Rec | ENTHUSIAM

✍️

i want to write you once so I do i want to write you twice and i do once more before i catch myself wondering if you are one (as we are one) of the ones who will pass me off as too much too much thought for moment too much happiness for hell too much woman for body too much beauty for depth too much trauma for honesty

@daphnejuliet

Jan 26, 2024

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🎭

heyy

and i made a song about you but it’s also about me and no one will ever hear it its called my thoughts and its not actually a song but the way music flies out of your mouth makes me want to say sweet nothings as i put my words with yours like a torn up half read book you keep by your bedside table that you tell yourself you’ll get around to. i play fast and loose with my actions around you, and maybe it’s too much even for me. i try to distract with overconsumption of digital content thst just fucking overwhelmes me and gets in the way of anything getting done. you’ll never read this by the way. but can i recite the pages of senseless amateur poetry i wrote about you? i never really belong anywhere, and i camouflage into a current residence until i trick myself into thinking i truly know the people i’m around. it happened once, the effect that is. im not there anymore, and i hope those people don’t hate me like i hate myself for leaving. this isn’t about you, just me rehashing horrible guy-wrenching emotions of a past (if you can even call two years ago the past), and things i don’t talk about. im the most observant person ever, and you wouldn’t expect it. i’m so sensitive, i pick up every little movement someone does and i overthink everything thst happens before and after a conversation, guilt racks me after any social gathering and i wonder if i said anything wrong. but there’s so much to be grateful for life is so so beautiful im so lucky to be alive and have this device that i’m emotionally giving myself to and have given my life to. i love love, life, and people and i already made a long post about this im not reiterating. and i love how i can see you everyday and stand on the sidelines as your hype man in your game of love, ill hold the water bottle of my unrequited longing, ready to serve drops of my musings of you only to accidentally pour myself onto you.

@huxsid

Mar 26, 2025

🧄

on numbness

you know what i find really interesting? that i’ve never not started a big little post like this without the words “you know what i find really interesting”? anyone who has ever met me has been a victim of this same quote, with no fault of their own, i am but a broken record “the entirety of your life is either waiting for the really good things or the really bad things” (my father) you know what i find really interesting? numbness. not it’s presence , not its absence, rather the fact it exists at all. i am moved by the fact i can be moved i often wonder if i have felt the entirety of emotions possible my disposal have i ever really been in love? can i look upon you with tears in your eyes and say, definitively, i know how you feel? is your happiness mine? do you understand my desires as i understand yours? i am but words on a screen and pixels that stand before you in their own right, words that are not contingent on your comprehension yet secretly hope and pray they do not fall on deaf ears. i do not need your validation, but i want it. tell me i am beautiful, or smart, or that the funny words i use are any different than another teenage girls, tell me you know too what it is like to be numb, and sad, and happy, and hungry. why do we write? why do we express? to remind you that i too am human, grappling with my own mortality every day? am i writing for you?

@22

Feb 11, 2025

⭐

the ocean

there is something figuratively beautiful about the things we know and don’t know, the sublime and mundane and when you visit the beach, do you ever think about if the animals who live in the embrace of the depths remember the beauty of the ocean? where the salt envelops every single one of us, accepting us as kin letting her wind tousle our raw, visceral edges and pepper them with her sea-foamed kisses which tell me that it’s okay to pretend and okay to tell the ocean all of myself the ocean reaches out to me, hands cloaked in the sharp coolness of water and something else- something i don’t understand as I poke around in a tide pool, like a vendor at a bustling market, observing the wares that the ocean has to offer and i turn around and ask her, do the barnacles see themselves? do anemones understand their own beauty, fragile and ephemeral? i don’t think they do. but the ocean doesn’t have any words for me, instead shutting my mouth with a shhhh as her sandy dress rustles down the shore, laced with white foam and gossamer trails of ripples and wordlessly, tells me to look and i do. until the sun hurriedly retreats from the wispy radiance of the moon, enrobed in puffy clouds and it's just the three of us. the moon tugs at the ocean’s hand, dancing to their own secret rhythm, letting me see them in their love. personally, i think it’s beautiful \\ and i wish i had something like it and the ocean laughs. nothing jeering or ridiculing, simply an acknowledgement that i understand. everything around me falls, like petals cast off from a chrysanthemum. and then, we were wordless like the ocean had never spoken in the first place. i want to descend into the depths of the ocean one day, to be hugged once more and never again. not because i am tired of being alive, but frankly within me exists too much zeal to live. uncontrollable surges of wow i am alive in flesh, blood through my veins, and thoughts in my head become more addictive than any form of fentanyl, cocaine, heroin and better than any gateway into a better life or a better existence, transcending normality and the moment it’s just me in my head, without the viscous energy of being alive suddenly drains me like a leaking bucket, decrepit and dry. i want to burn like a torch, setting my world alight into embers, into flames, into an inferno. Sunrise:: being alight || with a halo of only thoughts and dreams || and the divinity of something new