I'm super against the breakup terminology in which you have to have "moved on" from something. Ultimately, this person was in your life for a very long time and impacted it in a, if not positive, at least significant way.
I totally get feeling emotionally overwhelmed from the breakup of a serious relationship and just wanting for the terrible feelings to be over and for you to be "over" something - I've been there 100% and I don't want to negate that that is a very real thing to feel.
The point I'm trying to make is - if you ended up losing a friend that you'd known and loved for the same amount of time, you wouldn't "move on" from that relationship. You would mourn, and process, but ultimately, carry them with you throughout the rest of your life. I think that's okay to do with an ex. It's okay to be like "this is a devastating loss" and to want to not feel that sense of loss so strongly, and I think the best way to do that is to just be like "this was an experience of love that has ultimately shaped me in some part, no matter how small and I will take it with me into new relationships and experiences"
You are made up of love from all the people who have known you. You can be sad about your ex, but you can also miss him! I don't think telling yourself not to feel something ever really works. Let him hang out in the back of your mind, and still know that it's over. You can do both things <3
Mar 31, 2025
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Wow thank you so much for taking the time to write this.. Youre actually so right. I think the most overpowering feeling i find annoying during this whole process is nostalgia .. its so manipulative and exaggerates everything despite how i dont particularly want to even go back.. And like u said- im allowed to want to move onto better things but also be sad and miss him. I think it just comes with accepting that it will always be there in the back of my mind. Thanks for ur input🤍
Apr 3, 2025
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As a notorious lover girl... To me the love (and pain) never truly dissappears. However, there is a big difference between still holding space for those feelings vs constantly still thinking about it.
Some general things that help a lot are to exercise (get outta your head and into ur body), make art about it! and invest in your relationships with others. Deepen the friendships you already have and see if you might know people who can meet ur needs other than ur ex (e.g. find a friend to call or text whenever, find a friend who you can have platonic sleepovers with etc).
Though the most important step, to me, is the to get angry. I need to feel wronged by an ex in a way that causes anger to really kickstart the letting go process. Sometimes that means getting in touch again with them and letting them hurt you again. Actually it always did for me. This has led me to being best friends with my first love but also to definitely not being friends with my second love. And most importantly: that I dont think about them all the time and can let go while letting them still hold special places in my heart.
Oct 7, 2024
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This is so hard and different for everyone, I’m 2ish years post big break up and sometimes I feel consumed with thoughts about it all, other times it’s out of my mind.
I suggest you fill your time!! I took up running, yoga, pottery, got a new job, got a cat, I try to travel, I date good amount even if I know I’m not ready for a BIG relationship I just want to keep meeting new people.
if You feel the need to talk about it but you can’t maybe try journaling or therapy? I write the worst poetry in the world whenever I can’t stop thinking of him and it gets me out of that cycle.
Love and life and heartbreak is hard and beautiful and shitty and fun!! if you’re still thinking about this person and relationship so long after, maybe you need to keep learning from it or maybe you need to cut yourself some slack!!
Mucho loveo
Oct 7, 2024
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it’s an emotion (heartbreak is like this too) that you are unable to understand or fully imagine until you’ve gone through it. it’s gut wrenching and you feel it physically. i don’t think it’s something you have to (or can) ever “get over”.
a lot of times people show that diagram of grief where the grief is a ball in a cube and the cube is your emotions/mind and the ball is your grief. and at first the ball takes up the entire cube. and the difference over time is not that the grief shrinks but that you get more space around it.
i think for me what i’ve come to embrace about it, as i’ve worked through grief with loved ones that i’ve lost is 1) yes, to love is oftentime to lose; but to lose is to have loved, and that is better than never having love in your life. and 2) grief does this weird thing to most of us where it pops up whenever you see or experience things that remind you of those you miss. and at first it is painful or maybe even feels like a nuisance, but i’ve come to embrace it. i am so glad that my mind HAS clung onto parts of those i loved no longer here and that i feel or think of them in those little moments. i don’t think you have to be religious or even spiritual to appreciate that one.
Sep 25, 2024
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one night stand or future spouse nothing beats the anticipation.... the build...... the mystery revealed.....
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the old-fashioned way, like you would before the entire internet was monopolised into basically three conglomerates. why would you spend all your time on your computer swapping between instagram tiktok youtube pinterest when you could find some of the coolest websites you've never heard about learning information your algorithm would never feed to you!!!!
a good place to start is your favourite artist's websites (not just musicians!) sometimes they have blogs (especially if they're writers) and often they link websites they like.
I also like magazine websites - the face, angel food, hot literati
or craigslist missed connections. I check the new york section all the time
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