Being born as a man (extremely unfortunate I know) has really shown me how performative masculinity is. Everytime you shake hands, it's supposed to be a strength contest. You have to be non-chalant at all times. You can't talk a certain way, walk a certain way. You can't show any emotions. You have to laugh at downright disgusting jokes at times...
3d ago
Related Recs
Jan 28, 2024
💼
- have a firm handshake. this is an unspoken way that a lot of self-indulged men like to measure themselves up against the person they have just met. don’t me afraid to squeeze their hands.
- as dangerous as the “ask for forgiveness, not permission“ saying is, sometimes it is necessary as the older generation of men don’t want to hear what you have to say.
- dress appropriately and conservatively, it is the only way to be taken seriously
- stop apologising, because they don’t.
- don’t let yourself be interrupted, call them out and declare that you haven’t finished speaking.
- learn about their hobbies, it helps to appeal to their broad interests to strengthen your bond, because you need to make your mark (f1, golfing, etc)
- don’t be afraid to lean into your femininity, the older men sometimes crumble when you bat your eyes a little and are more likely to agree or listen to what you have to say (unfortunately, but consider it a super power)
Mar 5, 2025
🌀
A lot of my friends (myself included) got married young; I myself locked down marriage by 22. What I’ve noticed is that when you’re married younger, you don’t get to develop into the generalized stereotypical douche bag archetypes that guys hit in their 20’s — indie sleeze ball, frat bro with allegations, overly into himself athletic dude, guy who is too niche into their hobbies, neighborhood womanizer, etc.
This doesn’t mean we’re perfect, just means we missed out on what could be peak horrific boy era that you see from 21-30. What has been weird though is seeing how many guys in that age range now are leaning into the…again STEREOTYPED incel/incel adjacent persona. It’s so strange. I don’t associate myself with many of these guys but I sure do see them (and hear about them) from my friends.
Tie that into the stereotype that men shouldn‘t go through therapy (for myself, inherited from a strong immigrant father who has done hard labor since 19) and you’ve got a really messed up bag of guys out there.
They either are horrible humans overall, or are just oblivious to what it means to be a normal person, or are in their own headspace and don’t understand why others aren’t thinking like them, or have fallen deep into weird religious and/or political movements that pins them as the victims.
In short: no, men are not okay.
4d ago
Top Recs from @megh
🚬
It's not in our hands sometimes but it's not cool to be surrounded by people who don't take anything seriously
Apr 29, 2025
🚬
Y'all ever write a word and suddenly it looks wrong? Like, the word just looks unusual. Then you cross it out and write it again but it's still the same cause the spelling is right but it looks so wrong! And so you repeat, but it remains the same and at that point you're agitated! What the actual fuck is wrong with me!
And so you just ignore it and continue writing but it still bothers you. You look in the dictionary and the spelling is still the same and the word still looks wrong and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it.
May 2, 2025
🚬
Tl;dr I am just talking about how I was lucky to not grow up as an incel
Growing up I had no role models and so, me getting out of that alt right mysogynist pipeline was because 13 y/o me saw a video about Nirvana. A few years ago I was part of a subreddit where mostly older girls and ladies were and as I would read their comments i realised the many wrong things i was doing everyday which could end up hurting someone if they ever got together with me. A few weeks ago, i saw a reel where a girl was talking about how frustrating it was when guys ignored menial tasks like throwing socks in laundry and I realised, "oh! I do this sometimes" and ever since I saw it, anytime I ignore such things, i immediately remember that reel and all the comments on it and I just do the whole thing because I don't want to be an asshole because of my ignorance which was a result of me growing up in an environment which enabled my shitty behaviour.
I feel like I was lucky in this sense because I inadvertently came across the right places. The creators I grew up with were decent human beings. Not a single youtuber I used to watch growing up ended up being in any controversy. I watched some of them again recently and some are even making videos calling out trash behaviour.
It's also worth noting that back in 2014-15 yt was not full of alpha male shit. Everyone was just chilling and playing Minecraft. The video essays were still as great as they are now. If I was born any later, I am afraid I might've fallen down that pipeline and become a completely irredeemable pos.
Apr 11, 2025