As a notorious lover girl... To me the love (and pain) never truly dissappears. However, there is a big difference between still holding space for those feelings vs constantly still thinking about it.
Some general things that help a lot are to exercise (get outta your head and into ur body), make art about it! and invest in your relationships with others. Deepen the friendships you already have and see if you might know people who can meet ur needs other than ur ex (e.g. find a friend to call or text whenever, find a friend who you can have platonic sleepovers with etc).
Though the most important step, to me, is the to get angry. I need to feel wronged by an ex in a way that causes anger to really kickstart the letting go process. Sometimes that means getting in touch again with them and letting them hurt you again. Actually it always did for me. This has led me to being best friends with my first love but also to definitely not being friends with my second love. And most importantly: that I dont think about them all the time and can let go while letting them still hold special places in my heart.
Oct 7, 2024
Related Recs
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1) Express: All the pain you feel, let it out - cry, scream, punch, shake your body - it is all energy which needs to be released from the body and will help your healing
2) Process: If you are no contact with your ex, write down in a letter (with a pen on paper, not a keyboard) everything you wish you could say to your ex. Then, once it’s all out - destroy it.
3) New: Remove familiar things of your relationship out of your home. Rearrange the furniture in your bedroom and buy some inexpensive home furnishings to change the aesthetic of the room. Start a new hobby, visit new places and start listening to new music you haven’t tried before.
4) Play: Don‘t avoid pain but do distract from it sometimes - be around funny and pretty places people and things (these things were joyful regardless of your ex and they will be joyful again for you soon)
Apr 17, 2024
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I'm super against the breakup terminology in which you have to have "moved on" from something. Ultimately, this person was in your life for a very long time and impacted it in a, if not positive, at least significant way.
I totally get feeling emotionally overwhelmed from the breakup of a serious relationship and just wanting for the terrible feelings to be over and for you to be "over" something - I've been there 100% and I don't want to negate that that is a very real thing to feel.
The point I'm trying to make is - if you ended up losing a friend that you'd known and loved for the same amount of time, you wouldn't "move on" from that relationship. You would mourn, and process, but ultimately, carry them with you throughout the rest of your life. I think that's okay to do with an ex. It's okay to be like "this is a devastating loss" and to want to not feel that sense of loss so strongly, and I think the best way to do that is to just be like "this was an experience of love that has ultimately shaped me in some part, no matter how small and I will take it with me into new relationships and experiences"
You are made up of love from all the people who have known you. You can be sad about your ex, but you can also miss him! I don't think telling yourself not to feel something ever really works. Let him hang out in the back of your mind, and still know that it's over. You can do both things <3
Mar 31, 2025
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This is so hard and different for everyone, I’m 2ish years post big break up and sometimes I feel consumed with thoughts about it all, other times it’s out of my mind.
I suggest you fill your time!! I took up running, yoga, pottery, got a new job, got a cat, I try to travel, I date good amount even if I know I’m not ready for a BIG relationship I just want to keep meeting new people.
if You feel the need to talk about it but you can’t maybe try journaling or therapy? I write the worst poetry in the world whenever I can’t stop thinking of him and it gets me out of that cycle.
Love and life and heartbreak is hard and beautiful and shitty and fun!! if you’re still thinking about this person and relationship so long after, maybe you need to keep learning from it or maybe you need to cut yourself some slack!!
Mucho loveo
Oct 7, 2024
Top Recs from @jahnneke
Oct 13, 2024
I mostly do selfportraits with watercolours inherited from my mum and greatgrandma. I find that it helps me process and communicate emotions + it's easy to get reference pictures. (i also draw other people, like lovers and friends, sometimes)
Oct 14, 2024
Oct 3, 2024