a family member recently passed and I found myself perusing through his facebook profile and looking at photos of him. I thought about how some of his features specifically show up on my own face - from the way my eyebrows are arched to the bow of my lips.
Then I saw his funny little posts about the NBA. and I recall all the times I would have to watch these games while he babysat my sister and I. Years down the road, I formed my own appreciation for the sport and understood it mainly because of him.
all that to say, even when the people we love are gone, it’s nice to know that little pieces of them are scattered amongst the lives they’ve touched.
6d ago
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My grandfather passed away in April. I haven't had much time the past few weeks to really sit with myself and process this. Earlier, I made my lockscreen a picture of me with him, and seeing it throughout the day has made me feel tinges of love, happiness, and grief, which I have been grateful for. I like feeling everything at once. I like knowing he was here and he'll live on in my memories although I miss him so much. It's beautiful how much you can love someone. :)
1d ago
It's been a week since my brother Jacob passed. He was the last person I expected to go—an extremely active cyclist, hiker, and traveler. We still don't know what exactly happened, but in a matter of only half an hour he went from making his breakfast to his heart stoping.
So many of his traits I admired so much felt like things I lacked; he was disciplined, reliable, and energetic. He traveled the world and made friends across the whole globe, it seems. He was always adept at math, a subject I always struggled with.
He was only 18 months my junior. I literally can't remember my life without Jacob in it. At some points in our childhood he felt like my shadow. Since we were homeschooled during the early years of my life we spent so much time together. I took that for granted, but now I'm so grateful for all the hours of fort building, hole digging, camping, biking, basketball, getting destroyed by him playing NBA Live and womping on him in Mortal Kombat.
I really regret simply assuming he knew how much I loved him. We were brothers. We fought, argued, and teased each-other. He was such an appendage to my day-to-day that I didn't ever stop to tell him how dear he was to me, how proud I was of all he'd done, how grateful I was for all he contributed around the house and with the family, and how jealous I was of his fearlessness with change and travel.
People ask how I'm holding up, and it's hard to answer because—all things considered— I am doing alright. The hardest times are when my brain and nervous system still haven't realized he's gone: hearing the creak of a door and expecting him to walk in after a bike ride—his cycling shoes clinking on the tile; learning some soccer news and wanting to text him about it; feeling eager to get his feedback on something I cooked.
But the most difficult thing has been encountering the pity and sorrow people have shown toward me, because that somehow reveals the scope of the loss and the depth to which folks cared about him and care about me. Knowing we share some impacts of this loss breaks my heart. I so deeply appreciate all the offers of help and reaching out, and yet I have nothing to offer. I have nothing for which to ask. My brain just short-circuits.
Perhaps the best thing you can do for me is to let your loved ones know how you feel. Find one person you have maybe taken for granted and share your love clearly so that they truly know how much you treasure them because they won't always be around.
May 6, 2024
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My cousin died a few months ago and him passing was the first time I realized that life is so unpredictable and weird. I had just saw him for the first time in 6 years during christmas time. He was him, the same funny smart ass that made everyone in the room laugh. He talked about how he loved nature at length, We talked about heading up north and camping because he has never been to Northern California and I knew he would love it up there. I say all this to say that I never thought I would have to see my cousin pass before me. I thought we would get old, have some kids and see each other every few years and just laugh about how crazy we were as kids. I’m just so happy I had those 3 hours with him, seeing him go on and on about how he loved nature, watching him have hope for the future, loving life to the fullest. When I struggle to get through the minor inconveniences of life, I think about my cousins smile as he talked about nature. I think about how you should just love being alive and take it all in. How lucky I am to be one in a million. Life is very very strange, but bruh is it not beautiful.
Jun 18, 2024
Top Recs from @erika-y
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Each short story is so unique, purposeful, and well written. What I love and appreciate about the short story format are that the characters and setting need to be established pretty quickly. In these 9 stories, JD does that exquisitely while evoking heartbreak and wonder. my favourites from the collection are ‘For Esme’ and ’Teddy’
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