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Listen to me. Your face needs four things. A chemical exfoliator—one. A Vitamin C serum—two. A retinoid—three. And a ceramide moisturizer—four. Do you know who can give you all four? It’s not Snake Oil Skin as much as I wish that were true. I’ve tried all the bougie bitch shit. Augustinus Bader and La Roche-Posey and Barbara Sturm and do you know who comes out on top if I really had to choose? Protocol. This shit works. The complete line with all four products is $262, which might sound like a lot at first, but when you break it down it’s really only $65 a bottle. $65 also happens to be what Snake Oil costs, which is what I use as my last step to slug everything in while I sleep. Proof of results is in my face. I’m turning 32 this year and I’ve never not been carded.
Jun 22, 2023
Related Recs
đź’„
You have to haul your face around for your entire life, and there’s just no getting around it. As someone who is lurching perilously toward what us old people refer to as “the wrong side of 40,” I am here from your future to tell you not to be afraid, because you can retain your hotness with a little planning! Ever since my very best stage mother and personal BFF Lena Dunham publicly called me out for my elaborate skin care regimen, I’ve been getting questions, so let’s start at the basics and move into the baroque… I don’t think expensive products really make a difference, but if you love them and they make you feel good, by all means waste the money you should be saving for treatments (more on that in a minute) on a 50 step routine—it’s your life! I prefer to streamline because I am old and tired, so while I have definitely tried all of those ritzy oil cleansers and I DO LIKE THEM, in general I think Cetaphil and a microfiber cloth is fine. I usually only wash my face at night and follow it up with some Retin A mixed with a nice heavy moisturizer or oil, and I seal the whole shit in with Aquaphor before going to sleep on a special pillow that doesn’t deform my face. The morning is when things get complicated, because I am a firm believer in all of those gadgets that dermatologists tell you don’t work: I like a red light mask followed by either microcurrent, a muscle stimulation device, or radio frequency, and I follow that up with a CE ferulic serum, hyaluronic acid, moisturizer, and sunscreen. Take your collagen and a vitamin D-K supplement every day, and stay the fuck out of the sun!
Feb 28, 2023
Happily divulging my skincare routine for those who've asked. I'm not a gatekeeper but I am more inclined to share recs on an app that won't cause a ripple in the supply chain.
1. [Vanicream Unscented Gentle Facial Cleanser] $10
Tried and true. Plain and simple. Gets the job done. No further questions your honor.
2. [Paula’s Choice 2% BHA Liquid Exfoliant] $35
2x/week (Fall Winter)
Sometimes, the internet is correct. Use it at night, wake up with better skin. I don’t make the rules.
3. [Biologique Recherche Lotion P50 OG 1970] $88
2x/week (Spring Summer)
I don't have concrete evidence (just the oil on my skin) to back this up, but I believe my skin thickens during the summer. Feels like I need something heftier than the PC. Enter P50. Reminder, I'm not a doctor, nurse, teacher, your mother, an esthetician, a makeup artist, or a babysitter. This is just what works for me. Moving on!
4. [Dieux Skin Instant Angel Moisturizer] $45
I can’t explain how nice this is so I won’t attempt to. (See Justin Bieber, Angels Speak.)
Apr 16, 2024
đź’†
Taking care of my skin has boosted my confidence more than anything ever has. Right now my nighttime routine is wash my face with Bobbi Brown soothing cleansing oil, curolgy, retinal, hyaluronic acid, vitamin C, the ole henrikson undereye cream, and triple antibiotic ointment. My morning routine is washing my face with Sonya Dakar gentle facial milk cleanser, spray my face with Osea sea mineral mist, Osea hyaluronic sea serum, Sonya Dakar nano hydrator moisturizer and Sonya Dakar SPF 30. If I go outside a lot I use 50 spf. I had cystic acne when I was younger and Curology really changed my skin. It completely cleared it up. I’m so grateful for it. When I was younger I tried absolutely everything. Salt water, mouth wash, that nuetrogena face wash with the micro plastics in it. Nothing really worked until Curology. I also take Tri-Sprintec birth control because it is the most effective at clearing your skin. If I have a break out I take Doxycycline which is an antibiotic that stops acne from forming. It’s been a lot of work and not easy but I’m so happy I did it. I love face masks too. My favorite is Blue Tansy from Herbivore. It’s a nice exfoliator that really changes your skin. I notice a big difference with it. I also love sheet masks. Innis Free has my favorites. They just feel so effective to me. A nice evening to me is staying in and taking care of my skin. I love to steam my face, do an exfoliating face mask, then a pore cleaning one and then a moisturizing one. Then I do an eye mask and all of my skincare steps. It feels so good and I look amazing when I wake up.
May 26, 2022
Top Recs from @carolinecalloway
Ever heard of it?! You need it more than you think you do! Start with spools of 1.5 inch “double-faced” satin (I’ve linked my favorite Amazon brand) in the specific colors of: black, crimson, turquoise, goldenrod/marigold, and sort of a icy, slate-gray, periwinkle blue. A deep, wine-red burgundy in .5 inch velvet and an Easter-y, baby pink (or blue or yellow or lilac!) in .25 inch satin will also come in surprisingly handy. Use for beautifying hairstyles, presents, and bouquets of all kinds. Giving someone a single flower is made a thousand times fancier just by tying a bow on it.
Apr 8, 2021
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I’m saving about $2,000 a year on buying my press-on nails from Etsy instead of getting them professionally done anymore. Let that number sink in. And I’m having so much more fun this way, too! Some women have knitting. Others scrapbook. The hobby that enriches my silly little life with arts and crafts is gluing the most beautifully painted bits of plastic onto my fingertips. I’d suggest you buy two sets in the same sizes so that if one nail falls off, you can replace it. Two sets of the same design will create a manicure that lasts just under a month—I shit you fucking not. And here’s the kicker! After you decide to take them off you can still use them again someday. To sand off the dried glue from previously worn nail sets, you’ll need this $10 electric nail file from Amazon. I also like to organize my nail sets in this clear, $8 bead organizer, also from Amazon, so get that, too. To find great nail sets just type into the search bar on Etsy “press on nails…” and then whatever else you’re looking for. “Press on nails y2k.” “Press on nails French tip.” “Press on nails floral…” Etc.
Jun 22, 2023
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When I finally got on antidepressants and stopped self-medicating my depression with an life-consuming addiction to amphetamines, I bought, like, 200 bottles of perfume. It wasn’t that before I got on proper medication, I couldn’t smell. It was just that when I was in the thick my depression, smelling something lovely just didn’t bring me any joy. It was too slight a pleasure—like listening to rain or baking cakes—to affect me. The only way I was able to afford 200 bottles of perfume was Dossier. They make dupes of iconic scents at price points of $29, $39 and $49. Their candles are great, too! My favorites are the Diptyque Do Son dupe, the Baccarat Rouge 540 dupe, the Love, Don’t Be Shy dupe (it’s Rihanna’s signature scent!) and, since I live in Florida now, I also love the Le Labo Santal 33 dupe because people chase me down the street to ask me what it is. It’s so sweet and heartwarming watching Floridians smell Santal 33 for the first time. But obviously I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing that perfume back in New York. Being seen as an offbeat and eccentric weird is too essential my fragile sense of self.
Jun 22, 2023