Related Recs

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Being a bit more honest with yourself (and others) about life

I grew up being taught that I had to act a certain way and present myself a certain way and when people asked me how life was, I was supposed to say “blessed.” Growing older there was a moment or two of realization that saying that everything was always good and dandy and perfect was so unhealthy and was indirectly a lie to myself and everyone around me. So I started to do the opposite. I may have over-corrected a bit, but I’m not going to lie to myself or those around me about the reality of life. Ask me about parenthood and I’ll tell you that I love my daughter, but parenting sucks some days and you sort of mourn a part of your former life. Ask me about living in the suburbs and I’ll say that I love our ex-Brooklyn-filled-neighborhood but it’s not the urban lifestyle we love. Ask me about marriage and I’ll explain that my wife my favorite person that’s ever existed, and yet some days she’s the most annoying person I’ve ever met and some days I’m convinced she thinks the same of me and is scheming to strangle me in my sleep. Life is good and great but it’s also hard and complex and has a lot of variables. I don’t always feel happy or blessed or secure; most days I’m unsure what it looks like to even get through that day. But that’s life! And it’s beautiful and great with every part of it, good and bad, on display and accounted for. I think it might rub some people the wrong way, but I think it also has given me a special access to people going through similar life seasons. I had a friend call me the other day panicking about his newborn and being a dad and worrying about accomplishing his dreams while having to shift his lifestyle. And he then mentioned mutual friends of ours who have the ✨instagram perfect✨ marriage and family and kids and lifestyle. He said he didn’t think he would ever be able to be like them. The truth is, no one can be like them, and that life they post about is so finely curated and edited. It isn’t real. And to compare yourself to that will make you spiral. So I did what I do best and proceeded to unload on him the realities of the first 90 days of fatherhood: chaos and sheer panic and sleeplessness and weight loss and hunger and paranoia and blah blah blah…ended it with reminding him that if he can make it through those 90 days the rest is cake, and that he can always call me to complain about his baby. I could feel the relief in his voice to hear the truth of life: it isn’t perfect and it will not be perfect and that’s fine. Clearly I’m writing this to self hype myself as an amazingggggg friendddddd / husbanddddd / daddddd…or…maybe it’s because I’ve learned that if you can be honest about life and its challenges with yourself, and then with the people around you, it actually buys you some credibility with them. It makes you relatable. It makes you a safe place. And I think we all need more people that are safe places, and I also think we all should be better at becoming safe places for the people around us.

@marianoleonczik

Aug 5, 2024

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Give yourself the time to know yourself like you would do with those whom you fall in love with

A little personal, but being non-binary, I grew up very dissociated from my body and my time, so I don’t remember a good chunk of my formative years and have retained none of my hobbies. Recently tho, I have been trying to piece myself back together, so I have been spending a lot of time on my own. Another thing about me is that I have crushes everywhere I go, so I spend a lot of time loving others. After breaking-up with an ex that made me feel very neglected qnd unappreciated, I decided that I was going to give myself as much love and attention as I give my crushes and lovers. This has changed me. I just let myself feel my feelings and get carried away by them. I get myself little treats and flowers, I get myself little treats and gifts. I organize little fun dates/plans for myself where I engage in new hobbies. Small manageable things that don’t feel too overwhelming to learn, like decorating Altoids tins with collage or journaling. By letting myself navigate the world through my feelings, I’ve discovered what I like, dislike, and developed little rituals and habits that I can then tell other about and share. Social media has helped me that way, surprisingly. I treat my instagram like a scrap book and use it to document my feelings with shitposts and photos; the visual story telling makes me appreciate the little things. Pinterest allows me to collect things I like and develop a taste with no effort and no consequences, and I end up with huge pin boards full of pictures and art I love and that make me feel particular things I can name and explore. This app has been good for that too. It takes time, love, self-compassion, and trust. Trust that the love others give you is legitimate. Trust that you are liked for a genuine reason. Trust that the mundane is magical by itself, love it for that. Trust that you don’t need to be special to be worthy of love, you can just be a person and that’s really cool <3

