Rec
Ok my advice is: plan to go somewhere immediately after work on Tues-Thurs (or immediately after feeding the dog). This place does not need to be and probably should not be a bar or a restaurant.
Good options are libraries, coffee shops, parks, gyms. Better options are group fitness classes, art classes, community college classes, chess meet ups, rec baseball/kickball/run clubs. Best options are niche craft or interests like jewelry making studios, pottery studios, botanical societies, museums with volunteer programs, culinary classes
And then, through trial and error, you figure out which of these activities is interesting enough, with cool enough people, that you want to go all in. You pursue one or more of these with vigor, you get to know the other regulars, you talk to the owners or program leads, and you start hanging out with people from these activities.
if you're like ahh I'm shy!! I can't talk to people! Ok that's fine too. Don't talk to people! Just keep going! Best is really anything where you have to commit to a 4 or 6 week program. And let yourself try out other stuff when it ends.
Don't talk about it too much at work though. People will get jealous that you're not thinking about work 24/7 like they are.
Good options are libraries, coffee shops, parks, gyms. Better options are group fitness classes, art classes, community college classes, chess meet ups, rec baseball/kickball/run clubs. Best options are niche craft or interests like jewelry making studios, pottery studios, botanical societies, museums with volunteer programs, culinary classes
And then, through trial and error, you figure out which of these activities is interesting enough, with cool enough people, that you want to go all in. You pursue one or more of these with vigor, you get to know the other regulars, you talk to the owners or program leads, and you start hanging out with people from these activities.
if you're like ahh I'm shy!! I can't talk to people! Ok that's fine too. Don't talk to people! Just keep going! Best is really anything where you have to commit to a 4 or 6 week program. And let yourself try out other stuff when it ends.
Don't talk about it too much at work though. People will get jealous that you're not thinking about work 24/7 like they are.
3d ago
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🫠Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
Rec
😃I moved to a new city during covid and times were tough here for a while, but this is what worked for me:
- befriending your coworkers (sometimes they’re really cool and will become your bff, most of them time they’re fine to occasionally hang w)
-being a regular at a coffee shop, bar, or concert/show venue (hit up the familiar faces and they’re likely to introduce you to their crew as well)
-bumble bff (kind of the worst but also fun- I met a few of my close friends on here who then introduced me to their friend groups. Mostly great interactions but be weary of some ppl trying to use it as a sly dating tool)
-get involved in the community! i host a book club and I play soccer on a local rec team. I’ve met so many people that I would’ve probably never encountered otherwise through Bookclub- don’t be afraid of multigenerational friendships! With soccer, I’ve met such a diverse crowd and it’s encouraged me to attempt to learn Spanish. It’s nice to be able to get a group of ppl together and play/practice when you all have a night free, or go and watch a game! If you’re sporty, you can also invite your new sporty pals out for runs, hikes, or other workout type activities!
-bumble bff (kind of the worst but also fun- I met a few of my close friends on here who then introduced me to their friend groups. Mostly great interactions but be weary of some ppl trying to use it as a sly dating tool)
-get involved in the community! i host a book club and I play soccer on a local rec team. I’ve met so many people that I would’ve probably never encountered otherwise through Bookclub- don’t be afraid of multigenerational friendships! With soccer, I’ve met such a diverse crowd and it’s encouraged me to attempt to learn Spanish. It’s nice to be able to get a group of ppl together and play/practice when you all have a night free, or go and watch a game! If you’re sporty, you can also invite your new sporty pals out for runs, hikes, or other workout type activities!
Aug 20, 2024
Rec
⭐a coffee shop, running club, pottery class, karaoke night etc.
Whatever thing ur into. Go to places where you can do that thing regularly.
Eventally and usually pretty organically you will begin to make friends with people. People who you probably have alot in common with because you already have a shared interest. Yay!
I moved to a new state about a year ago knowing no one. I joined an improv class and now I have a whole network of people that I never expected to know. From that network you'll meet other people and so and so on.
Whatever thing ur into. Go to places where you can do that thing regularly.
Eventally and usually pretty organically you will begin to make friends with people. People who you probably have alot in common with because you already have a shared interest. Yay!
I moved to a new state about a year ago knowing no one. I joined an improv class and now I have a whole network of people that I never expected to know. From that network you'll meet other people and so and so on.
Feb 3, 2025
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Feb 11, 2024
