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Instead of trying to schedule meetings, I’ve taken to going for a standing weekly or bi-weekly. Scheduling is replaced by skipping for the week. This works because I have a bunch of long term projects with collaborators right now, but it’s also nice because many of these people are friends of mine, so even if we don’t have updates we can just take the hour to catch up. This practice has bled into social life; I’ve now got a handful of monthly dinner dates in rotation.
May 17, 2022
Related Recs
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Everyone is busy. Everyone is booked up. It has become to new norm to fill my Google Calendar with dinner plans and late-night events, fully scheduled two to three weeks in advance. Resisting this adult timetable, drop-in culture still exists with a bit more brute force, it's texting beloved besties that I'm around the corner—can I come over for a coffee or a chat?—then breezing through on to my errand of the day or whatever else I have going on.
Sep 18, 2024
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sunday is a rotating movie night, someone else hosts and picks a movie each time. saturdays are for meeting up for a brunch/lunch and watching the new drag race. wednesdays are for trivia, if everyone can make it out. mondays are poetry club.
capitalize on shared interests and make standing plans
Mar 19, 2024
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Join groups. Not paid classes. I think people often show up to paid classes with a friend or two, and are just generally more focussed on themselves and their little project considering they literally gave up money to be there.
Instead: Find something like a community garden, a co-op supermarket, a mutual-aid volunteer group, an arts collective, the board of a local hospital or community center etc. People show up at these things alone...and if they show up with a friend, it is unlikely they BOTH will like it and have the time and desire to keep showing up. If you like it, and show up 2 or 3 times, you will get to know the other people who keep showing up! I feel like I am describing this poorly, but I have made meaningful connections with people in these settings and never from a bar or an event meant to meet people. Also, maybe we are different, but I am more interested in someone who takes time to put themself in this setting than someone who is at a bar at 2am. Quirky people are cool.
Other thoughts:
- Agree that consistency is key. I've read before that connection comes from being spontaneously in the same place at the same time over and over (not from planning rigid hangouts and putting them on your calendar a month out). I guess this manifests by becoming a regular at a cafe or a library branch or a park or joining a group like the ones above. Keep your eyes up and talk to the people who also show up over and over. (It's mot easy, I need to start doing this, I have many people I see over and over and chicken out about talking to.)
- I sometimes target people I want to get to know....lol. Did they mention in passing they want to try X meal at Y restaurant? (Regardless of how you started talking). Great I'm gonna text them in 2 days from now and invite them to that plan. From putting in 0 effort to making friends in college, and paying for it, I now realize you need to be aggressive sometimes about asking people to plans, and those who are open and available and sociable will say yes, and maybe they'll ask you to hang next time!
- The root of this is just talking to 923789 people and figuring out who is awake alert and attentive, so you have to find someone who isn't obsessed with their status quo, and who is willing to sit down at lunch with a stranger and shoot the shit. Circling back, I have found these people via community groups.
I was really excited to think about this ask because I think people take close connections of all types for granted sometimes. Hope I said something worth anything.
Mar 16, 2024
Top Recs from @ariaelise
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Not supposed to blow this one up but idk - since college my friends have been on the camel crush wave; in a way, the surf n turf of cigarettes. No one is asking you to crush it but I dare you not to. Just the end though. RIP thanks to the FDA.
May 17, 2022
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as a music focused tween I thought british accents were hot. I am in London right now. They aren’t. Also people give you too much information about stuff. I get it. that said, it’s warmer here than nyc right now.
Feb 4, 2024
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I’ve been preaching the gospel of Pinterest for years. People think it's for moms and sorority girls, but it’s actually just a fundamentally useful internet tool as long as you ignore its larger ecosystem. The Pinterest Chrome plug-in? Can’t live without it. It is especially useful if you are addicted to buying things you don’t truly need. I add things to my various pinterest boards as an intermediary step between desiring said thing and purchasing it. Often after adding to Pinterest, I just forget about the item entirely. But it is also useful for actually making shopping plans for home goods or an event. I used to say Pinterest was the better Are.na, but I’ve since come to understand are.na’s specific merits for research. It should be noted that it’s very important to keep your boards and channels private on both of these platforms lest you become the target of public humiliation and/or get your steez ripped off by some middlebrow loser.
May 17, 2022