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A HUGE text that probably no one will read but I'm bored.
Everything as we like it: you didn't ask for it, but you'll get it, sign here. I took the three most popular questions in this category and "very briefly" tried to convey the essence of MY thoughts on them. MY THOUGHTS. NOT RULES. NOT FUCKING PHILOSOPHY. I MIGHT BE WRONG. And i might delete it later just like J. Cole.
(small footnote - I don't know anything myself, I'm living for the first time, I could be wrong about everything, I just have nothing else to do on vacation, so I write. But, it might be useful to someone, because I have a certain system in my head, I live by it, I like everything).
1. "What to do in life?" - this is, no joke, the most fucking difficult question in life.
Along the way, it transforms. People aged 18-24 ask it just like this "What to do in life?", and around 30 it forms into "How the fuck to get everything done?", but the essence is the same. You don't know what's worth spending time on and what you can fuck off. And there's no mechanism for making decisions about it. Around 50, it seems to transform into "Why the fuck do anything at all?", but I haven't gotten there yet, can't say anything.
So, if you're 17-24 and you don't know what to do in life - it's totally normal. That's how it should be, everything's fine. Your brain isn't even fully formed yet, and you're already trying to find answers to the most difficult questions. Fuck it off, you'll just waste time, you'll rethink everything 10 times later. The coolest thing you can (and should, imo) do is gain experience. You need to try everything possible. You need to try all kinds of hobbies, different fields of interest, touch different professions, try different people, different countries, different food, different companies, everything different.
The idea is very simple: you have a fucking long time to live. And the sooner you understand what you REALLY like, the better. You're just freely trying different things from creativity to science. Find those that really excite you and dive headfirst into your love. It doesn't necessarily have to be a job, by the way. It can be any activity, people, company, family, hobby, anything. Treat everything as a test drive. But, not just like that, but with the purpose of looking at your feelings. You taste all the markers for taste and color, choose your favorites and calmly dive into them. And over the next 8-10 years, with sincere love for the thing, you can build such a career (family, relationships, competence, blah blah blah) that you'll be surprised yourself.
In short: try, compare, analyze, accumulate favorite activities and people. You're probably going to live a long life with them.
(I fucking love writing huge texts, for example. Here I am sitting by the ocean under a palm tree, next to a pool, bar, all that stuff, but typing on a laptop is far more interesting to me than all that combined)
For 28-35
For you, it's not all that joyful anymore. If the above-described work was done initially at about 20 years old, you have minimal problems. You're doing your favorite thing and you probably already have significant results. You just need to learn to allocate time for rest so as not to completely lose your mind, allocate time for loved ones and everything will be fine. Finding the right balance is indeed a challenge, but it's a purely individual battle. But at least you know where to look for the answer - in the balance.
But for those who didn't do the preparatory work at +/- 20 years, it might be fun. When you, not knowing your real preferences, real interests, real mechanisms of endorphin production in your head, jump into some long activity (a long career where you need to work 8-10 years for a promotion, family with children, mortgages, some other serious commitments), then you really have a 50/50 chance.
Either, you just guessed right and everything is fine, or you're fucked. At 30-40, to discover on some random Tuesday that everything you've been doing all your life is empty and doesn't bring you any joy - that's fucked up. It's very unpleasant. Because in your head you immediately have two extremes: either resign yourself and pull the strap to the end, knowing that nothing bright is foreseen in your life (well, something bright will be, but certainly not as you dreamed as a child), or destroy everything and build anew, and you're not 20 anymore. You've already spent 10 years. And the feeling of a missed life/opportunities will only get heavier with each day.
(if one of your friends starts doing some incomprehensible shit that he never did before, take a closer look, maybe he needs support)
What to do in such a situation? I don't fuckin' know. I've never been in that. But, what I definitely WOULD NOT do: I would definitely not make sudden movements and not destroy everything to the foundation (firings, divorces from wives, moving to another country to start "all over").
There will be no "All over". You're already 30+, and part of your life has passed as it has. It's neither good nor bad, just a fact. And no matter how you turn it, you did something good during that time. Family, competencies, position, some resources, real estate, blah blah blah. And there's a lot of valuable, important, and bright there.
But, if it became clear that something in life is SERIOUSLY wrong, then this understanding is already good. And you start with something simple - give yourself an hour a week to try what you've always wanted. Everyone has one hour a week. Just to try. Without conclusions, analysis, reasoning, and judgments of yourself. Just try your foot in the water in the pond once. A week later you can dedicate another hour. If you really like it, then you can dedicate an hour every week. Or even two. And gradually, little by little, add things to your life, but NOT GIVING UP everything you already have. You've been building all this for many years (including your personality), you can destroy it in a week, but it may take another 10 years to rebuild it all. And it's not a fact that it will be possible to restore everything in its original form.
