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as a self-claimed lover of loved, beloved of all (it’s acc what my full name means so maybe my fam created this character trait for me idk) — people be testing you.
people be inherently projecting their own problems, contingencies against thr faith of all things good, and you are left unassembling and cleaning up shit in an apartment that you haven’t lived in since June (damage deposit of peeling paint and tired souls)
It’s so hard to continue the path of grace, to be ‘the better person’ — so much of my life, I’ve contained my rage, bottled it into journal-entry analyses of ‘how to be a better person’
sometimes tho… I want to rip everything to shreds. Shout FUCK YOU not to the void of my car on long pursuits of unhappiness down the highway, but to the people who made me question my ability to love, to feel love.
I hate it all. but I gotta keep moving forward 🌧️😴➡️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥😜🙂🤞🏾
Aug 30, 2024
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i could never understand why i lacked the tools to distance myself from people who hurt me and kept hurting me. i’d always go back, i’d always “forgive,” and i’d always fawn (try and be better because it’s obviously my fault i wasn’t perfect, duh.) .
there has been a recent shift in my life where i will feel physically angry when i’m subjected to mistreatment. sometimes i’ll put it aside in favor of my fears but sometimes i feel it and let it be.. and when i do, i find i have the power to uphold simple boundaries that protect me from the mistreatment. it’s the darndest thing (would you believe it if i said i’m black?)
Apr 24, 2024
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there’s that whole thing with being a former gifted kid, or even just an outgoing person, or a highly involved/high achiever. maybe just a really happy, entertaining type.
i feel like i’ve lost that part of myself, and i’ve tried to become like other people, but that didn’t really work either. i want to be MORE, but it’s so hard sometimes, y’know?
if you feel that way, i hope you know ,and remember always, YOU ARE STRONG. existing can be exhausting, in any capacity, and you should give yourself grace for that. be kind to yourself!
Oct 31, 2024
😃
Starting to love this life but I’m still dulling over leaving some things that I think should be behind me but struggling to accept it, idk if this makes sense
Apr 6, 2025
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Apr 11, 2025
I got my nails done and I realized the star on the index finger makes the nails PI themed. Semi unconscious yet a soft-smile realization while the nail tech was painting the star on.
Dec 18, 2024
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Bring back being genuine about your suffering on the internet. was that ever really a thing? is tumblr just a social anecdote to a form of media we thought / wished we had?
*^ little miss avoidant. or maybe indirect? dw folks it was amicable! he has a heart of gold! which makes me even more miserable…
#gointhruthemotions #humanbeingbehaviour
Apr 6, 2025