@ro

Mar 11, 2024

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alleviating responsibility

i had to learn to let go of those exact questions as well. although specific romantic situations weren't the main subject, therapy helped with reframing situations like this. idk about you, but the why 'x' , should i 'y', how will i 'z' questions for me were often assuming some responsibility over what happened. i think what i (and maybe you) needed to find out is why a fleeting connection upset me. - did an interraction/ghosting make me feel insecure about my personality/looks? - am i genuinely sad to be losing this person? - am i missing the attention? (/did i think they were giving me something i can't [spoiler: you can] give myself?) ( +extra why do i value their opinion [that i made up in my head because they never actually communicated it] of me more than my own?) i believe most of these ghosting (-like) situations don't necessarily have as much depth. more than likely the ghoster hasn't made up an enormously morbid and horrendous picture of you in their head that made them uninterested. i don't know if you met through a dating app but it's especially easy to lose connection on there. there are some really cool and genuine people on there but very many humans like the rush of meeting someone new and once it's not giving them as much of the yummy brain chemicals they want the next thing. effort seems like a currency and unfortunately some run pretty low on those funds and periodicaly i do too (which is when i stop using the apps and save mine and others' time too). and then of course there are personal reasons but anyway. i try to look at brief connections like that as some warm up for someone really cool that's gonna come into my life and be grateful that it happened whatever way things turned out. might be cool to write out some things that you are glad you experienced, things you learned about relationships and most importantly some things you learned about yourself! i believe each person teaches something to you both about themselves and yourself, kinda like some sort of spiritual exchange tldr: - try not to assume responsibilty - find out why it bothers you - write down what you learned about yourself

@loopsie

Jul 21, 2024

Top Recs from @jill_m56

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HAVING SILLY THOUGHTS

i have a Note called “i think, therefore i am” where i write down all the thoughts i have that i want to document for whatever reason. and they are honestly really funny. (i think they’re funny at least)  here are some of my favorites -*doing math* “i blew a negative!!” the guy named a negative: 😏 -i am fueled by delusion, spite, and crosswords -eye contact is actually the worst thing ever -“you okay? you look deep in thought” “oh no. quite the opposite” -“i was- i was gonna have thoughts-“ -when your first crush hits you so hard you find religion -buttocks!!! -catching feelings? nah ur gonna catch these hands -who, what, when, where, why THE FUCK -“i have thoughts sometimes INSTAGRAM WHY DO YOU LET ME NAME A LINK BUT DONT SHOW IT ON THE PROFILE wait how long can i make this ok im trying to add the bee movie script but its not working oh there is a limit-“ -i <3 eye contact -*i drew Honse on my paper* my teacher: i like your dog me: it’s a horse… :( -friend that is a girl: i think im lesbian. i don’t think i like men me (girl): you have no reason to *turns to friend that is a boy* no offense- friend that is a boy: heh-

@jill_m56

May 5, 2025

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LETTING YOURSELF HAVE FEELINGS

