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CHANGING AS A PERSON

i’ve changed my behavior in what i think has been pretty drastic ways recently. i have no idea why. and it’s really confusing me and sometimes really pissing me off. -i started an instagram spam/photography account. why? i don’t know, why not? i told myself i needed a new hobby, so i chose photography. it’s easy, it’s accessible, it’s fun. and i posted 2 things already cuz idgaf what people think, and i promoted it!  now why is this an issue? i dont post. i posted one of my cats for her birthday on my regular account because i felt the need to. i wanted to. but i don’t know why. she’s cute, sure, and everyone should see her, but why did i post it? there was no logical reason to. -on a similar note, i have this entire fucking blog. again, i never post, yet ive been posting on here like every three days. and its shit i would never tell people i know. i mean i ranted about my friends to random strangers on the internet but i will never confront my friends about what i was complaining about. i mean im using this as a way to get my feelings out cuz god knows i have no one to talk to. ok but this now makes me ask where the line between being dramatic and letting out feelings is. is me saying i need someone to talk to because im about to explode dramatic or is it me trying to be emotionally healthy? is asking for help me just being a drama queen or is it me looking out for myself? and then where is the line between sharing feelings and over sharing? is this whole thing me just sharing how i’m feeling or is this over sharing? -i have a crush that im allowing to take over my mind for some reason. which is really annoying me. at first it was a cute little crush on a friend (which, already a bad idea) and id just be delusional about it, but then i told 2 of my friends about it (more bad ideas) and im fairly certain he knows i liked him (oops).  but he also clearly doesn’t like me back, which, eh. i didn’t really want anything to come from it anyway. i’ve found myself wanting to experience what dating would be like, but when i think about it logically, it scares the hell outta me and disgusts me. like seriously e w w. see, i dont know if i actually like him or if i just want to get to know him better because i have no friends. hes a good guy, dont get me wrong. but hes just a guy. there’s no reason to be getting worked up like this.  -ive also just found myself liking my friends more. i used to think i was someone who would be perfectly content in flying solo my whole life. but now im starting to get why people have friends. cuz i really fucking love my friends. they are always so great to be around and are so nice to talk with.  i want to hang out with them. but i don’t know what they’ve got going on in their lives and if they’d want to hang out with me. plus i don’t want to ask, get turned down, and then it get awkward. (it’d be an awkward conversation. it wouldn’t stay awkward. but still)  regardless, i love hanging out with them in school. even if its only like 40 minutes a day, i love it.  -and really the entire reason for this, im becoming more outgoing! i’m going up to people more, im being silly and just more myself around people. i’m putting myself out there more! (clearly)  but my problem with this is that i felt like i was starting to become annoying. i sometimes annoy myself with how much i talk to myself, and ive noticed im sometimes like other people who i see people find annoying and this really freaked me out. so much so that i asked my friends if they thought i was annoying. they all said no, of course. 3 said that she likes listening to people talk and says that i deal with me the most. 4 said that im the voice of reason most of the time, that i don’t actually yap as much as i say i do, and that i could be so much worse like him (which idk where he’s getting that he yaps a lot (which is the same thing he said about me) but i digress). and 2 said that i feel this way because im becoming less constrained and more like myself.  and that all really made me feel validated!!! like i was friking jumping around because i felt so good hearing that my friends don’t hate me! they are all so damn kind! ❤️ but most people know me as a very reserved person. they know me as someone who doesn’t speak unless spoken to, who just sits there by herself, who is perfectly content on being by herself. but they don’t know that i like hanging out with other people and i’m trying to be more outgoing.  (ok sidebar. it’s not even like i’m consciously doing this i stg it’s just happening)  like i was sick the last couple days and lost my voice one morning, and my dad literally said, “oh no. you’re not gonna be able to be the chatterbox you usually are”. my mother once fucking described me as a “broken faucet”.  well i said how i was becoming more outgoing, but i just cried at the idea of having to talk to strangers ._. (crying in a church bathroom honestly is great) but, i’m changing, clearly. and i don’t know why. is it because im a piece of shit who sucks? is it because i see this working for the people around me and want that for myself? is it because ive given up caring about what people think about me? (it’s a lot this last one). or it might just be because im allowing myself to be me. i’m allowing myself to be who i am, to be my usual silly self, to not hide away my interests and opinions, to have emotions and feelings and not bottle them up.  i’m growing as a person, and i like it. i’m still figuring out who i am of course, im still young, i got plenty of time, but there’s nothing wrong with exploring and playing around.  also i’ll just throw in “Yes I‘m Changing” by Tame Impala at the bottom here. it’s self explanatory as to why

@jill_m56

2d ago

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Leaning into nostalgia in a healthy way

