The Guide to Being Awkward, Together

i've met a lot of people just by being out on the trails and not being afraid to ask what birds they’ve seen or if i can tag along with them! nice bonus being a low-stakes out-in-nature environment with very low associated cost :)

I went through a phase where i took adult ballet classes a 50min drive from me, and one day my comedian online mutual was like… “let me come…” and for like 6 months we went to ballet together twice a week and slowly started recruiting more of our friends to join us. honestly great time i felt like a kid again :D #hingepartner

so many people to connect with who you already know have the same interests!!

And every rally and union action I go to I meet more amazing people :’)

There's been a handful of zine-making events in my area and it's helped me 1) explore my art styles & other mediums of creativity, and 2) meet some really cool zine authors!! Highly recommend <3

I was on a local server for my city when I was working on my first mechanical keyboard build and found a good amount of fellow enthusiasts, both newbies like me and some veterans with serious skills and experience. A lot of the draw of mechanical keyboards is the tactile sensation/sounds and it can be hard to try out different switches irl to figure out what you like so I figured meeting up would be beneficial to everyone. Being probably the most extroverted person on there, I organized a meet up to show off all our boards and saw some incredibly cool creations. It was great to meet so many people that were really introverted and online but so passionate excited to share about one of their special interests. It was supposed to be indoors but I fucked up with the venue and we ended up doing it in the park and got a lot of curious onlookers and the group grew to over 30. I met some really cool people and actually ended up getting a couple together there that had a secret veiled mutual interest that I (gently)pushed together at that first irl meeting, they’re still together today.

went to a katz deli pop-up in 2023 for the walking dead. ended up in the park eating the sandwiches with the girl i met on line! true friendship is shared over pickles.

In seventh grade a new boy named Nick transferred to my school and our orchestra teacher sat him next to me as my stand partner (viola section 🤘😝)… I accidentally poked him in the eye with the tip of my bow within minutes of meeting him and apologized profusely. He said, “It’s okay. It’s my blind eye.” He had had congenital cataracts and that actually made me feel worse, not better. Still haunts me to this day but we went on to have a beautiful, intense, and hateful rivalry so I guess it all turned out okay in the end 🫶

My name is Shawna. I responded “oh my god! My name is Shawn, too!” Then stuttered through saying “wait, no, that’s not my name.” and since I was so anxious I just rambled for way to long about the difference between our names.

it was move in day at college. my new roommate offered me one of her favorite snacks, a babybel cheese. I had never heard of them before, but trying to make friends, I made a big deal about how they *too* were my favorite snack of all time. first thing I do is bite into the red protective wax, wincing, saying how good it was...she stared at me in shock and told me what I did. Embarrassed and caught, we laughed about it all night. we lived together for 3 years after that :-)

I seem to have newly met this person countless times in my life because they can't seem to remember who I am despite us sharing such a close, good friend. After spending time together it feels like an elaborate prank. Do I look drastically different day to day? Is this a way to assert dominance? Who knows. #hingepartner

When you're not from NYC, there's a certain insecurity that never quite goes away. Like, “should I already know how to do this?” That was me, two years into living here, feeling semi-local at my bodega next door, but still quietly preparing in my head just to be sure. It was late. Post Model/Actriz concert. Starving. I’m with a friend and we stop at my spot for a chopped cheese, my small badge of assimilation. There’s a new guy working the grill, and he’s mid-smoothie prep, not acknowledging me at all. I’m not sure if he’s on break or just… busy? So I hover. Wait. Do the classic uncertain smile-stance. Eventually, I order. Minimal response. He starts cooking. Then, this older woman walks in and gently asks me what to order here. Me and my friend agree, chopped cheese, no doubt. She nods, curious. We chat a little. All is well. But then, after a few quiet minutes, she yells over from the counter asks, “How do you order it?” Instead of just saying “chopped cheese on a hero, everything, pickles” like a normal person I went into an exacting breakdown of how to order food and navigate the mysterious rhythms of bodega etiquette:n “Well, first, you wait. He’ll make eye contact when he’s ready. Then you state your intention clearly. Don’t rush him. Then say: chopped cheese, everything, pickles. Hero roll. But again, you have to wait for the signal.” I finish explaining and my friend goes: “I don’t think that’s what she meant.” She just wanted to know what I ordered, of course not the entire rite-of-passage for ordering food. We all laughed. She got her order. I got my sandwich. As a non-American it’s hilarious to me that I turned a simple question about what I ordered into a full-on lesson in bodega anthropology. Glad I was still helpful on her quest for the first chopped cheese.