The scheme is the same: give yourself something to try, if it goes on distance and you really want it, then CAREFULLY, quietly, start reallocating resources in that direction (attention, money, time, here and there). Don't break anything, but gently change the course of your ship. Because sometimes it happens that somehow hormones in your body just fucked up at one moment, your head is sideways, you believed that your life is complete darkness, destroyed everything, and then on the ashes it let you go and you realize that you destroyed everything just like that. And that's even more painful. Therefore, little by little, by teaspoon. Ideally - with a psychologist.
(I have a process in my notes that I should try this much new stuff in such-and-such a period, works great)
2. "What to do if you've lost your bearings?".
Very simple: the only bearing for you - is yourself. You - are the only person with whom you will fully live this life, all its joys and difficulties. Teachers will leave, idols will crumble under close examination, loved ones love you (I hope) just because, they wish you well, but they will not invent the meaning of your life for you. Only you can decide. And if you set a bearing on someone or some picture, what to do the moment that person or picture disappears? Be sad. But you shouldn't.
Therefore, we look at point #1, open a pack of markers, and start trying each one. And we make decisions based ONLY on our own taste and color.
3. "How to find the strength to get up in the morning and start doing something?".
Not at all. Want to do something - do it. Don't want to - fuck it.
The essence is very simple - you have one life. Just one. There won't be another. Absolutely none. And there are no chances of a "Continue" button appearing after a dark screen. They won't even show the final scores.
There will be no feelings, no wind in your hair, no close people, no achievements, no travels, neither pain nor joy, fucking nothing. After some time, we all will have nothing and we ourselves will also be gone.
Personally, this realization really motivates me to get my ass up every day and do something. Achieve new career heights, earn money, travel, meet people, take care of my mind and body, because I won't have anything else. I have my torso, I have my life, I have some mechanism of endorphin production in my head and I have to do something with all this.
We are just guests here. For a bit. We can peek into this world, literally for a moment (60-80 years - it's just dust, in the context of history). And personally, I want to use this moment to the fullest. I want to smear myself with my favorite markers from head to toe and roll in them as long as possible.
And if you don't want to, you don't need anything and generally you're fine (considering that no one will give you a second chance) - well, that's great! Not joking, I'm really happy for you if doing nothing is
a conscious decision that gives you joy. You can confidently sit on the couch, grab a pack of chips, and wait until your heart stops.
And I'll still, probably, twitch and do something. Of course, I understand that globally all my activities have no meaning. In the context of history, my particular life means fucking nothing, so it doesn't matter what I manage to do during my time. Any result of mine will be erased a few years after death. Well, maybe in ten. The main motivation - I just have a lot of fun, it's interesting and exciting. That's all. There's no global meaning, I just enjoy it. Because I found my markers by random trials and errors. And I'll find a few more in the future. And I really don't want it to ever end, but it fucking will.
So, the only thing left is to have fun, enjoy and live life. You won't have another opportunity to do this.
Jun 11, 2024
Related Recs
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mirabelle! congratulations on making it to 16, having an undeveloped brain and going through puberty kinda blows. so i'm proud of you for surviving what might be the weirdest time in your life for self perception, relationships (of any kind), and mood, lols.
i'm 31 now. i'll be 32 this year so i'm twice your age! i could really like go AWFF and give you the full run down of my life story but perhaps i'll save that for another post.
i actually read this book when i was a teenager called Einstein's Dreams. it's about all these different realities where time behaves differently, it's really cool. it made me think a lot about the future! speaking of Eisntein, time is relative. so each year that passes, goes faster than the one before. 1 year of your life when you're 10 is 1/10 of your life. as you get older that fraction gets smaller and smaller and smaller. sometimes a year feels like 6 months. it's wild. i also recommend you read "4,000 weeks time management for mortals" it's not really about time management, it's about changing your perspective so you can live a life!
one thing about life that will always be true no matter what age you are is that it's always going to be messy. you can have your shit together and shit can still go awry. it's how you pick yourself up from that mess and move forward that determines the next phase/step and ultimately the rest of your life!
so your frontal lobe does not develop until your 25. your frontal lobe is responsible for basically making sure that you can move through life with a rational mind. at some point you should google "what is the frontal lobe responsible for" and then give yourself hella grace if you are struggling in some of those areas. i low key wish we didn't go to college until we were 25. you are still SO young in your 20s. i still feel like i'm 27.
