Making lists has always been therapeutic for me, so I put together all the things that helped me deal with it so far:
1. Read: Shifting the Silence by Etel Adnan (which she wrote about dying), the epilogue of "Like a Urinal in a Nightclub" by Luo Jr Shin (to think of grief as the recognition of love)
2. Listened: Wasteland Baby! by Hozier (while sorting through documents, nice reminder that we are all doomed, but wrapped in love and set to song)
3. Watched: Asteroid City, A Beautiful Day in The Neighbourhood (bonus points if it can be on a plane, on a tiny screen in an aluminium capsule hurtling through space and time with the low low possibility of dying yourself)
4. Think about how long a sound from the dead takes to be embodied - from a performance by Lawrence Abu Hamdan, on the Nuremburg Trials
5. Unsolicited advice from Instagram writer Krystal Buck, "...there are four things that will change you. Love, music, art and loss. The first three will keep you wild and full of passion. May you allow the last to make you brave."
P.S. crying is good, let it flow.
Aug 19, 2024
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Play music, if she likes it. I second telling jokes. If possible, invite friends or other family to come say hi and tell stories. Don't be afraid to ask for help, people sometimes have a hard time knowing what to say and genuinely want to do something to feel useful. Something easy to ask for are homecooked meals for you and your sister. Ask the nurses for help and advice. Try your best to take care of yourself, especially when it comes to sleep.
And I second taking your time to feel the grief and leaning into honest and the weirdness. Speaking of weird, listening to Alan Watts lectures helped me, both in becoming more comfortable with death and thinking about how beautiful life is. I can't remember which ones, but maybe something to look up if you feel drawn to it.
I went through this with my dad and can honestly say while it was the hardest thing I've been through, I am ultimately grateful for the experience. I don't think I'll have a greater privilege than taking care of him and being there with him. I won't say it's harder or easier than a sudden death, because it's all pretty brutal. But not everyone gets the chance to be there. Sending lots of good thoughts your way Katrina
May 24, 2024
“wow i am in so much pain, i feel so ALIVE”
“i am grateful to know that i have loved, truly loved”
“may i never grow too guarded to feel into the depths of my soul”
“all my favorite artists have felt this feeling, i am bound by heartbreak to my fellow humans”
“this grief is a process of me returning to myself”
if all else fails, watch the clip from call me by your name where the dad talks to his son about heartbreak (linked)
keep a journal, be patient, show yourself as much compassion as you possibly can
Mar 16, 2024
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for me it has been helpful to frame it as getting through heartbreak rather than over - i’ve felt it is more of a journey rather than having an identifiable threshold or fixed point of being “over” the person. so - these are my main recommendations for things to do to get through the heartbreak:
this isn’t true for everyone, but for me and most people i know, one of the worst things for processing is being around the person a bit right after—it‘s like making your emotional process and brain not be on the same page—so space is probably the #1 thing i recommend as being useful to fully processing that you’re not together romantically.
music (also films/shows too) can help you feel seen and understood—heartbreak is a unique type of hurt. i have like 3-4 playlists from different heartbreaks i have been thru lol!
journaling, to process your emotions solo, though sometimes adding a therapist is needed!
hobbies (solo or with friends) so you can find ways to do positive & engaging things in your increased spare time! spend some extra time being in love with yourself. ❤️🩹
source: my personal misfortunes, trials, & tribulations in love
May 22, 2024
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it's totally cool to age and society still isn't equipped to deal with that.
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Sometimes you try your best and everything seems to hit the fan no matter how much you try, so you take that raincheck and take yourself out for a day.
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This is what I call it hahahah made by mums everywhere but the greased up version is sold along stalls in Mumbai. Two regular slices of white bread, buttered, and the middle filling is cream cheese with red onions, coriander/cilantro, tomatoes and some minced chillis. All veggies chopped mini cube size so they blend with the cheese. Toasted crispy.
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