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Iām a perfectionist. Surprise surprise. Many people donāt really believe me when I say this, because Iām sort of messy, I never unpack my luggage after a trip, I have 50 different tote bags all around my house all filled with random things I donāt want to put away, and I procrastinate. But every time I have a show, Iām likeā¦no one talk to me before I go onstage. No one come near me. Amanda (my manager) is the only person I like to be around pre show. I put a lot of pressure on myself to have like āthe BEST SHOW EVERā and when anything goes slightly wrongā¦you knowwww Iām crying the second I step off stage. So on my most recent US tour, I got off to a little bit of a rocky start with some tech issues, which the audience obviously thought nothing of, lol, but I get soooo sad and down on myself whenever anything like that happens. I had one show in LA in January at the Fonda, and no offense to the venue but the sound was whack, and my in ears werenāt working, and I had no onstage monitorsā¦so I was likeā¦TERRIBLE. I was so defeated and stressed during my performance it was just a mess. The kicker was that everyone from my label was at the show, which I didnāt know until after i stepped off stage..sobbing. Iāve found it really comforting to watch youtube compilation videos of pop stars / musicians having tech issues, or just giving like bad performances lol. Itās the content that half of my suggested videos on youtube is made up of lol. Itās comforting to see that these sort of bumps in the road donāt really go away, but experience performing allows you to handle it better. Lol at that clip of BeyoncĆ© on stage saying āsomebodyās getting fired.ā I watch the compilations to reaffirm that itās not me doing anything wrong, per say, and that everybody, BeyoncĆ© included has a show that isnāt āperfectā every now and then.
Dec 20, 2022
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I just watched a TikTok (š) OK Go made about making the music video for Here It Goes Again and it warmed my heart. Sometimes we become so familiar with something we forget how magic it is. I really love reminiscing early internet / YouTube stuff, and this sums up the silliness a lot I think. OK Go were truly ahead of their time! Fuck ur big budget mv!!
Oct 2, 2024
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Yāknow, like comfort media. The kind of thing you find yourself coming back to every year. Maybe itās nostalgia, maybe youāre sentimental, or maybe itās just good for a laugh.
I came across this again the other night, after not seeing it for a few months. Was reminded that Iāve been watching it sporadically every year for half a decade now. The algorithm seems to send it to me a couple times a year and every time it does, Iām reminded of how much I love it.
Maybe itās the atmosphere. the first 4 minutes of birds chirping. the greens and blues that radiate off the screen. Maybe itās just the music. But everytime, without failure, it makes me hopeful. Optimistic about everything still coming.
Do you have one? I canāt be alone here. share it, if you do. Iād love to watch it and hear about what makes it special to you :)
Maybe itās the atmosphere. the first 4 minutes of birds chirping. the greens and blues that radiate off the screen. Maybe itās just the music. But everytime, without failure, it makes me hopeful. Optimistic about everything still coming.
Do you have one? I canāt be alone here. share it, if you do. Iād love to watch it and hear about what makes it special to you :)
Jan 30, 2025
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š„Iām usually a tv girl. I always binge watch series for hours sitting in my room, and I also have a strange habit of bailing on a show a few episodes before the series finale lol. Idk what thatās all about. Literally watched Ozark NONSTOP for days and then got to season 4 episode 2, and was likeā¦.suddenly iām out. Currently working on bailing on Gilmore Girls because every character is in desperate need of a vow of silence. BUT recently Iāve been movie marathoning. Watching, like..three movies in a row. This seems super boring and normal, but it is like an exercise in paying fucking attention to one thing at a time, which I struggle with lol. Recently, my manager and I were upstate sitting by a fireplace and we watched Autumn Sonata, followed by the Blair Witch Project, and ended the day with Eyes Wide Shut. Iād never seen Eyes Wide Shut, itās cuteness overload. Boobies galore. Autumn Sonata had me weeping - went into it thinking it was just a cozy fall movie about two girls who do nothing (my favorite genre) lmao. But yeah, having a movie marathon day instead of a watching tv while looking at your phone moment, is a lot more fun imo.
Dec 20, 2022
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š„Iām a Bette stan. I discovered her a couple years ago when I had covid and was locked away on my birthday in my bedroom with a bottle of wine and a plate of chicken and rice. I was raised on movies and tv, but I somehow never knew about Bette. I always knew the song, āBette Davis Eyesā of course, but didnāt know just how special her eyes really are lol until I watched All About Eve. It was my 26th birthday, I was a little tipsy, and I was scrolling through movies on the TCM hub on Hbo Max and saw All About Eve, and was likeā¦iāve heard of thisā¦letās see what this is all about. I was not prepared for the obsession that was sparked in me the second I saw Bette. āYOUR FACE LOOKS LIKE A JUNK YARDā she said that! I was watching her perform, and was likeā¦this woman is an Aries no doubt in my mind. Turns out her birthday is just a few days after mine. I wish I could have a joint birthday party with her. Sheās so funny, so in control, and allows the camera to see every side of herself, the ugly and the stunning. Ive watched so many interviews of her, I follow all the stan accounts. I canāt get enough of her. She makes me want to perform. She makes me proud to be an insane aries woman.
Dec 20, 2022
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šOkay, so I fell into the tik tok trap of trying to look like a teenager for as long as possible, and I told my dermatologist to prescribe me retinol. I used it, like three nights a week, and then got so obsessed with the false belief I had in my head that it was making me like a doll, I was using it almost night...yikes. But THEN, I went to a facialist and the second I walked in she was like ā¦.āyouāre using retinol, arenāt you?ā and she told me it was irritating my skin and that I should stop immediately. She told me to stop with all the serums, the at home peels, the 200$ lotion, and instead wash my face with Kloraneās micellar blue cornflower waterā¦random lol. And to use Aveneās Cicalfate+ cream by pressing it, not rubbing it, into my face over and over again. Iāve never had a more minimal skincare regime in my life, of course I still use SPF every morning, but stripping back on all the glamorous goops has seriously improved my skin texture and my overall vibe. Also, Iām saving so much money because Iām literally addicted to buying skincare, and now I feel like Iām not allowed to, and I have a weird religious school instilled thing where I donāt really do things iām ānot allowedā to do lol. More on that in my next album.
Dec 20, 2022