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i was a "have so much potential person" now i just stopped doing all things that makes it real. its fucked up how these people loves to call us with these stupid title like a "gifted kid" or whatsoever, i mean it only make a lot of us delusional. now every things that i used to do just makes me angry, disappointed, and unhappy.
i wish i can redeem myself and find things im passionate about and have a normal easy life that is filled with things that makes me happy.

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Like if i was so gifted and talented how come im 27 and ive never had a job for more than a month?? How come im not talented enough to pay bills on time and shower every day?? I do not have a gift for replying to my mum's texts, or letting myself relax...
May 28, 2024

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I need to work. I need to keep my mind busy with goals. Big ones, small ones, ambitions and routines, I need it all. As a kid I was always labeled uh, like smart. Or something like that. Gifted. I was a gifted child hahahahaha. I was praised for my verbose conversations, and knowledge of trivial shit from pop culture and presidential history. I didn’t have a lot of solid friends growing up, and I spent a lot of my time with adults. So, I was always pampered with “You’re gonna be ____ one day!” And that shit. I never built a work ethic. I guess it’s my fault, but I don’t know if it was internal or external. As an adult now, I feel like I have to make up for that lost time. I have to constantly work on my personal affairs, and the events I do. Or else I’ll fall into that childhood-teenage bad habit of not doing anything.
Dec 26, 2022
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I worry about wasted time. Adventures, meaningful weeks, good memories, take so much effort and I often don’t have that drive. I graduated a few months ago, did nothing to celebrate, done nothing since, just slept and dove into new responsibilities. Milestones have gone by with fizzles rather than bangs. A life worth living is a life that needs making, effort, time, intention, I just need to want that
Jan 31, 2025
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this is coming from someone with awful ADHD that i cant allow myself to hinder or sabotage my life because of mental health issues
thinking of seeing a therapist again because i don't want to be people who can't do anything anymore
imagining a world where i am people who can do anything ..... i hope that is me this year
Jan 13, 2025

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cure for rainy mornings :)
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I'm getting into ties recently and there's a bunch of them that I have so far. Not sure if id be able to use all of em one day but u know fuck it I really love seeing colorful prints and patterns on my wardrobe everytime.
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it started when i watched scott pilgrim