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“The fraudulence paradox was that the more time and effort you put into trying to appear impressive or attractive to other people, the less impressive or attractive you felt inside — you were a fraud. And the more of a fraud you felt like, the harder you tried to convey an impressive or likable image of yourself so that other people wouldn't find out what a hollow, fraudulent person you really were … The fraud part of me was always there, just as the puzzle piece, objectively speaking, is a true piece of the puzzle even before you see how it fits. For a while I thought that possibly one or the other of my biological parents had been frauds or had carried some type of fraud gene or something and that I had inherited it, but that was a dead end, there was no way to know. And even if I did, what difference would it make? I was still a fraud, it was still my own unhappiness that I had to deal with … The fact is that we're all lonely, of course. Everyone knows this, it's almost a cliché. So yet another layer of my essential fraudulence is that I pretended to myself that my loneliness was special, that it was uniquely my fault because I was somehow especially fraudulent and hollow. It's not special at all, we've all got it. In spades.“
2d ago
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I still listen to a reading of this on some of my down days. Poignant stuff:
https://youtu.be/9f-Q9GHmJGc
1d ago
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Reflections on self delusion we could all stand to read
Jan 15, 2025
Read this for my first ever writing class at NYU 5 years ago and I haven't stopped thinking about it since. It was the first time I felt so seen when reading an essay. It's from 2015, but I think this is such a timeless read on solitude.
Jun 4, 2025
You know that meme where it goes "Inside of me there are two wolves"? Well, that is essentially one of the main themes of the novel Steppenwolf, a book that I hold dear to myself and which I view as a window into my soul. The book taught me how to be at peace with the complexities of my identity and that of others. Our souls are not a singular entity, nor are our souls made up of two pieces (or wolves according to the meme), but rather our souls are like a shattered mirror with numerous or even infinite fragments that make up who we are. We are made up of so many different pieces that we often feel like we are contradicting and betraying ourselves when we make certain decisions or behave in certain ways. So how do we deal with this struggle? For me, Steppenwolf through its magical journey gave me a simple answer: let loose and be free. Just as the main character Harry Haller hates jazz but learns how to dance to it and enjoy the atmosphere the music creates. Learn to not see things in black and white; learn to not see yourself in black and white. You can enjoy many different things, you can value many different things, and they might contradict each other, but don't struggle in trying to logically sort yourself out. The same goes for how you perceive others – you might not fully understand them or agree with them, but you can still enjoy someone with a different perspective.
Our existence, body and soul, is inherently contradictory, as the novel states: "As a body everyone is single, as a soul never." It's something we simply must accept.
Jul 29, 2024
Top Recs from @taterhole
It lends a reflective and wistful tone to written communications imo…
4d ago
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌
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