In the Jewish tradition, we sit shiva with the bereaved for several days after the funeral (which happens within 48 hours). It’s a time to share memories, eat a lot of food, and just generally be there for the family in the immediate moments after the death. I’ve never been to a non-Jewish funeral so this is all I know, but I think it’s a really beautiful tradition and I’m glad to have been there for my friend and her family the past couple days.
My nana died recently and the funeral was probably the best day out of a terrible few weeks I enjoyed the (sometimes farcical) performance of the Catholic ceremony, which was so disconnected from her life and personhood that you kind of had to laugh (i did this inwardly only). The priest got my granddad’s name wrong in the reading and half-sang along to the hymns as he performed the rites, the way you do when you’re listening to music while pottering about the house I talked with family I hadn’t seen in years, or had seen and pretty much ignored because it felt easier at the time I enjoyed noticing how there are maybe two different kinds of nose and mouth distributed among the cousins (myself included), except one girl I was convinced was a relative on the strength of her appearance turned out not to be, so maybe I was just looking for shared qualities where there aren’t any. I don’t think that is a bad thing though
I‘m not ready to do this myself, but reading this community’s reflections on grief has been very bittersweet. Thank you to anyone who has been so open and warm enough to share your feelings and memories here.
strangers hugging, everyone ugly crying, there’s something relieving about pouring a collective sorrow into something so tangible. sort of lessens the weight of grief.