10 times out of 10 I greet new people with a handshake. I’m pretty dedicated to it. One time this girl went in for a hug and I could tell she was dedicated to her respective form of greeting as well. We both committed to the hug/handshake combo and it turned into me dapping her up. It was so awkward she just started laughing to ease the pain of embarrassment. #hingepartner

I was in D.C. and this woman on the metro realized too late that we had arrived to her stop. I tried to keep the doors from closing by sticking my hand out. the doors snapped closed immediately on my wrist and my hand was sticking out of the car. it didn’t work and the woman looked horrified.

here are some of mine “Is there anything you’re kind of obsessed with lately? book, place, habit, or something random?” “Have you learned anything bizarre lately? Something that kinda blew your mind?” “If you could do anything this weekend, no obligations, what would it be? “Has anyone ever told you that you resemble a celebrity?” “If this event had an unspoken theme, what would it be?” “How would you describe your vibe or aesthetic? Mixing subgenres, like 70’s dentist office but it’s run by grandmothers’ “What’s a small thing that would instantly make your day better?”

Hopefully, that confidence impresses them enough to keep them interested. For us it’s always fake it till you make it. #HingePartner

just be confident guys confidence is key

when you’re out of something genuine to say and find yourself in an awkward silence, try to accept that. You don’t have to talk all the time to have a good time. Take your time, gather your thoughts, listen to your body for a sec. Are you hungry? Maybe change the location and eat something together? have to pee? a good moment to take your time and come up with something. You can also let the other person come up with something that’s perfectly okay :) Try not to worry and try to enjoy your time 🫶

I’m one of those people who plans out interactions with others cause I’m naturally a bit awkward. I script a bit of the interaction, create a few different scenarios. Sometimes I’ll have a few talking points prepared catered to people for these moments. So I know they like some show I’ll bring it up as soon as it gets awkward. It works though they’re immediately distracted by stuff like this and I’m in the clear 😅 Typing this out made me realize how much I study and prepare for social interactions sometimes and every allegation about me being on the spectrum is correct.

if I’m eating or drinking something I’ll take a sip or bite, otherwise I’ll just take a deep breath. Then I look around and try to see what I notice about my environment or what they’re wearing or holding or doing. Then I make a positive comment on something I noticed. The weirder and more out of the blue the better. Sometimes they fill the silence before I can. That’s okay too.

I love to ask what people are currently “in to” - meaning current inspirations, fixations, interests, etc. 1. It’s subtle but revealing- I now know what you are interested in and get a hint at how you view life (ex. some interests can be perceived as narcissistic/surface level vs. thoughtful/curious) *Granted, not eveyone will have a good answer (or may not even be able to answer) and that will tell you all you need to know!! 2. Naturally we love to talk about ourselves and our passions so it will certainly keep the conversation going. Extra points for asking questions about what they say (maybe you’re interested, maybe you’re not- but at least it’s not awkward anymore)

When things get awkward, I loveeee a subject change that will guarantee me AT LEAST ten minutes of lighthearted conversation to diffuse any tension. I always find a way to mention my twin, because people are fascinated by twins. Given that I’ve been explaining being a twin my whole life, I can anticipate any question they might ask and already have a sufficiently exciting, NOT awkward, and tender rough script prepared. And if they’re also a twin? Great, now we can bond! #hingepartner

If I can‘t find anything to say I usually will compliment their outfit, glasses, jewelry/piercings, tattoos, anything. This has saved me many awkward silences bc people love to talk about the meaning or where they got a certain item. And also has been my gateway into introducing myself to many cool-looking strangers. :)

and if it ain’t sara bareilles or imagine dragons, then seriously take me to the hospital🤣. lyrics like theirs are scientifically addicting (seriously) so don’t be surprised if others join in. but when they do, tell them to stop. why would they do that? this is your moment. don’t trust those people. trust me. after this the rest of your nights gonna be golden ✨ #hingepartner 

Personally, I understand that sometimes forcing friendliness is not gonna work. Check with the other person to see if they are also interested in maintaining a conversation at the same pace that you are and want. If not, it's ok to continue looking for other people to connect with. However, don't forget to be open, and remember that building any relationship requires some intention invested in it. :)

food brings ppl togetherrrr always! And you might be able to score a yummy detour

It's simple as riding a bike (after first failed attempts), but you got to do it regularly, if you stop you might fall easy in that obnoxious spiral of guilt where you feel like .... you don't fit in, you just don't belong - that's not right. You don't know that for sure. You got to keep trying to go that film nite, that local bands roaster gig, that DIY grassroots-boost event, that book club, that poetry open mic, that comedy show, that open call set (??) - I mean just go with the flow until your social battery runs low and you got to U-turn to your 'bat cave'. Your presence can change somebody's vibes when you walk in and give it a chance. In LDN is extremely challenging, NYC I guess is quite chill and buzzy at the same time, but hey, yolo at the end.