Feels reallllllllly tempting following a romantic fallout to "get back out there" for several reasons: to prove (to yourself?) that you are desirable, to fill a void left by ex partner, to see if things feel different with other people, to try to comfort yourself with the knowledge that not everyone is as shitty as the last person u dated. (sidenote: spend time with the question of what it fulfills for you)
This is rarely ever the right move. At least in my experience. I've literally caused myself psychic damage by jumping back in too fast lol. As cliche as it is, the best advice I have is to spend time (LIKE, TIMEEEEE. months) "dating yourself." You will gain confidence, learn more about yourself + have space from the event that leaves you feeling like dating is so difficult right now. Time really does heal all wounds...but jumping right back into dating is like picking a scab.
Fill up your cup in other ways in the meantime. Eventually, it will feel more natural/comfortable for you to ease back into dating - instead of trying to cram yourself into it and thinking that there's something wrong with you/you've sustained permanent damage because it's difficult. Your wounds won't be as fresh and you'll have a clearer picture of what you can/can't tolerate in a romantic relationship. It's hard! But u can do it! <3
Apr 1, 2024
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This time 4 years ago, I was reeling from the most embarrassingly heinous situationship that’s ever befallen anyone I know (lol this guy is perhaps a story for another time). Now I’m 2 years into living with the love of my life, thinking that I was too broken to ever get close to a human being again
Some of the (many) things that worked for me:
- Taking an extended period away from dating, far longer than I had thought. In a fucked up way, I think Covid saved my life since I functionally had no way to get back out there for 6+ months (I’m not counting those weird FaceTime dates). Even if you think you’re ready, it’s possible you could still benefit from time outside the cesspool just working on yourself and investing in friendships/hobbies/your career/learning new stuff/whatever.
- On a related note, therapy was very needed!
- Start a new, group hobby where you’ll see the same people each week. Not that you’ll forcibly end up dating someone you meet there, but an expanded circle often brings good into your life and it’s exciting to have something new in your life that isn’t tied to success on a dating app.
- Not to be that person since I always hated when people said this to me when I was single, but it always happens when you least expect it. All of the above contributes to a new you who isn’t yearning for it above all else. People are drawn to others who seem to be thriving without them and I promise you you’ll attract much higher quality people when you project this attitude (my own prospects were night and day since I was content in my own life and saw someone as additive not just looking for love/acceptance/contact from whoever could provide it).
Those are the things that came to me initially, but will keep noodling. Rooting for you ❤️
Apr 1, 2024
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first and foremost, you definitely shouldn’t stop talking about it, if that’s what you want to do. if something is on your mind and you want to express it, i feel like the harmful thing to do would be to bottle it up! just keep talking about it as much as you feel you need to and i can guarantee you that, over time, it’ll plague you less and less. eventually it’ll just become another aspect of your life you‘ve successfully grown and learned from!
my advice re: getting back out there is to simply take it slow. be observant for any red flags that you think could be indicative of a larger issue. also, make your core values clear from day 1! if someone really wants to be in your life, they’ll make it clear that they hold similar values :)
also, be sure to set your boundaries. be honest about your past and let them know that you’re still healing from it. any genuinely empathetic human being will internalize what you shared with them and be understanding!
overall, i’d urge you to remember that most people are not like your ex; most people want to cultivate healthy and loving relationships! i can’t imagine what you’ve had to endure - but thankfully you get to go out there and meet the person who deserves your love !! it’s super exciting !! woo!!!!
best of luck ☺️
Apr 1, 2024
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The most challenging part of breakups for me is rebuilding the infrastructure of your own life. Reconnect with the things you used to do before you started dating someone—(they might feel different and you might find they no longer work the way they used to, this is normal and okay) and find new things that help re-light the curiosity of your own life. We know so much less than we *think we do about what we might like/who we are, and breakups offer the perfect time to collect a little pile of ways/things/friends that help you feel more in touch with what you love and who you are. Gonna feel uncomfortable and weird but that means it’s working. Sending you love ❤️
Mar 16, 2024
Top Recs from @sunnyd123
How did this become a standardized measurement tool? it has such an emotional aura…
Mar 5, 2024
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As pi.fyi gains popularity I notice more and more people using it like twitter/trying to hit an algorithm/”tweetdecking” recs/memeing
so incongruent to me because pi truly feels like a place of respite from all the aforementioned internet behavior. using it to identify and share small joys from your day, talk about things you want more of in your life, share about yourself, explore things you’re curious about … I promise that’s “good content”. 🫶
Mar 7, 2024
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I love hand-writing a letter. the delayed gratification of it, talking about anything and nothing, decorating it with cartoons and drawings and stickers. Sending little extras and photographs with tiny micro-playlists scrawled out on the back of it. It takes at least an hour to craft a good letter, one worth receiving and replying to, and it's intimate to think about someone nonstop for that long. I just love that form of communication.
Mar 4, 2024