Ok this is pretty depressing, but i also find it really interesting. The first memory I can remember from the inside is when I was in the playground when I was 7. I was telling someone (I canāt even remember who) that my mum had cancer but that āsheās going to be ok thoughā. I remember knowing that no one had actually told me she would be ok, but that that was an extra bit I myself had added. Iām not totally sure if I even really understood what the concept of her being not ok would really involve, but I remember knowing that that was what people would want to hear and that I should add it for myself. I have some earlier memories than this, but none that include thought process so fully. Itās weird how the thought process feels the same as it does now, rather than feeling childlike, it feels the same as a thought process would feel now and I find that fascinating. I donāt know whether that moment would have stuck so strongly had my mother actually been ok, or whether it was knowing in hindsight that my lie had set up an incorrect expectation that made me feel weird about it? Who knows, but interesting nonetheless. I also find it interesting because nearly all my memories from that time are in the playground, and nearly none at home, which I imagine is my brain protecting itself. thanks brain, love you.
Apr 2, 2024
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My very first memory is a super duper random moment, stumbling over a rope bridge at a playground with my dad in my birth town, only memory there when I must have been around 2 years old.
Remember feeling somewhat confused, but beyond this momentary image no other associations with it.
I always wondered why this random ass moment was chosen to be so engrained in my brain and if it was maybe a precursor or aftermath to something else that was impactful enough to have made me register that- well if there was it did a good job hiding.
In the end the symbol of both being on wonky, maybe unusual/unsteady pathways and the confusion associated with it came to be very familiar feeling for me early on in life, which I guess didnāt make it such a random memory after all.
Apr 14, 2024
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Not a rec but here to tell you that I also donāt remember my childhood very well. I once had a conversation where I realized *I* was the weird one for not remembering much. I kind of wondered for a long time what was wrong with me. My memory is pretty bad generally to this day :/
Just putting this here so you feel a little less alone in this. My therapist will also try to get me to remember my child self but I feel pretty removed from her. It kind of sucks, but also I feel like i get glimpsesā¦ I recently started using stickers in my journal when Iāve completed a book, and it makes me feel like a child again, but I really love it. Maybe there are glimpses that will come to you, but itās hard to go looking for them
Aug 5, 2024
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I am by no means traditionally religious, but I fully understand how being in the presence of beautiful stained glass can feel like being with god. ALWAYS stop off at a church on the way if you think it might have good stained glass. The bluebells in the bottom right corner of this made me loose my breath for a moment.
1d ago
Apr 14, 2025
I used to be envious of people who had āMySpace friendsā or ātumblr friendsā. Now I have PI.FYI friends. Thank you capyboppy for your lovely letter and this illustration of a capybara and a mouse with fruit on our heads, it made me weirdly emotional ā¤ļø
Jun 11, 2024