We have cared for our siblings and family, but when does the line in the sand begin to blur? I have grown into my 32 year old self quite well (with some scrapes, bruises and the occasional tantrum along the way) and as I form relationships I seem to hear the same phrase over and over,
"oh, you're so maternal!"
"you give off this motherly energy i feel so safe"
it that pisses me off every time
I know I am kind and patient and a good listener but that doesn't feel sexy, exciting, or mysterious; because I am those things as well.
I find it to be a curse I can’t seem to break no matter the amount of tattoos, piercings and hair color changes I get. It's something in me I appreciate and something I can’t help but question if I would have developed naturally had I not had this role assigned at birth.
The eldest daughters in a lot of POC households tend to end up in the role of mother and it comes so “naturally” but how do we honor it and in that same breath not let it define us?
Do I want to be a mother because of the responsibilities put upon me indoctrinated me into thinking I would be good at it (I absolutely would) ? Or can I live my days as a spinster, knowing that I would make an excellent mother, and that knowledge would be enough.