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-carrying a cane is vital for me getting into character for Monopoly The Musical, and I would never do anything halfway.
-you know how when you skydive they say there’s an extra parachute? Well. Sometimes there isn’t.
-it’s the funniest thing! did you know there are sharks in the Anacostia this time of year?
-got in too deep with the mob. I’m never looking back.
-You know how it was… Back in ‘nam
Apr 27, 2024
Related Recs
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one of my go-to’s is coming up with a scenario like “do you know someone with (weirdly specific features) cus i just heard them talking about someone and it sounded like your name” and i fully commit to the bit to the point where i have to consider cutting them off because it’s getting too serious.
May 28, 2025
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i wouldn’t recommend doing this around your regular haunts, but occasionally i’ll pretend my life circumstances are different to strangers in customer service interactions, just for my own laugh. example: i’m buying 2 gallons of goat milk at the farm stand, the woman behind the counter says, “that’s a lot of milk!”, i reply, “i have family to feed” (i am unmarried and have no kids).
OR
i walk into a lamp to store check the price of a stained glass rooster lamp. the owner says ”135”, i say, “okay cool, going to go run it by the wife!” (i’m gay).
typing this out makes me realize this will really only ever be funny to you and will only be fun if the false identity is so far from who you are. if you’re just gassing up aspects of your life then it becomes weird and maybe psycho.
Jan 6, 2024
As soon as I close my laptop - I am dumb.
I get to the bar, I have noooo idea about marketing and advertising. Politics?? No idea. Communism - is that the same as punctuation? I have NO idea where Brussels is.
When I leave work I wanna be a bombshell.
Let’s discuss the cultural significance of Leah, JaNa and Serena. I wanna DISCUSS Scheana and Ariana Madix. Let’s cackle and say words at each other. surely we can just print more money. I love your shirt. Who bleaches your hair? I’m Australian tonight.
(Yes I’m still single)
Sep 18, 2024
Top Recs from @andbettywhenyoucallme
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Despite my past fears, I have spent the last year leaning to love bugs. Researching bugs and looking for them on my walks and noticing noticing noticing. Things are less scary when they aren’t unknown! The world is more beautiful when you appreciate the things that make it work! To be alive is to be in community with the wild world around us! Bugs are cool!
Mar 21, 2024
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Kiss your partner on the forehead! Kiss your friends on the forehead! Their whole personhood is just below the surface reeling and thinking and feeling! Press yourself close to who they are and make them feel loved!
Apr 27, 2024