when i turned 25, it was like the fog cleared and suddenly i felt calm. i wasn't so angry (still angry but just less angry) as i was when i was much younger. i had a lot to be angry about, my therapist can confirm this.
now this doesn't happen to everyone... but because i'd SEEN some shit when i was younger i have a very different perspective on relationships and the world in general. i dated a really kind, generous, giving man for 10 years from 20-30. when i turned 25 i started really questioning if i should stay in this relationship. he never gave me a huge reason to leave, it was comfortable, safe, and familiar. so i stayed. when i turned 27 things really started to shift. i learned how to properly feed myself so i didn't feel like shit all the time and so my body wouldn't break down and stop working. again, i'd seen and been through some shit as a kid. when my mood improved, i was able to really grow into myself. i started to become the person i dreamed of becoming when i was 8, 9, or 10. i wish i had had the chance to become that person as a teenager, but life doesn't always work like that. and age is dumb and life is (hopefully) long! also if anyone tries to date you that is significantly older than you before you turn 30, RUN.
i realized that most of my decisions i made in my late teens into my 20s were done because (a) i was living in survival mode and (b) i was doing what i thought i "should" be doing.
as a women and a child of shitty parents, i never learned to put myself first. i never learned how to live for joy, i never learned how to listen to my heart, mind, body, and SOUL. i started to realize i had to leave this relationship because i wasn't happy. and that was enough of a reason and arguably the most important.
now i'm rebuilding my life. but, i'm trying to be the person that when i'm 60 (god willing), i'll look back and say thank you for taking care of me and this body and also fuck yeah that's a fucking life!!! those two outcomes don't have to be mutually exclusive.
also adults don't know shit. some adults do and some adults DON'T. some adults never mature beyond middle school. i wish i was kidding. i teach middle school science so i work with kids and parents, i am a reliable source on this. learn how to identify the adults that know what they're talking about and are mature and the ones that don't.
my advice to you as a yung cherub, if i may, is
(1) find your passions and try to make a life out of those passions. or find a job that let's you pay the bills + still follow your passions on the side. this will keep you going.
(2) LISTEN TO YOUR GUT. there is a wisdom so ancient within us. it KNOWS. listen to it, nurture it, thank it.
(3) make as many friends as possible. close ones, acquaintances, party friends, friends you can vent to, friends you can go on walks with, friends you can pick up right where you left off even if you haven't seen them in years. there's this saying that stuck with me -- "we're all just walking each other home" maintaining friendships is the secret sauce that makes life so delicious. the people you keep in your heart are like the stars that light the sky as we walk each other home (corny alert). also connections RULE and can help you get to where you want to go in life! all the rest of it is pretty meaningless. š¤·š»āāļø
so yeah that's about it! i am wishing you an awesome rest of your LIFE!!!! also if you peak in high school and college that's a fucking loooooooong time to be on the decline. stay weird. be different. do you. and love big!
Apr 12, 2025
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or I guess theres no set time of oneās life that should universally be their golden years, rather. I had an awful time starting my 20s, I graduated in 2021 having already lost half my college career to the pandemic, spent a year post college trying unsuccessfully to launch a career, lost another year moving back home to deal with family obligations, then found myself at 23 thinking I had missed the window on some universal period of self actualization that was supposed to happen between ages 19-22.
I think this idea is engrained in us because the progression laid out by our capitalist framework is that we do k-12 school, figure out how to apply our knowledge to a field in college, then know ourselves well enough by then to fit into whatever role we have chosen as the most productive for ourselves, and then do that stably as a career until retirement. or you get married and have kids to and support the domestic life of the partner who progresses professionally. obv what crises like COVID demonstrate is that this progression is flawed, and itās not a one size fits all mold. to limit oneās entire development as a person into what they do to prepare for a lifetime of working is insanely reductive.
if you find yourself jealous of those younger than you, itās likely that you envy the stage of life they are in - the stage just before they assume responsibility and obligation and lose the agency to chose how they apply themselves. this is somewhat of an imposed illusion, though. we all have agency at all points of our life to make the choices that can lead us towards our own flourishing, whether they be big steps or small ones.
for me, I decided to change career paths entirely and pursue grad school. iām about to graduate and now iām feeling like my passions are leading me elsewhere other than the field I set out to enter when I started my program. I turn 26 in like 3 weeks and iām still figuring out what drives me and how to pursue it. for some folks that clarity of direction may come sooner, for some it may come later, but the point isnāt for that clarity to steer you to a destination where you then arrive at self actualization and can finally enjoy being - the point is to have the clarity to enjoy where youāre at within process of discovery. to be is to be in process.