ive recently been inspired by a friend to actually share my feelings. not in a silly, self-deprecating way anymore, but in a ‘i’d like to talk to someone who would actually listen’ serious way. he’s got a blog on here too, and yes, he’s literally promoting it and it’s out to the public, but it still feels weird to read bc it is such a personal thing. but i think there’s beauty in sharing personal feelings like that. ive been joking saying im just exposing myself, but releasing these feelings is what i need. i need to learn to open up and stop bottling everything up and pretending im ok (side note - i actually have no idea what ok actually is. sometimes i think i am actually fine and happy, that these are just regular people problems, that sometimes im just blowing this out of proportion. but sometimes i also think these problems shouldn’t be minimized and that talking with someone (either a journal like this, a friend or trusted adult, or a legit therapist) would significantly benefit me)  and before anyone goes saying ‘jUsT tAlK tO a THerApiSt’ i’m seriously considering it. i’m just trying other alternatives before i commit to something. plus my last attempts at therapy did not inspire confidence in the practice.  i’ve got a journal i’ve been writing in for nearly nine months now, and while it is nice to write, idk i feel like screaming into the void and maybe someone who feels the same way i do seeing this will make it feel even better. plus im too stingy with the way i have my journal set up. it’s more to just document my day with the occasional feelings (or 6 pages worth of feelings), but this blog is for long-form, organized feelings. (plus typing is much nicer than writing by hand for longer things like this) i’m also gonna try and remember to add songs recs (the entire reason for this app, right?) that vaguely correspond with the content of the post.  recently, i’ve added A LOT of songs to my playlist. most notably “Basket Case” by Green Day. it’s been on repeat lately. it kinda just matches the confusion and chaos yet self awareness i’ve been feeling recently. i’m not the best at music analysis (which also is kinda the point of this app ._.) so i’ll just say: i just like everything about it. it’s relatable, it’s fun (take that with a grain of salt, but ykwim), it’s catchy. it’s a good song to belt out when im home alone and feel like singing something with deep meaning behind it  (pls don’t come at me for not being able to analyze lyrics. i’m not smart enough for that) (ok there i go again on my own putting myself down. but what i mean is im just not good at analyzing literature and stuff) ok well im looking through my friend’s blog that inspired all this, and he goes a lot more into the music rec part (which, again, the point of this app), with the feelings tied in. but they’re also a huge music nerd and i’m not. and a large part of why im doing this is the catharsis with the music recs as a secondary priority. (tbf we all probably already know and love “Basket Case”) but idk y’all are weird. i saw someone just recommend their cat so. (tbf, i recommend my cats too). i mean the big recommendation for this post is expressing feelings and not bottling them up. it’s really helpful just getting it all out. anywhooooo,  i like yapping, in case it wasn’t obvious. and if i do it like this it’s faceless to a bunch of people who will a) never see it or b) never know who i am or c) not care or d) relate to my problems and give some good advice and tell me im not alone.  ok this is already doing its job. im enjoying writing this shit down. it’s cathartic! i feel so much better just getting these feelings out and not bottling them up!

