there are days
when i imagine
- cutting my tongue off
- smashing my teeth on the sidewalk
- breaking the longer arm bones in half
- smashing my skull like a light bulb
- being cut like a piece of meat to grill and put on a sandwich
- having my blood sucked out of my body with a straw
- each nail pulled off
- skin peeled off of me with a cheese grater or a casual peeler maybe this could be my funeral note, unless my body has become poisonous and cannot be fed to hungry cannibals
or unless i’ve become a cyborg already.
We’ve known each other since kindergarten, we grew up together, and even though I wasn’t always kind to her in middle school, she never held it against me. We started to feel sad around the same time, and each of us became the other’s refuge. She has always encouraged me and given me the strength to do slightly crazy things; when we were fifteen, we’d find ourselves standing in the middle of a field at one in the morning, in the dark, just because I was feeling down. She’s taken care of me after I hurt myself. I watched her lose herself in her last relationship. She’s the only family I see at Christmas. We can laugh for ten minutes just by looking at each other Right now I’m on holiday in my hometown, and I can go see her whenever I want. We meet at night, smoke cigarettes, and watch movies. She takes better care of me than my boyfriend ever does A few days ago, we spent a wonderful morning in her garden, in the sun, with fresh air all around us. For the first time in years, life almost felt pleasant. The colors of the plants and flowers were so beautiful, and we didn’t even talk that much—we just ate some fruit (which she washed for me). I told her about my favorite movie and she watched it that same night; she told me about her favorite fruit and I bought it for her the next day I don’t care about men, because she exists. I love her with all my heart, and I want to take her to the beach