ditch the assembly line mindset you were taught, you donāt come out of your early 20s a fully assembled human ready to produce economic value. your whole life is a process of constructing and deconstructing, adding on new pieces, finding joy in troubleshooting the newness of each piece, swapping the old parts for ones that might serve you better, being informed in the creation of the new by what didnāt serve you with the old. you slowly build yourself into a state that works in each moment to produce the greatest flourishing for you in that instance. to inhabit that process actively is self realization. itās a task, not a place.
you arenāt a fixed piece, and you shouldnāt envy those who are chronologically younger than you because you assume time grants them more freedom to assemble themselves than it does you. they might be more or less realized than you based on how much time or thought theyāve dedicated to the task or how much freedom theyāve had to pursue it. understand, though, that you have control over how much time and thought you dedicate to your own realization and can act on it regardless of stage of life. sometimes obligation gets in the way of the immediacy of that ability, trust me I get that, but even taking brief moments to envision what things or places or people or experiences might serve to build you up in the ways that you need is valuable in and of itself for granting you a sense of direction that you can pursue at any time.
just donāt get so caught up in feeling like you need clarity first to know what to do. donāt sit around getting distracted waiting for it to come to you. interrogate it, seek it out. use your time wisely, but donāt be mislead into thinking thereās a timer on it. thereās no deadline if the assignment isnāt to present a product but instead to enjoy the process of creating and discovering for as long as you so choose.
Jul 11, 2024
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16 years old was a weird time for me. it was the second time in my life I came out and being trans, and I have a huge memory gap right before the tail end of being 16. it's weird that I don't remember much of it anymore.
I think my biggest take away is that it hurts to let your perspectives change as you age, but you just have to let it happen if you want to grow. a lot of people you'll find in adulthood are stuck in mindsets and worldviews that form around their 20s, informed by things they vaguely remember as teens. not that there's anything wrong with it, just that I personally feel that the teenage years might be the most self aware time of your life, while simultaneously being carefree for some. life at 23 for me feels like constantly having to work backwards - why do I believe this? why do I have this bad habit? why am I struggling with this same thing over and over? I feel like you still struggle with that when you're 16, but in your 20s the layers on top of the problems begin to form. and you can't avoid them, nessecarily. it's just easier to figure out why you have certain habits and beliefs before time obscures them, even without the memory loss I have.
as you control your own life fully you find it harder to get out of more intricate ruts.
the reality is, that we don't know everything. 16 is a time in your life when people almost demand you start planning for your future. and there's nothing wrong with that, nessecarily. but nothing is future proof. we have to live with a grain of salt and not get too involved in things that hurt. that gets harder to do as you get older, get stuck repeating old patterns. but practicing introspection and curiousity in your late teens is a great way to keep that muscle up as you get older. because things will change - facts, ways of life, even your opportunities you have. it just pays to be humble but optimistic.
also everyone's lying being an adult is pretty cool. I might be biased but I love having autonomy and a life and being taken seriously and getting older. never thought I would have any of those things. taxes suck but it's once a year and we have TurboTax now who cares. working sucks the most but it's just like going to school. you plan life around that chunk of time. only as an adult it's super flexible what you want to do.
also things hurt more now than they used to already. I've started grandma-maxxing with cardigans and canes.
Apr 13, 2025
Top Recs from @nebraska
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The best advice I've found, especially as a perfectionist. As someone who always strives for flawlessness, I've realized this mindset can often hold me back. It's easy to get caught up in making everything just right, but that can lead to never finishing projects or, worse, never starting them. This advice reminds me to focus on completion rather than perfection. It's about making progress and not letting the fear of imperfection paralyze you. You can always refine and improve something once it exists, but you can't improve what you haven't created yet. It's about striking a balance between quality and actually getting things done
Jul 17, 2024
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My grandpa once told me:
"Live a worthy life. What makes a life worthy is something only you can define for yourself. So, live a life that feels meaningful to you, as long as it does not prevent others from living theirs. Don't let others define what a worthy life means for you. If for you, a worthy life means building a large family, build it; if it means earning a billion dollars, pursue that goal with all your might; if it means making as many memories as you can, go ahead; if it means being religious and praising God, do so. Live your worthy life and ignore anyone who tells you otherwise."
I couldn't find this quote anywhere so I think it was his own wisdom. Rest in Peace grandpaā¤ļø
Jun 8, 2024
