As an independent, intelligent, and amazing adult person, you obviously don't need your parents to be parenting you in the same way they did when you were a kid. But you are back in their home, expressing some form of dependence on them, so there have to be trade-offs and compromises. You're gonna have to swallow your pride and choose what hills to die on.
There are going to be spaces and instances where you need to firmly and respectfully draw and keep healthy boundaries. Mistreatment or toxic words pointed at you are unacceptable. But there are also times where you are grating against each other due to reasons of personal preference or personality—and those become opportunities for you to extend grace, see the other with empathy, and become a more mature and patient person. This is good practice for future roommates, partners, etc.
It may also be helpful to have a clarifying conversation with them, lay out expectations: "We are all living under the same roof again? What are your expectations for how that will look? (And here's what I'm hoping for.)"
Nov 11, 2024
Related Recs
I spent a lot of time this past year contemplating moving out from my apartment that I share with my best friend. We have lived with each other since 2018, and have seen each other in every high and low and stuck together like glue regardless. However, over the past two years, we began to bicker a lot, stopped spending time with each other, and it just felt like there was too much resentment built up between us to continue living in the same space together. Long story short, we both ended up going through a lot of life changes and events in the last year. This all ended up putting things into perspective for the two of us.
One day, after a particularly tough series of unfortunate events in both of our personal lives, we sat down in the living room and finally opened up about all of the things that had been causing tension in our friendship. Both of us were crying the whole time, because it really sucks having to talk about each other's bad choices and shortfalls, but it was a necessary pain in the end. We both came out of the conversation feeling like a load had been taken off our shoulders. Everything that needed to be said had been put out in the open. We both went on through the following months doing our best to work on what we needed to, so that we could continue coexisting in the same space. With time, the resentment we held against the other faded, and we slowly became friends again. Putting in the work was well worth it.
Communication is incredibly important in every aspect of your life. It needs to be prioritized, regardless of how scary it is. We are all human, and all of us fall short. If you never bring up your concerns, you can't expect a person to ever change their behavior.
Feb 17, 2025
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i have noticed that people look down on people with roommates above a certain age. i live alone, and i've lived alone for a while, at an age where it would have been more appropriate (for a lack of a better term) to have roommates. now when i tell people i'm leaving my apartment to move in with my best friend, they're confused and want to know if i've thought it through. YES, i have, SHUT up.
i have a tendency to live as a shut-in, hermit-style, out of laziness and anxiety, and everything starts to get really scary after a day or two of working from home and not going outside. i know it'll change when i live with my best friend when i can just go downstairs to have coffee together, to hang out, to go to her room and talk and laugh.
i'm not made to live alone, i realize that after being certain i have to for years. i think it's just that the people i have lived with never gave me the space i need sometimes. i've grown, my friend knows me through and through. this time is different.
May 14, 2025
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been living alone since 2022 and i’ve come to enjoy it a lot but it def takes some adjusting. here’s some stuff that’s helped me appreciate it and also alleviate some of the downsides:
1. DECORATE!!!
you no longer have to share a space, go wild with making it your own! put all your pretty lil things out on display, get some art for the walls, adorn your room with personal effects. your apartment is no longer simply your place of residence, it is an extension of yourself
2. Organize and maintain the space
the only person who has to deal with your messes is yourself, but don’t let this make your mess tolerance go down. keep your space orderly and functional and enjoy the ritual of keeping your space maintained. if your space devolves to squalor, you will be the one to suffer. don’t let your space be neglected and then become a hostile environment to yourself. keep neat on the reg and treat your future self every once in a while with a deep clean.
3. Get out the house!!
one benefit of living with roommates/family is having them provide reasons to be out an about. living alone means you’ll have to make your own reasons. if you’re a homebody like myself, there can be a big temptation to spend all your time in blissful solitude. but the line from solitude to isolation can be a fine one, so make sure that as well as inhabiting your space you also inhabit your locale. get to know your new neighborhood and find reasons to regularly be out of your space. make your space where you come to be recharged and renewed and not your default spot, you’ll appreciate it more that way.
4. pee with the door open
who’s gonna stop you?????
Sep 18, 2024
Top Recs from @mattshawsome
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this is worthy of celebration: the lack of video—autoplay video, noisy inane video, panicky video, algorithmic, dumb video, rabbit hole video, any video—on pi.fyi is a good thing
Oct 5, 2024
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this is going to hurt — A LOT — but it's getting to the point where there's no other option
Mar 11, 2025