I’ve been thinking a lot about friendships that for one reason or another ended up falling apart throughout my life. Some were my fault, some were theirs, and some a mix of both. Some have been redeemed, some are being restored as we speak, and some will never be mended or fixed. I think for many years I was so convinced that I needed to make amends with everyone, regardless of how things went. It felt like I had an obligation to swallow my pride and apologize, even if I wasn’t at fault. I spent so much time dismissing my own feelings in order to repair things with people that never really cared about my feelings in the first place. That was a majority of my early 20’s. Looking back now at 30, it’s interesting to see how time has given me so much peace about letting certain relationships end and not feeling like I needed to revive them. It’s a strange acceptance that at some point, we must have been good friends for a reason, even if I can’t remember what that reason was and that I can remember the good moments and the laughter and the fun and the trips and the celebrations without focusing on the bad. It’s like the time has allowed me to forget exactly how bad the bad times were and it makes the good memories seem better than they were. In my 20’s I would have either tried to fix everything for the sake of the good moments, or I would have stubbornly tried to forget them entirely because of the bad. But it feels different now. So much time has passed and I naturally find myself thinking of those people less frequently, but when I do think of them I remember them more fondly. And it’s okay for it to be just that. There’s no need for more, no need to reach out, no need to make things as they were. It’s an acceptance that some things do just end and that’s ok. I don’t have to focus on the bad, it’s okay to celebrate the good that existed if even just for a small amount of time. The laughter and the love and the companionship was real then, even if it doesn’t exist any longer. Here’s to hoping all those people are doing well in life and finding success and love and building a life with someone and establishing their legacy. Here’s to hoping that good luck finds them from time to time. And here’s to hoping that when they remember me, hopefully they wish the same good fortune my way.

@marianoleonczik

May 2, 2024

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Caring begets more care, loving begets more love

In a world and in a political landscape where it is so easy to despair, looking into the eyes of another human being and really listening while they speak means so much. The more you seek connection with others, the more opportunities for joy and belonging will open up to you. It is so easy to feel downtrodden, isolated and afraid nowadays. My own tendency to isolate in times of stress and sadness has often left me little energy to think outside of myself and my immediate circle. There are times to turn inward, but it is so much more valuable when those times of reflection are met with connection. I, like so many, have had unhealthy ways of coping with my own traumas and grief, my insecurities and broken heart. Over the last year, I have put in real work to better myself, to respect myself, and in garnering this renewed self-love, I've found I have more to give tenfold. Eating well and moving my body really does wonders, gives me more energy and inspiration to take care of myself, and by proxy those around me. I suddenly want to read more, cook more, engage in more meaningful conversation, take on new projects with friends that will enrich our lives. I've been feeling so existential and sentimental recently, in an extreme way I've never experienced before, because it is paired with the efforts I've made to treat myself differently and better. For the first time in what feels like a very long time, I actually find myself wanting to make the most of my life, of life in general, instead of lying in wait for some invisible, impending threat, or even merely waiting for things to maybe work out in an acceptable, tepid way someday. I want to make the most of everything. I think this is the key to sustained happiness and hopefulness–—listening to what your body wants, treating it as well as you can, and using the stamina you achieve to connect with others and be present in the world. It may all be doomed, but I still see beauty around me simply by not turning away from it anymore, enough beauty to really, really believe that it is such an exquisite accident to be alive. 

@linfo

Mar 7, 2025

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Brooklyn pi.fyi meetup — success

florinegrassenhopper riotgrrrl brendanooooo slowdazzle buck_mcgraw and indianjones — we did it. Not only did we successfully meet for drinks, but we also schemed the hostile takeover of this app from tyler tonight. In all seriousness — weird that an app I downloaded in April would make genuinely want to drive back into Brooklyn during end of day traffic for a happy hour. Great app filled with great people.

@marianoleonczik

Jul 20, 2024

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very appreciative of all you on this app

I feel like there’s a special connectivity on this app that I haven’t felt in a long time, maybe since early 2010’s tumblr. The fact that you can’t promote yourself like IG is wonderful. The fact that there isn’t mass video content like Tik Tok is great. It’s not this monetized / paid sponsorship app. People are here because they want to be a part of something with nothing to gain besides friendship. Seeing the URL -> IRL meetups warms my heart so much (waiting for an NYC or Brooklyn meetup). Thanks for your participation on this niche little app. I smile reading all the recs and all the comments and all the asks. Hope we’ll all be here for a long time.

@marianoleonczik

Jun 15, 2024

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Just appreciating your pi.fyi feed

I think a life rule for me is to surround myself with people who know more / are smarter / are cooler than me and just absorb their aura by listening / observing them. It’s made me the incredibly smart / cool person you all know and love. I just never thought I’d feel the same way about URL friends. I’m constantly listening to the songs I see posted here, reading the articles, subbing to newsletters, and googling topics that get tossed onto the feed. It’s nice to know you can become a more rounded person by just absorbing what your mutuals post on here. I’m going to sit on my couch, have a cocktail and digest my lovely feed. Happy Sunday!

@marianoleonczik

Sep 15, 2024