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I love hyper-fixating on shows, movies, music, books, etc., but one of the best feelings is when I feel so connected and immersed with something. it feels like it becomes a part of myself. it might sound cliche to say that about Pearl (the A24 prequel to X starring Mia Goth) where Mia Gothās monologue changed everything. it humanized her character and made her so much more relatable to me. Iāve heard that people with BPD relate to her character a lot, which is interesting because Iāve done some research on BPD, and characters that have it. I relate to their characters, but I donāt think I relate to them in such a way that I think I have the disorder, itās just from a place of understanding. for example, I have a fear of abandonment, but how I handle it is different. the most recent movie Iāve felt connected to is May, which I could see people with BPD relating to as well. May is a movie about this woman who the viewers know early on that sheās different. sheās just trying to find someone to match her freak essentially, but without much success. so, she takes it upon herself to take something from each person she knows to build something better for herself. she did feel like she was being strung along after all
May 16, 2025
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growing up my mom fell victim to my brute side at the end of most days. hitting and screaming and slamming doorsā¦i would think, āwhat was i so mad forā?? but when i watched this movie with her at least once a month i would see myself in ray. and then when my mom became an emotionally unstable alcoholic i became to understand ray on a totally new level. i began to understand my anger too as i watched ray flip molly off or hit and call her names. i see my mom in molly; wild and carefree, though, the other side of her wasnāt always as sweet or earnest as molly. but still, her childlikeness and unwavering persistence (maybe sometimes ignorance as well) to simply enjoy life as it is has always inspired me in some way. like ray, timing and circumstance has made me so emotionally stiff, but thereās a part of my mom (and molly) in me as there is in all of us that longs for that dam to be let free and flowing.Ā to never stop crying and to dance in clacking little heels and to twirl in pretty skirts and be apart of the waves or the wind or something nice and effortless like that. hippie shit. but my rigidness and her carefreeness have always met where something undeniably painful lies. that connection is both what bonds us and makes it so hard for us to be around one another. i suppose itās where our opposing coping mechanisms come to die and thatās too much for either of us to navigate. this movie is a picture of us in a time that iād never wish to go back to, but i do think back on quite often. sheās a wild one, my ma, but she was the first who taught me how to be with the sun.
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Listen, I've watched Little Women about ten times but FOR SOME REASON, only a couple days ago when watching it with a best friend did we both start crying.
We had both watched the movie many times before, but i guess this specific time in our life where this movie found us hit different. She's in her first year in college and I'm in my gap. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness that can take over when entering a new phase in your life is UNMATCHED, and jo's monologue just hit.
Watching the movie, there are these very evident hard cuts between the warmth of childhood and coldness of the present, BUT when you actually think about it, can you recall the moment in the movie it BECOMES the present, and the color shifts? Probably not, because time is subtle. You don't wake up and suddenly realize you're a grown up who must make your own way in the world. Its more of a retrospective. Jo herself probably didn't realize her childhood was as warm and beautiful as it was.... until it was gone.
Anyways we cried and laughed about why we were crying, but I haven't been able to think about it since. I don't know where I am in the color palette sunset of warm to cold, but I will know once I've long passed it.
We had both watched the movie many times before, but i guess this specific time in our life where this movie found us hit different. She's in her first year in college and I'm in my gap. The overwhelming feeling of loneliness that can take over when entering a new phase in your life is UNMATCHED, and jo's monologue just hit.
Watching the movie, there are these very evident hard cuts between the warmth of childhood and coldness of the present, BUT when you actually think about it, can you recall the moment in the movie it BECOMES the present, and the color shifts? Probably not, because time is subtle. You don't wake up and suddenly realize you're a grown up who must make your own way in the world. Its more of a retrospective. Jo herself probably didn't realize her childhood was as warm and beautiful as it was.... until it was gone.
Anyways we cried and laughed about why we were crying, but I haven't been able to think about it since. I don't know where I am in the color palette sunset of warm to cold, but I will know once I've long passed it.
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Can always rely on it to help me healthily excrete my emotionsš„¹šŖcaring about people Iāve only known for 4 episodes, but theyāre hour long episodes so I guess that makes it easier to digest in my brain/heartš
But at the same time.. it makes me really jealous of their courage and confidence and certainty(in most cases). And their intense love connections.and general happiness
And WHO did the lighting and color coordinating for the living quarters area becauseš« just makes me want more space and lights and stUfff
Watching it has its pros and consāļø But I like it or whatever. Just a jealous materialistic girl over here. whatchin Tv
But at the same time.. it makes me really jealous of their courage and confidence and certainty(in most cases). And their intense love connections.and general happiness
And WHO did the lighting and color coordinating for the living quarters area becauseš« just makes me want more space and lights and stUfff
Watching it has its pros and consāļø But I like it or whatever. Just a jealous materialistic girl over here. whatchin Tv
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ševen the smallest things may not seem to matter in the moment, but when you fast forward a bit, you may be trying to grasp the memory without any luck. writing things down, taking pictures, collecting, etc. is all so important.
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š£my parents used to judge me and think I was weird for talking to myself when I was younger. Iām sure they still do, but theyāre less vocal about it as they used to be. for context, Iām an only child, so talking to myself was nice for when I was bored or whatnot. itās also helpful for sorting through my thoughts. itās good to get things out when I donāt feel like talking to anyone in particular. I like to think of it as my own personal podcast.
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šIām so glad I found this app. I was looking for a place where I can share more about myself without feeling judged by the people around me. now people can feel a connection towards me being truly myself instead of the mask Iāve been conditioned to put on for others. I imagine handing someone Iāve just met a paper with a link to this profile on it as a fun experiment