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My grandfather passed away in April. I haven't had much time the past few weeks to really sit with myself and process this. Earlier, I made my lockscreen a picture of me with him, and seeing it throughout the day has made me feel tinges of love, happiness, and grief, which I have been grateful for. I like feeling everything at once. I like knowing he was here and he'll live on in my memories although I miss him so much. It's beautiful how much you can love someone. :)
2d ago
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I went to a funeral today. My artist godfather had painted the entire coffin of his wife, vibrantly, with hearts and birds and colours. The thought of him painting it, the expression of his love to his partner of 33 years, using the same motifs he used to paint their wedding altar, it makes me want to think of ways to show love, to mark it. Both while my loved ones are still living, and to honour those now gone. How do we honour our love? Dedicate time to it? Make our grief a beautiful masterpiece of love?
Jun 17, 2024
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a family member recently passed and I found myself perusing through his facebook profile and looking at photos of him. I thought about how some of his features specifically show up on my own face - from the way my eyebrows are arched to the bow of my lips.
Then I saw his funny little posts about the NBA. and I recall all the times I would have to watch these games while he babysat my sister and I. Years down the road, I formed my own appreciation for the sport and understood it mainly because of him.
all that to say, even when the people we love are gone, it’s nice to know that little pieces of them are scattered amongst the lives they’ve touched.
Jun 5, 2025
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I’ve lost distant family members, patients, friends, etc., but I’ve never lost someone so close to me. I cried over everything and nothing and wished to feel anything but emptiness and loss. I laughed over memories and smiled at the sunset over a lake. I flew to GA just to feel the emptiness in person. Yet…I can’t help but feel happiness for knowing her voice, her love, her joy, her kindness, her unrelenting stubbornness. For seeing where she made her mark and who/where she made it in. Grief is weird and I’ll never not feel that void, but I hope I can grow to live and be comfortable with it.
Feb 17, 2025
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I did ballet my whole life because my grandmother was a professional ballerina many years ago. I first smelled my signature fragrance on a guy whose clothes I took off once or twice. I wouldn't be such a massive Arctic Monkeys fan if my friend hadn't surprised me with their AM cd 11 years ago because she thought I would like it. She passed almost five years ago, but I thank her every day for that thoughtful gift. Sometimes I fix things with masking tape how my late grandfather used to, and I have an A Clockwork Orange keychain since he loved the soundtrack.
Jun 4, 2025
Read this for my first ever writing class at NYU 5 years ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It was the first time I felt so seen when reading an essay. It's from 2015, but I think this is such a timeless read on solitude.
Jun 4, 2025
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when it mixes with the mashed potatoes after touching it.. like a beautiful marriage...
Nov 24, 2024