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"I look at my body as if it were a web, solely a way of asking people to touch me. My exist. I watch myself: I'm now heavy and eveely I begin to love huge curves of thighs zooming into the valleys around my belly I begin to love myself as if I'm someone else no I realize my attractiveness coldly, I basically couldn't care how I look; I can see anything in a set of shifting frameworks. I'm interested solely in getting into someone else. I find the heavy flesh sensual, as if it were permanent. I'm not sure if I think of myself as a a person."
Jan 25, 2024
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body is a vessel who carries me through life.
i’m grateful for the body i live inside and she needs me to be responsible for her.
body positivity is difficult if ur looks oppose the standard of beauty in your region. and i've observed a tendency to ricochet into body negativity from there. Literally no - that is full trash - shame, hatred towards yourself is painful and inconvenient and lame?
so in body neutrality - thoughts become ‘what do i wear tonight to feel good? does this meal need to ground me or energize me?’ and suddenly life is more sensual because one is more embodied in every moment. there isn’t that outside - looking in at yourself to monitor your perfection or lacktheroef - vibe which keeps us out of our intuitions and impulses.
suddenly you are liberated and …it’s scary at first bc u have thrown away the point of comparison which you’ve measured life against?
if that makes sense?
idk
Feb 1, 2024
I have a very distinct and lucid memory of opening an arts catalogue to a page where there was an entirely plain, bland even, nude prominent on the page, and my grandmother walked past and said, quite loudly: “oh my, they’re nude….” Along with a muttering about porn. There is such a lack of genuine, mere, appreciation of the body?!?!! I’ve gotten flack before for just happening to be shirtless on Instagram. Nothing thirsty, no contorted posing…just the lack of a shirt. And I hate it! I love humanity and all the physicality that entails!!! Picture is a detail of a 17th century Russian icon from the Collection of Mikhail de Boire.
Dec 12, 2024
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Naked or not, I’m a costume that moves, figurine with a face that changes. You could call me a mood. I begin cheerful but sometimes turn solemn when confronted with my own mythology (wolf in a cape, cat scratch on a cupboard door, mouse tail in the hand of a bland farmer’s wife, a drop of blood on her shoe). Today’s beginning ended in a dream. In a fantastical bed, a lover leaned in to kiss me just as I realized I was part machine, part primitive urge. I left the bed and said, You know, don’t you, not everyone is so disposed. And then I heard from inside my head, You should say, not everyone is so disposed to your utopia. Only then did I realize I’d been inexact. Even here there are scolds that tell you how to be. Sometimes they live inside. Naked or not, I am trying to tuck my arms invisibly behind my back so that all you can see are my breasts and my highly simplified head.
Jul 17, 2024
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Otherwise known as the BMW 2002... The nickname Germans gave to this "Whispering Bomb" of an I.C.E. automobile art object.
Jan 27, 2024
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"Now that I am wiser
I find everything confusing...
“Void where prohibited”—
How shall I read it?
How shall I think it?
I want to take it as an imperative
and pee on the floor of the public library."
Jan 25, 2024