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"’The Will to be Dreary’ is a morose little imp which whispers to us that something which we know would be fun would be too much trouble, will take too much time, is too expensive, and probably wouldn't be as amusing after all as just now you think it would be. Now don’t listen to that voice. Tune it out.”
May 10, 2024
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been working hard to internalize a quote i read online recently. it says “the time will pass anyway whether i handle it emotionally or not… how utterly pointless to suffer so much & still choose to be miserable”. reminds me of that old Seneca quote, Something about the man who worries before necessary, suffers twice. when things already suck, i still have the option to be happy & make things better for myself. i know it sounds easier said than done but many times I’ve found myself rejecting this notion when a little bit of kindness towards myself, a deep breath & some patience would’ve gotten me through. every Moment is an opportunity to turn things around & make myself happy. gratitude helps a lot w this. blurting This all out here coz i know it’s an idea ill soon forget once im actually in the throes of a tough time ⭐️
Mar 18, 2025
inspired by a convo I had today + Sabrina Carpenter’s speech at a variety event last year (?)
I hope this reminder finds anyone who needs it because I know I needed to hear it today (yes I was tweaking out ok) — I know this sounds awfully annoying when you’re in the midst of it all but I hope we find it in ourselves to genuinely fall in love with the process, whatever that means for us as individuals — whether that’s with a craft, goal, or vision etc etc.
for me personally i am learning to appreciate the version of myself rn. to expand, the version who is still trying to figure out how showing up authentically looks like for me, feeling v awkward while doing so, but also trying to remember that i will never have her again. i saw this quote also the other day and it really moved me
Apr 18, 2025
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it may be cringe. it may have been said before. but sometimes, after we are continuously exposed to the same phrases we start hearing them as background noise, hearing them without actually fully listening to them and applying them to our lives. your reality is literally whatever you choose to make it!!! and you are the only one who is truly in control of that and can truly shape that. i absolutely hate the tumblr romanticizaction of sadness and the notion that “positive/happy people are stupid or ignorant” and that “negative people are broody and intelligent because they see the world for what it truly is”🥀. it is so damaging to think that way, on the first-hand, to yourself, and it is soooo easy to fall into a mindset where you victimize yourself. on the other hand, it is so difficult to be in a negative circumstance or surrounded by negative things and purposely choose not to wallow in your misery and to instead take control of your life and concentrate on the positive parts of it instead. YOU are the one who has to live in your own brain at the end of the day- why would you want to make it an uninhabitable environment? you’re basically the architect of a new house in creative mode on minecraft and you’re choosing to build a dirt block house instead of a mansion. (ofc this is a generalized statement and it is so valid to be sad and be going through it when you’re going through adverse circumstances. i don’t want to advocate for toxic positivity and i think it’s so important to recognize and feel your emotions, good or bad! Denying/avoiding your emotions is also extremely damaging. also acknowledging that this can come easier or harder to different people in different circumstances.but regardless, at the end of the day, you are in charge of how you respond to your circumstances!) it is so easier said than done, especially if you’re in a rough patch of your life or have built a habit of romanticizing your sadness. this is something I have to remind myself of all the time too- tldr: negativity should be acknowledged and experienced, and not a basis for identity.
Apr 11, 2025
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“Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage.”
— Anaïs Nin
This is uncharacteristically raw and personal, even for me, and pretty heavy! I know many of you have seen me posting through it and I feel safe to talk about it openly now that I’ve safely landed at the start of my new life. It’s honestly even a little bit embarrassing but I think it’s important to share.
I’ve never publicly mentioned it on here, but I have a husband; as of Friday, we’d have been together for 11 years, and we’ve been married for 3 years as of 2/22. I realize now that I wanted to explore what I looked like outside of my relationship with him because I had lost that. This is why PI.FYI has been so meaningful to me as a space to express myself and connect with people—to rediscover my voice.
I had been living a lie this entire time, to others but worst of all to myself. He’s been verbally and emotionally abusive, physically but without touching me, to the point that every day I spent with him I was in danger. I’ve been shrinking myself and walking on eggshells to avoid making him insecure and provoking his casual put-downs and fits of rage, while hanging on for dear life to the threads of good I could see.
I’ve wanted so badly to leave, more than anything, but I felt like there was no way out and that this was just something I would need to endure indefinitely—but someone who is so very dear to me helped me see that I have wings to fly, not by acting as my savior but by reminding me of my own power. The emotional safety they built and the gentle care they showed me made me feel like I could open up to them. With their encouragement I was brave enough to tell the truth to my friends, my family, my boss, and they have received me with warm, loving and open arms and rallied to support and protect me. The financial and logistical aspects were the most intimidating to me and it’s going to be tough for a while but I’m going to be better than okay!
Now I’m opening up to you. This isn’t the only abuse I’ve suffered in my life, and my old therapist told me she believed it was my mission to share my strength and light with others to inspire them and show them that change is possible.
I hope that by sharing this, I can reach even just one person who is going through something similar and show that they are not alone, and they are not weak. People with certain backgrounds may be more vulnerable to abuse, but it can happen to anyone. It thrives in darkness, shame, and isolation—and breaking that silence is the first step toward freedom.
Leaving is the scariest thing I have ever done but I have so many angels around me, and I am endlessly grateful. Thank you for being here with me 💌
Mar 16, 2025
My dad teases me about how when I was a little kid, my favorite thing to do when I was on the landline phone with somebody—be it a relative or one of my best friends—was to breathlessly describe the things that were in my bedroom so that they could have a mental picture of everything I loved and chose to surround myself with, and where I sat at that moment in time. Perfectly Imperfect reminds me of that so thanks for always listening and for sharing with me too 💌
Feb 23, 2025
Schedule sent my resignation email for the morning, effective immediately ✅💅
Feb 27, 2025