@jill_m56

Apr 30, 2025

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HAVING AND MAKING FRIENDS

why have friends? because they make life slightly less miserable. they give me something to look forward to everyday. our stupid conservations about whatever bs springs up are so much fun and i enjoy them so much.  lots of my feelings lately have been related to my friends and i’ve unfortunately found myself questioning my status as friends with these people because of how little i talk to them. i see them at most twice a day and talk to them at most twice a day. i also barely talk to them outside of school. how about instead of sitting here and panicking about not having any friends, let’s look at my friendships with the four people i call friends let’s start with my best friend (she/they). i’ve known her since first grade when we met at summer camp. her and i have been best friends ever since. we used to be inseparable. recently tho, really throughout our high school careers, i feel like our friendship has kinda diminished. her and i really are just goofy together, we aren’t serious. (they legitimately told me how they don’t trust me with stuff that’s really dark and deep). which, as much as it hurts that she doesn’t trust me with stuff, it’s just how our relationship has come along. she only sees me as goofy and unserious, which is a large part of my personality, but i CAN be serious if needed. its just that i try to keep things on the light and positive side. when we hang out (which is happening less and less lately), it’s just absolute bs and them gushing over their boyfriend. which, i don’t mind. i just like that we’re hanging out and being silly together.  next is a friend i think is insane but also super funny. (she/her (she calls herself an ‘amorphous blob’ and i love it). she’s annoying as hell, it’s actually insufferable. but most of the time she’s tolerable. she’s an english and history and philosophy nerd, so she constantly talks about some book she read or yaps about the French Revolution or complains about the sentence length of the Communist Manifesto. but i’m a math and science nerd. really, we don’t have much in common when it comes to our interests. but we’re smart people with interdisciplinary interests. she’s also just a good person to talk with. yes, sometimes she gets very intense, but most of the time she’s a good person. i’ve told her some things i haven’t told anyone else (not actually true but she’s the one i’ve talked about it the most with) and she’s always open to listen to me complain and always willing to give advice. (and the same goes with me to her). she’s really not as bad as i make her out to be. we’ve all got our quirks, hers are just slightly more obvious and annoying than others’, but she’s good people. third is a friend i’ve made this year (she/her). i have memories of her from last year, but i became friends with her this year because she’s friends with my second friend and bc we have Stats and Lunch together. and she’s a good mix of everything. she’s more of an english/art nerd, but she’s not insufferable about it. she’s very level-headed and a good person to talk with. i really enjoy our conversations. she’s listened to me complain about my Boy Problems and has given my very good advice on how to handle it. honestly i kinda feel bad not having more to add about her, but she’s just one of those people who you just get (and who gets you) and doesn’t need a long description because they are just a good friend.  and last of the people i consider my actual friends is my only friend that is a boy (he/they). i feel like he and i aren’t actually really friends compared to how im friends with the three previously mentioned people, but i still like to call them my friend. idk they’re just fun to talk with (when i rarely talk with them). ok the more i’m thinking about this, the more i really question the evidence i have to call him my friend. i see him at most twice a day, and talk to them maybe one of those times. and just- idk it’s weird.  (this has happened twice a couple of months ago and has not happened since) i’d post a note on instagram about sumn and he’d reply with some random response, i’d have really nothing to reply with, i’d like his text, and that’s it. we don’t talk about it again. or sometimes he’d randomly bring up something that happened to him, which i really don’t mind. actually it doesn’t happen as often as i would like. I LIKE TALKING WITH HIM. BUT WE RARELY TALK BECAUSE WE HAVE NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT. the longest conversation we had was about a school project into college financial aid.  ok well, sometimes we do math together because we both like math. (we’re nerds, i know)  it’s annoying being in this weird limbo. i feel like i can’t talk to him without making it awkward. ok well so me and friends 2,3, and 4 make up what i call the “lunch crew” (bc we do lunch together) and honestly we have some of the best conversations when we’re all together. like we’re talking about the most random shit and sharing some semi-personal details (our sexualities) and i really appreciate how we feel comfortable with each other that we can share things like that. oh acquaintances. i should mention the people im friendly with (im friendly with everyone (well, most people)) but im not FRIENDS with everyone. i’ve got some people in my classes i talk to.  i’ve got one girl in my Calc III class that i enjoy talking to. she always asks me how my morning has been and we be goofy about calculus together. honestly i kinda miss her when she isn’t there :( and i’ve got a sophomore i once had one sided beef with but i honestly now admire him. he’s incredible at his instrument, and yes ofc being overshadowed by a kid that’s younger than you is annoying, but ive made peace with it and now i really enjoy seeing him work his magic. if he doesn’t get into Juilliard, im gonna pissed. i’m sincerely rooting for this kid.  “Why Can’t We Be Friends” is such a perfect song for this post. the singer is hoping to be friends with whoever he’s singing to, and i’m hoping to be friends with my friends and make new friends. i mean my relationships are a little less dire and more established than the relationship in the song, but the gist is there. lyrics aside - the song is just goofy. 50% is “why can’t we be friends?”, 50% is that weird psychedelic funk shit i’ve come to enjoy. i could have picked the original version by War, but the upbeat, faster tempo and the general wackiness of the Smash Mouth version i think just fits my situation better. (both versions are still weird as hell. what are these lyrics???) i mean i talk to people. i’m not a complete loner. i know i don’t really come off like it, and i certainly like my alone time (and often do prefer it), but i really do enjoy company. like, i went to europe on a “class” trip over spring break. and we went to pubs a couple times to watch a soccer game. now, i don’t care for soccer one bit, but i still enjoyed the experience because i was with my peers. despite all of this, i don’t know anyone outside of school. i barely know anyone outside of the 5 people i see everyday. i hear people all ‘oh i was talking with so and so’ but how the hell do you start conversations that last and are meaningful? how can i initiate conversations without fearing for being annoying or bothering? i never know how i can start conversations and not feel bad about being a nuisance.  so this whole rant comes from graduation coming in not even two months (oh god) and how ill probably never see these people again. i talked with my dad about this, and he’s actually still best friends with one of his friends from high school 35 years later, and he says that friendship is a two way street. if you want to be friends, you have to try. so i hope to be able to keep in touch with these people after graduation and into college, but im scared everything is gonna get too much and we’ll lose contact.  but such is life, i suppose. you gain friends, you lose friends. but im gonna hold onto my friends as long as i can. (you can’t get rid of me that easily) 

@jill_m56

May 2, 2025