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I was an idiosyncratic little dabbler which i guess i still an

I had a strict self-imposed morning routine starting in elementary school where I would set an alarm to wake up at 5:00 am, get up and go to the backyard where I would do circuits alternating between running laps, jumping rope, jumping jacks, push-ups, and crunches. Then I would sit and watch Pappyland, Golden Girls, and knitting shows until my dad made me breakfast and I would try to get to school very early just so that I could be there before other people were. I wanted to be a standup comedian when I was four, then a news broadcaster, then an author, to name a few. I wrote a novella in fifth grade and shared it with everyone I could. I loved agility training my dog Holly. I was a voracious reader and checked out every book out in my school library to the point my school librarian started bringing me her own books from home that she thought I would be interested in. I had approximately one million Barbie dolls and their associated accessories and I liked to make outfits for them and have them act out news broadcasts and murder mysteries. I would take roly polies from the dirt or crickets from the pet store and build habitats for them. I liked gardening with my dad, pulling weeds, propagating cuttings, and planting seeds. I loved going to the zoo and watching movies on TCM with my mom! My dad is an artist and taught me the fundamentals of art and to use all kinds of different mediums, but my favorite was oil pastel. I enjoyed doing still lives the most. I liked to rearrange and decorate my bedroom—once I made a closet breakfast nook that I was really excited about; I called it Dorothea’s Cafe after my late grandmother and decorated it with her embroideries. I loved Nancy Drew games and other computer games. At night I would take bubble baths in the dark and play whale sounds in my Barbie car that had a built in CD player. As I got older, I was in youth symphony orchestra (I played viola which is so me), choir, school musicals (wanted to be a Broadway star until I realized I couldn’t dance but also I kept getting cast as a boy), math club, and speech competitions (poetry readings and dramatic readings were my favorite). I liked to write original fiction and comics for my weird goth/emo/scene anime nerd friends to read. I did get into anime and manga at this time and I loved reading nonfiction to learn about as many things as I could. In high school I gradually retreated into my shell after a series of traumatic experiences, one of which I’m writing about now, until basically I stopped doing all extracurriculars except for Japanese Club (lol). I just really loved my Japanese language teacher and wanted to spend more time with her :-) by that time I would just read classic tones and furiously scribble poetry and drawings by myself. I also liked to collage and do photography and I unfortunately became a Tumblr user. That’s about it…

@taterhole

Oct 18, 2024

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hello

I’m 50, I say because that makes me unusual in this context. I paid [redacted] for a ticket to the Eras Tour after listening to tswift for 3 weeks, and it was worth it. In second grade my teacher gave kids birthday spankings over her knee, and in sixth grade my teacher told my mom I hadn’t blossomed yet. I’m a good friend, mostly to people on the internet. I’m good at conversing with strangers. I’m usually the oldest person at the show but don’t feel like it. I’m good at being helpful. I’m sarcastic and funny and make myself laugh. I’m a good graphic designer and a conscientious driver. I’m a good photographer and I can successfully follow recipes. I don’t use my Peloton enough. I did a lot of caregiving for my mom for several years, and we enjoyed spending time together even if it was mostly in waiting rooms and my car. The fastest I ever ran a mile was eight minutes and six seconds. I drove the same car for 20 years and then replaced it with another one. I enjoy tipping, giving money to people on the street and Disneyland. I am a fan of baseball, Formula 1 racing and the Criterion Channel. I solve about 80% of New York Times crosswords. I take Prozac and Wellbutrin, and take Trazodone to sleep through the night. I wish I had a glassed in solarium so I could sleep in it on rainy nights. I would like to have a pet cat and a garage. I could happily live eating only cereal and fruit. I overshare on the internet and undershare elsewhere. ✌️💛

@bee1000

Feb 28, 2025

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I wanted to be cool i guess

But I am kind of a goober with the most boring job on the planet just objectively speaking (luckily it gives me freedom to do other fun things in my spare time like writing and making stuff like a podcast and now YouTube gameplay videos). You can see a recommended post below this one entitled Well to read about my prior career aspirations. Teen me would probably be disappointed but it’s okay. I finally own a dog like I wanted. I have clear skin, boobs, and the ability to talk to people now which I never thought would happen. i live somewhere green and rainy instead of the sunny desert! I did also get to fulfill my attention-seeking childhood dream of being on TV because I’m a hair model for a local salon owner and we did a spot on the morning news (lol). I have very nice hair in general all the time for this same reason which was something I always dreamed of as a reckless serial DIY hair cutter/colorer. Editing to add that I also wanted to die tragically young of tuberculosis and fall in love in the sanatorium. or to be like Emily Dickinson and live by myself next to a cemetery writing to myself but feared having my imaginary future writing shared posthumously without my consent like Kafka. But look at me now I can’t stop posting so I think I failed at the whole mysterious hermit thing (though I am relatively solitary)

@taterhole

Oct 18, 2024

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Starting over

“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.” — Anaïs Nin This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share. I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice. I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see. I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and  logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay! Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible. I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom. Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌

@taterhole

Mar 16, 2025

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Never changing

My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌

@taterhole

Feb 23, 2025

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Finally Quitting the job that you hate

Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ✅💅

@taterhole

Feb 27, 2025