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you ever say goodbye 2 someone again and again and never really know if its the last time? yeah
mixture of loss, some old some new, and relief
need 2 walk this off. lets hope this is 4 the better
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@ADRIEN_FELL_OVER absolutely, I just wish I knew if it was Actually The End Totally For Real This Time or if its just something temporary. I suppose ill treat it like the former and heed ur advice
1d ago
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In threefold lives and twofold tears I hold my breath but I can’t pretend it’s not happening anymore. I keep finding myself saying “we’re graduating” again and again with no intonation because I truly don’t know what to feel. Maybe it’s a manifestation or maybe it’s just a recognition of the eventual, the eventuality of the end of the various hues I’ve been painted with at scad. In my minds eye lives a collage of all of the people whom I’ve cherished for four, (or five years if you count dual enrollment), to say I love them is an egregious understatement. To say I will miss them is simply diminishing an actuality. With me I carry this collage of love it keeps me warm when I am cold, and tender when I am stone. I helped me grow into my bones. Seen me and shone, people I’ve adored. I leave this place adorn with knowledge and love and a want for more. Chest heave practical in armor, holding onto the alternate dream of me, hoping, hoping for an offer, offering a life I am to live, if I just turn and run, if I just turn and run this time, lime green coconut leaves, spotted bedroom sheets, but the change is making me feel like i’ve already tried to hold myself a million little times, I try again, felicity in the way I falter, tell you endlessly, screaming colors of the ocean, push me in I adore it, let me live, I pour it out, strangers color me in the night, pieces of each of our mind, in a way we see each other demise each time, turn in, torn into sequins, sequential nightmares, its going to just end, in a way that I sink through the sun, into I construe again, I was just eighteen when I started this, made some friends I cherish, even, even if I lose them, I’ll still have a memory, of my beloveds smiling back at me, seen me grow, seen me weak, bleeding in through my knees, crying on their shoulders, painful hollow little laughter, walking through a tunnel, holding onto each other, I’ll love them like no other like a dream, no other could it be, in my perfect dream, many lifetimes lived with thee.
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the meet up with dear friends is over
i put my coat on
tie my laces
over the shoulder bag
and ready to leave
when
i get stuck in the doorway
because suddenly
i need to
i have to
tell them important ideas,
sincere thoughts
and genuenly honest feelings about life
as if this is our final meet up
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i toss and i turn with the pillow staying put,
welcoming a new wave of anxiety with each movement
2:18 on the clock and the fan adds more momentum to my unattainable thoughts
buried in the need to see, and learn the unknown
yet, i lay on the surface as a parched rock in the middle of my favorite beach,
reeking of the current simplicities of life
though its surely a blessing in disguise which i might recall five years from now
standing by, holding onto my innocence, waiting to believe in a miracle or see a comet pass by in the dark night sky
Mar 1, 2025
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moments of shared humanity make me feel so alive. be it going to concerts and moshing or dancing, having a laugh with a friend or seeing and being seen. I value every connection ive got to make, even when things ended poorly. sometimes you go your separate ways and sometimes you reconcile after, but either way you leave changed. a lot of pain can stem from intimacy but i cant help but see my own future as very beautiful and bright
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