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God this is A terrible story

I was very unapproachable and emitted a foul hostile energy that repelled any boys with good sense in high school who may have otherwise been attracted to me. But there was one boy, S., who really liked me (my mother told me recently: ‘I could tell that boy had no self-respect for dating you‘ LOL and she’s so right). I loathed him and found him to be so profoundly irritating and utterly lacking in refinement or taste but he tried his best to win me over by constantly assaulting me with his boisterous and animated presence. Unfortunately, I was on the court for my cousin’s quinceanera and needed a date, so I finally bit, having no other options and needing to RSVP several months in advance of the date of the event with the name of my ‘escort.’ We started dating before then because why not. My friends threw a surprise birthday party for me at my neighborhood park and after singing happy birthday to me, they all started chanting at me in unison to kiss S., so we went behind a tree for privacy and complied. All I really remember is that his mouth tasted like a burger exactly like the Wet Hot American Summer quote. This lanky string bean of a young man legitimately only ate pizza and hamburgers and only drank Dr. Pepper (I recently heard that he had come down with gout and I can see why). He had a giant collection of dirty Converse shoes, which he kept in a pile and wore to the exclusion of all other footwear, and he called them Chucks. He would write me love letters and I would correct the grammar and syntax in red pen and return them to him. He would talk about the children we were going to have someday and tell me that the song “Maybe I'm Amazed” by Paul McCartney made him think of me; I would tell him that I don’t think teenagers can experience real love. I convinced him to grow a beard to hide his off-putting pointy chin that made him look exactly like the tragedy and comedy masks ‘because it just looks so much better’ which he has not shaved since. 🎭 He ended up having an emotional affair with a pizza delivery girl from Oregon who was probably a catfish on the forums for the television show Psych (which he was obsessed with), which hurt my ego more than anything. After the breakup I burned all of the drawings and handmade gifts he had given me in a barbecue grill. I hope he’s found a sweet simpleton who treats him well and gives him what he needs. That’s the story of my evil past and the boy who gave me my first kiss.

@taterhole

Oct 16, 2024

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Simply wore a white button down and jeans

I should preface this with saying that when I first met him I thought he was hot, but I was dating his roommate so it was off the table. And I did not really think of him in any way other than a friend for a long time Until one day we were sitting in a circle with friends, he was across from me, wearing a white button down tucked into some jeans, chatting with our friend, and I found myself thinking I needed to go be on his lap. Then sort of freaked out internally, and thus began months of moments like this coming up and me squashing them down until eventually I couldn’t ignore the fact that I liked him and now we are married.

@mossyelfie

Jul 14, 2024

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down Bad for a lady

I went to this girl that I’ve been seeing for a few month ‘s show tonight. Shes the drummer and her band was soo good. I’ve listened to them before, but this was the first time I had seen her perform with the band. I’ve watched her play other times at her orchestra concerts and such but damnnnnnnnnn. I was mesmerized by her the whole time. After the show she came up to me before the next band played. Turned out that her parents were there so I had an impromptu meeting with them haha. We hung out the rest of the night until she had to wrap up. She walked me to my car and I drove her back. It’s confusing because we have an emotional connection and sometimes hang out without doing anything but that was the foundation of our relationship. I love sleeping with her, but I can tell we both like eachother to some degree. I’m just worried I like her more than she likes me, and we’re in different phases of our life. I love when we’re sweet together and we sometimes go on dates just to see eachother for a little while. We appear like a couple in public anytime we’re together, so it really messes with my head. I want more than what we have right now, and I can’t tell where we’re heading. Love being a lesbian, but I know my heart is getting wrapped up in this. I just hope this all goes the way it is meant to. 🫠

@orchidmantis

Mar 19, 2025

Top Recs from @alice-longyu

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Agent Provocateur

My favorite lingerie brand turned into my favorite brand period at this point. I wear their clothes/lingerie for my shows, to go out for lunches with my girlfriends, to shoot for my press photos. I am a loyal customer, I am on their website 4 times per week, I even made a song inspired by how this brand made me feel. I imagined myself being a dom call girl who rides a motorcycle to my appointments at Chateau Marmont, CHIC.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023

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Amazon dildo

I got my first sex toy off Bezos’ Amazon during COVID. My life has changed so much since then. I like it I love it it makes me feel so hot.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023

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STD test @ LGBTQ center:

It’s free and my gays are the best. The world needs to give LGBTQs like me proper money and opportunity. They need to recognize white boys club’s scheme, replace them with me, and blow me up cuz I am actually the best.

@alice-longyu

Jan 12, 2023