I completely and utterly ruined my sleep schedule rather than fixing it this summer, which unfortunately goes against my goals. However I'm learning that not everything is a dire situation, life and death, and in that I can breathe.
To just be. That I can just exist; I don't have to be a prodigy at a certain something rather learn to sit and take a step back to assess. I had a stressful junior year especially in April, I've dug myself in a pit I've recently gotten out of.
I constantly have to remind myself that I will always have room for growth and an unmet goal doesn't equate to failure. The lenience I give myself after such a long time is thanks to my boyfriend, and I'm happy with everything he's taught me. Its been philosophy, love that is patient and gentle, Marty Robbins, being open about my passion or disdain, support. Some are things I've either hated or disliked yet I find myself smiling and paying attention because I love him dearly, and with that I show support and interests he adores.
I'm seeing him again tomorrow, and I'm super excited. We're going to buy things for an upcoming trip later this month, and its going to be our first time traveling out of the city together and having a roadtrip. He's going to make me partake in playing at a water pit, but I'll oblige because if there's anything I've learned it's that life is too short to not do anything.
He also told me that he's going to get me a sketchbook specifically for outings and dates, which is an idea he brought up at our last outing a couple of days ago. I've never been super proud of my artwork, but with him I want you try, at least see why he loves what I create. He's always super happy when I draw or sketch something for him, so that's something I'll do more often when I can.
That's another thing, I don't feel guilty anymore when he insists on buying and gifting things, taking me places; he spoils and indulges my whims and wants. It's sweet, truly, and I always find myself wondering how I got so lucky.