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home, vacation, projects, friendships, dead-end jobs you though you'd seen the last of, therapy, PI.FYI. I hear it's the season of the spiral. Let go and give in. We find the meaning in the making and the living.
I hope everyone can appreciate what has happened thus far and still look forward with some sense of fun, ease, and gratitude. happy almost end of summer
Aug 20, 2024
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working from what may seem like very surface level cliches but stay w me here
((tldr: why not just believe that its all working out for the better, even if thats not what you planned? also, empathy and objectivity are a solid duo that id like to see in combination more frequently.))
putting this at the top because this is a dissertation, at best; psychosis, at the other end of the pendulum.
sooooooo the fact that u have no control over life liek At All. has been a consistently terrifying concept for FOREVER as a shorty who is Clinically a control freak, but realizing that the unpredictable essence that makes all of this shit unnerving is the very thing that can take the weight of life off of your shoulders has been pretty revolutionary.
im still digesting/integrating it one bite at a time, for sure, so call me a hypocrite ESPECIALLY if you know me personally. when in clarity, though, its been so pleasant to realize that since Nothing truly matters that much since nothing is set in stone anyway- w regard to action, approach, fulfilling temporary expectations of yourself, whether or not you reach short term goals, etc.- living life completely and utterly for yourself and whatever that means to you at any given moment will likely ultimately be the plan that brings you most fulfillment, when all is said and done.
whether that means taking the risk and changing your major, taking that freaky elective bc it sounds cool, moving in w some randos in a townhouse, quitting your job and starting something new- maybe it winds up being an epic fail, who knows? as long as youre setting goals that align with an ultimate sense of who you are and what youre looking to get out of life, which i presume can be solidified further by pursuing said experiences just for the sake of it? right? helps u figure out what u actually want? and as long as you keep bareback essential priorities straight (financial and emotional stability come to mind), then theres no reason for impermanence to work against you.
this also counts for people, as well. i feel like we hold others to critical standards, as we should, but contemporarily tend to neglect the fact that people DO change. morals/how you view the world are impacted by experience, and we are all fruits of very very different trees. completely dependent on circumstance, of course, empathy/understanding/consequential second chances are side-swept under the premise of respect/accountability. accountability is CRUCIAL, but i feel like so many of us (myself included) take that to heart and forget that figuring out how someone got to some place is a key aspect of understanding whether or not their position was truly from a place of lack of respect? if that makes any sense??
i also have been thinking about this a lot: my best friend throughout middle school and i fell out the summer before sophomore year over…nothing? idk, 3 years of seeing each other every single day (neighbors) to no contact until senior of high school- still weren’t talking regularly or anything though.
2 years ago, she turned 20. i posted an old photo of us because, despite everything, 20’s a big one.
this year, we’ve spent late nights on facetime, drove to watch the sunrise after hours of catching up on god knows what on the hill where we would listen to music while her mom cooked dinner, and she’s been my go to for any necessary bitching/ranting during whats been the worst year my mental health has ever seen??
time is your friend, if you let it be. connections arent a race in any dynamic, and it’s never over if it’s truly meant to happen.
let life change. i think.
Dec 5, 2024
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I left for a while to go on a study abroad experience. The more time passes after The Thing, the less life makes sense. I'm trying to get back to the people I used to know, to get back into the routine I had, the things I used to think.
But somehow EVERYTHING about and around me is different and I don't understand ANYTHING. My body is different, my time isn't the same and somehow even my thought process has changed.
I came back home expecting familiarity and warmth, and surprise, the world has obviously moved on (as I did) and nothing is the same, except all that is. Maybe not understanding everything I thought I had already integrated is part of growing up, I feel as if I'm shedding old skin to make room for new one, but it doesn't change the fact that I'm scared, confused, and generally don't really get the concept of time passing.
I never used to get when people said they wanted the world to stop for a second, because that wasn't me, I wanted more, faster, more, all of it. Now I get it. Let me lay here for a moment and not think about anything.
☆lookaliveodette!!!!!!☆
Feb 26, 2025
It’s been so long since I‘ve woken up and felt inspired to make the day my bitch. I miss being silly, I miss feeling gratitude. I want to notice life again; feel the pulse of the earth beating alongside mine.
I spend my time dulling myself on Instagram, or dreaming about my future in the mountains or ocean or California—somewhere magical where I’m happy.
Be where your feet are. That’s the mantra that was grinded into me a few summers ago. Be present and you’ll be happy. Somewhat, I’ve been trying this. meditation once a week or occasional yoga. But I’m not doing enough to make a serious impact.
May this post be my marker. The year is pretty much still fresh, spring is coming (hopefully), and I pledge to be more presen. I shall wake up ready to happy light and go to bed with a belly full of tea. Let the joy return!!!!!!
Feb 28, 2025
Top Recs from @kpeck
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less attachment to identity markers and more-sensory driven living/being. staying conscious and in touch with our core essence and saying yes to life when the forces that be make it very easy to say no and cut ourselves off from others and the rest of the world. embodying this truth can ignite a sense of freedom and liberation that is a sexy balm...if you are into that kinda thing
Feb 10, 2024
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nothing short of a spiritual advisor. here he is illuminating a truth I believe we all feel to be true when down and out but often forget/neglect out of allegiance to self-pity or the traps of misery. this could almost read as a hallmark card quote, but it exists elsewhere...so by default, it is its own thing.
I do not mean to be sentimental about suffering— but people who cannot suffer can never grow up, can never discover who they are.
Feb 13, 2024
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what a woman...
poster child for humility and peace
Feb 6, 2024