this comment is late asf but hi cool person... its a little silly but ever since i was literally in like . 5th grade i kept going "i wanna work at Nintendo and be a concept artist for zelda"! I said it so straightforward and matter of fact. I guess I left an impression on the tutors and teachers around me who constantly heard me talking about my dreams and goals for after elementary school when I was still in elementary, and even me talking about what college I wanted to go to when I was still in middle school. In sixth grade I sent a fan letter to the supposed "address" of Shigeru Miyamoto that I had just looked up on Google and instead got a letter back from "Nintendo of America Fan Mail" or "Customer Services" or something and I was so upset like "THIS ISN'T FROM JAPAN!" LOL
of course Nintendo today isn't what it used to be; doesn't have the same... charm it had when I was a kid and decided I wanted to work there, if you know what I'm talking about. And my dream has... evolved... or changed a lot. But it's still hardcore in the same vein. I want to be an animator. It's been... wow, almost 6 years ago since I fell in love with animation. Like, I've always loved WATCHING animations, but now it's that chill when you see an animation you KNOW is good; some tasty asf key frames, unique timing, smears, respect for animators who gave a certain scene such care... I be like "mmm those inbetweens are tasty asf respect to the animator who actually did all'at" and people will be like "wtf" lmao 💀 Like sorry I'm congratulatimg non PowerPoint animation!! Wait sorry Im going on a rant. Anyways. I still wanna work WITH Nintendo on a Zelda game someday, FOR SURE. Because it was Zelda that inspired me to work professionally as an artist as early as elementary school and I never lost that drive. I also love animating too and am trying to make all of these aspirations happen in a SCARILY cutthroat industry, especially with the recent rise of AI and streaming service popularity - animators have always been stupidly treated as "disposable" and it's getting worse than ever now. I graduated community college with a 2 year degree in animation this past summer (yay!) but after transferring to a hardcore 4 year animation program across the country, and especially after this semester, I have realized the horrifying truth, and experienced it myself that the "industry" is a world where the weak get CULLED, and early on. Even your personality can and will get you culled.
Still, I push on
To quote myself as a kid all those years ago: "If I have to work every day of my life as an adult (which I am now) then the only way I could stand it is if my job is doing what I love!" So, even if people tell me to give up, I won't, for better or worse. It makes me look stupid, and I often wonder: "Why keep going?" But the thing that gets me is imagining what life would look like IF I gave up. What I'd be doing, where I'd be instead. And it's a horrific, unsavory, dreadful scene. So I'll keep going, and it's those dreams that have kept me motivated for so, so long. I know this comment was also. Incredibly long. But actually, thanks for giving me a place to talk about it, since I've been going through a hard time right now... It was great to get it all out. Um... Blessings be with you, slay! :D
Dec 14, 2024
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I’m not going to call this gifted kid burnout which I think is often just a symptom of the popping of the bubble of people’s confused delusions of grandeur because they didn’t realize that gifted education programs are at best a way of giving specialized and individualized education, and at worst a way of achieving legal segregation in schools.
Not to brag, but my therapist who specialized in EMDR therapy for treating people with trauma told me that I had the most difficult childhood of anyone she had ever treated. It was also filled with beauty and I was encouraged in my many skills and pursuits early on, but the inner rot of compounded repeated traumas, keeping secrets, and hiding my suffering eventually took hold.
I was always a good student but as things at home intensified I cared less and less. A teacher noticed this and tried to take advantage of my vulnerable state. This made matters more complicated for me because still to this day he’s my favorite teacher that I ever had; he taught me much of what I know about writing and helped me to develop my skills.
After that, I spent my time in school just coasting along, putting in the minimal amount of effort to no fail. I had no goals or ambition. After graduation, I flitted from service job to service job. I started seeing my therapist and thinking about what I actually wanted to do.
I realized I had one exceptional skill which could be monetized to my advantage and I threw myself into it, grinding to make a living and improve my station in life. This worked and I live in decent material comfort, but I’ve realized the lifestyle I always thought I wanted isn’t what I want at all, so I’m reevaluating that and beginning to explore what that looks like.
There are several different exciting paths of progression my career could take, but I’m also finally working on creative projects for the first time in about a decade, so I’m going to see where life takes me. My best friend tells me I should become certified as a yoga teacher, and going back to school to study psychology and become a therapist would also be tight. I would love to seek a second career.
It took me a long time to get here but I’m trying to actualize and find purpose… Something something Maslow’s hierarchy of needs.
May 26, 2024
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A few days ago, I had the beautiful opportunity of having a short animated film I made screened at a festival. I felt so happy, like my whole body was smiling. I was deeply moved to reconnect with several artists from around the world.
I want to fulfill dreams. I want to be kind. I want to inspire and express myself. I want to look back and thank myself for believing I could create beautiful things.
I don’t want to lose this feeling of wanting to dream.
I’m afraid my soul might disintegrate in my 9-hour-a-day job in a grey office.
I’m afraid of fear itself, or of being affected by things that don’t belong to me.
I want to keep believing there’s something more.
May 7, 2025
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my coworker has been trying to get me to quit my job and move. he travels a lot and is only passing through til he can get enough money to go to whatever’s next. he‘s really upfront about why he does what he does but he’s also very genuine in connecting with the people around him. he‘s really into seeing the world in all different perspectives and nothing’s that serious to him besides his music. he just takes opportunities when theyre given to him.
we work a lot of late nights and both of us seem to be prone to conversations about The World and Humanity and all that. but where he’s been going with this is very boldly telling me im wasting my time and need to find some direction. every shift i work with him he’s telling me to just do it. move and work it out later. figure out some direction.
if im being honest (which i do recommend) i’m petrified. and i haven’t even begun to work out why that is, when i know i’m not living up to my potential. i have to stop trying to plan out these life changes i’m trying to make, big and small, and just start fucking doing it. if it works it works, if it doesn’t then i’ll figure it out.
i kinda burnt out around 20. i dropped out of college and worked a couple jobs i hated and that’s about it. i dated my high school sweetheart until 4 days before my 25th birthday last november. ive been trying to find my footing as not only an adult but an individual with an identity outside of the person they were in a relationship with, or the job they have. and again, if i’m being honest, i’m petrified to face all the time ive wasted doing absolutely nothing with my life.
i don’t want the tone of this to feel abysmal; i love my life and the people in it. i’m beyond fortunate for the experiences ive had and the love i have. i’m just so ready for change and this coworker has me thinking i should just go for it. yeah, i need to save up a little money. but i can buckle down and having the goal of moving to another state is a good reason to stop wasting so much of it on pointless stuff.
anyway, it’s 2:39am and i have to brush my teeth and go to bed. it was was a long night at work but tomorrow im gonna thank my coworker for the quarter life crisis he keeps explicitly encourages me to have. i won’t tell him i cried a little after he told me it’s sad i still work at this job, but i needed to hear that. someone needed to be honest with me
Apr 1, 2025
Top Recs from @sofii
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its so hard to even lock in in the first place but its great when u actually get in the zone bc you get so much done... just make sure to keep water and food near you and stretch 😭
ok this is also a way to say hi im still alive (went radio silent for who knows how long) (because this semester is KILLING ME) (THATS WHY I WISH I COULD JUST LOCK IN RN HELPP)
Dec 1, 2024
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it has a distinct scent, different from in any other season and smells so lovely
every time spring rolls around it serves as a reminder to me that the world is still beautiful in some capacity
Apr 11, 2024
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I LOVE BEING FREE
Dec 13, 2024