i like to think about taking up space in terms of circles. on a day to day basis, the size of the circle for your basic needs (drinking water, eating food, etc) doesn't really change at all. like, there's no way to minimize those needs without messing up your health (speaking as a formerly dehydrated and constantly hungry person). the circles for the other parts of your life do change- hobbies, work, etc- but also tend to change relatively slowly. when i felt bad about taking up space in the past, i moved my circles away from people-i would journal alone, eat in my car, etc. i was still taking up the same amount of space, but just doing so away from other people. what helped me feel a bit better was gently nudging my circles towards other people again- instead of eating in my car, i would eat lunch on the grass in the park (impromptu picnic), or journal in a cafe. i was still doing the activities alone, but in the same public spaces as other people. it's helpful because there's no pressure from either side to interact, but a lot of wonderful spontaneous interactions do happen that are invited from both sides. it made me feel better about taking up space because i felt like i was part of a broader social fabric, but didn't feel self-conscious about whether i belonged or not. so just keep nudging your circle of needs and hobbies closer to other people's until you overlap :)
May 18, 2025
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“Closer to other people’s circles” is so helpful. It doesn’t have to be all at once but just a bit closer, that’s so sweet.
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I’ve had sprinkles of acquaintances and light friendships with people over the years that I sometimes feel bad about losing touch with. But sometimes it’s nearly impossible to keep in touch with everyone and still have time to care for yourself and your core people. I’ve tried to stop apologizing for that and just try to let people know I appreciate them from afar. I feel like the older I get the more intentional I have to be with my time and the more healthy boundaries I need to keep. It may disappoint some, but true friends get it, and there will always be an ebb and a flow as life changes. I also feel like social media has wired us to be so hyper-connected all the time and it’s stressful to live up to the expectation of staying in constant communication with everyone you’ve met and liked. Growing up is realizing you can like and enjoy the company of many people and you may not have the time or energy to extend to everyone you want. (And actually it’s also okay not to want to!) Not everything and every connection can stay the same and I need to constantly remind myself of that. I deserve to make space and time for myself so I can love my people better.
Mar 4, 2025
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i see solitude as metamorphosis. you need that time in the cocoon to really check in with yourself and the joy of that comes from how you'll gain a deeper understanding of yourself.
sometimes i spend SO much time with myself that i get SO BORED that I HAVE to venture outside of myself. when i say venture, i mean challenging myself in how i self- express which will in turn, nourish my interactions with others when i choose to seek company.
proceeding to create art, but trying new methods. going down youtube rabbit holes of things i am interested in so i can discover new references. cooking a meal without following a recipe and surprising myself. making the space i am in super cosy (candles, snacks on deck, music, blankets) going on long walks and picking up conversations with strangers through shared observations of life around us. watching music festivals/boiler rooms and dancing around my room like a mad man.
once you feel comfortable in being by yourself, you'll be more aware of what you need from your company and when you seek it, you'll be a lot more intentional about it and cherish it even more.
Oct 7, 2024
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After sustained isolation and loneliness, spending time with other people can be a much-needed grounding, humbling experience
Invite people over! Hop on the train / in the car to visit a friend! Go to new places and meet new people. Start a movie club, meet up at a café, embark on an open-ended collaborative creative endeavor. Give yourself many excuses to get out of your apartment, and do whatever you've gotta do to put yourself in the presence of other human beings. It's good for regulating your emotional state and ego. It fills a certain part of you that may be empty without you even knowing it
This is especially true for spending time with people who are *different* from you: people who have different talents, people who do crazy drugs you'd never do, people who spend their time in different places than you, even people you might kind of hate! The contrast can be stressful but that's just because you're using more brain power to place yourself in relation to these other people in the moment. But the long-term payoff will make you feel whole, and the world will start making a bit more sense. And once all is said and done, the feeling of returning to your apartment, or of cleaning up and lighting a candle after you've had visitors of your own, will have made it worth all the while
Feb 2, 2025
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Oftentimes, I'll overly curate myself based on what I think is or isn't acceptable to those around me because I'm scared of being judged by them. I feel like I have a full and vibrant life, but people only skim the surface of it because I'm scared of letting them in. There's so much joy in being accepted and sharing in each other's joys and sadnesses, and I want more of that in my life in the coming year.
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