there's loads to life, and it is sad when a friend chooses to not partake in it. I keep my door open and hope we can reconnect someday–but pouring that time back into yourself always helps. And I think friends come and go anyway, some are for a season, not a lifetime–and that's something we learn along the way as we grow and change as people.
May you find your next friendship(s) in many more places and people and pets (animals count too!) <3
3d ago
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This piece really spoke to me, and as recently as 2 weeks ago. My bestie (other friends) and I are just in very different phases of life. She had been busy raising a family and I had far more time on my hands. I had understood, of cos. But still I resented that I had 'lost' a cherished long time friend, I knew in my head, that it's entirely legit that she is busy. And she had felt she had nothing to contribute to our friendship since her stories are all about babies and kids. But after looking around for substitutes and other activities - actually found no one/anything that has any semblance of what we had. So I decided to just call her and just made that reconnection again. I had accepted that 10 mins of her time daily far outweighs 10 hours of someone I don't connect with or have no fond history with.
This doesn't just apply to friendships I realise. Because building and maintaining relationships takes actual work. I mean you both have to want to. And you have to have tradeoffs. You can't be rigid, and you can't get all your needs met... But what I learned, is this agreement to still call and leave messages, text back and forth. We had to try different modes and different ways. Previously I also got really upset when I finally got hold of the person, and start off with angry accusations. This too didn't work, because he would get pissed because I was pissed. We still don't have it pat-down (friends/relationships) but my changed perspective did help, especially for me.
https://www.wsj.com/lifestyle/relationships/friendship-maintaining-healthy-relationships-text-calls-memes-5e66e221?st=2jl247gjqb814wr&reflink=desktopwebshare_permalink&utm_source=substack&utm_medium=email
Apr 10, 2024
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And you’re set for life (with the added effort of maintaining it).
I used to try to surround myself with people who I thought were cool and also tried so bad to fit in. I still do feel conscious about that sometimes when I front for a person I place on a pedestal or really am infatuated with (in a platonic way).
I’ve also had friends I get easily frustrated with who point out my mistakes as jokes but I’ve realised are super flawed and insecure. It becomes a relationship where you slowly turn into a projection of them. (I’m not sure how to phrase it). And I’m the kind that forgives very easily the moment someone is nice to me.
Howeverrrrr… over the past few years and more so over the past year I found a group of people I could be open and comfortable with… and I have to say an open and fulfilling relationship with the right people and friends will make you a much better person overall. I’ve also been so inspired by the circle of friends I’ve got now.
It’s not necessarily the friends who always ask you to go out to shop or hang but the friends who you do things with and talk about anything with.
Gratefully & Gratituously,
I love my friends.
Feb 18, 2024
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i admittedly do a lot of stuff alone. which i find comfort in. but there is something about the healing power of making new friends and hanging out with them! it’s important to recharge and reflect… but the healing we are looking for is in each other! we build each other up! we fill each other‘s cups which in turn fills our own cups! make a new friend!! ps if you’re in LA let’s be friends
Mar 4, 2024
Top Recs from @thisismoy
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it's totally cool to age and society still isn't equipped to deal with that.
Mar 27, 2024
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Sometimes you try your best and everything seems to hit the fan no matter how much you try, so you take that raincheck and take yourself out for a day.
Nov 27, 2024
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This is what I call it hahahah made by mums everywhere but the greased up version is sold along stalls in Mumbai. Two regular slices of white bread, buttered, and the middle filling is cream cheese with red onions, coriander/cilantro, tomatoes and some minced chillis. All veggies chopped mini cube size so they blend with the cheese. Toasted crispy.
Apr 3, 2024