left politically but that makes me sleepy as well. Peace and love. Non-vegan but wish I could, Robert De Niro $ :/. Reserved and an open book, twofer. Also I have your name tattooed on my lower back if that helps. I donāt have a lot of patience when it comes to pushy-rude. Passive-rude I could laugh about. Most things are a quick, āwell whateverā or Iāll probably laugh about it. Also Iāve been in love with you since I was like 18 or 17 or 16. I am being 1000% serious. You changed my life and continue to every waking moment. I wanna be a wizard with you and grow old together and we can wear hats and cloaks, fridge with flames on it and all. Hereās my email [email protected] @phoebebridgersĀ I wanna be your Aragorn with a Kramer. I wanna go to the doctors with you. I wanna laugh about health issues in old age and say āWell, we still have time to change it.ā I wanna be the cream to your cheese. I wanna do jumping jacks in front of you forever. I wanna do push-ups if you get mad at me. I wanna teach you stuff and I want you to teach me stuff. I wanna show you how good I am at pool. I wanna be anxious in an airport with you. I wanna fist bump you. I wanna sing the āTime is a wheel in constant motionā in I Hope You Dance with you. I wanna forget what song I was trying to remember with you. I wanna I Hope You Dance with you. I wanna quote School of Rock with you. I want you, Phoebe Lucille Fucking Bridgers! P.S. I love you!Ā
Mar 19, 2025
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Foolishly in love with my self-loathing, weāve been married for years now. Although history proves I've been loyal, I canāt lie; my eyes are wandering. Moving on and self-acceptance have been looking real good recently. I think it's the promise they hold. Iāve inched towards them slowly, but Iām a married man. Leaving something thatās been with me for so long now is very daunting. To leave is to break trust and commitment. Who's lain in bed with me all these years, who's kept me company after dark? How could I dare leave my loyal partner? How foolish of me.
-Me
Feb 12, 2025
I think thereās something really sweet about peopleāespecially those who donāt see themselves as writersāwriting their own vows. They can be kinda messy and specific and it doesnt matter as long as the sentiment is true and I think thatās beautiful (this weekās newsletter is sorta about this).
Aug 2, 2024
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