Do you feel like there were missed opportunities? Why?
- How to deal: Internalize that life is a series of random events with outcomes you have minimal control over. You have control over how you cope with those outcomes. You have control over what situations you put yourself in to create better random events.
- Books: The Art of Possibility by Benjamin Zander
You feel overwhelmed or hopeless about current events? You want to go back to “better times.”
- How to deal: There’s no such thing as “better times,” just times where we were less bombarded by an endless news cycle. Sensationalism sells - replace fast bites with documentaries and books.
- Books: Same as Ever by Morgan Housel; Enlightenment Now by Steven Pinker
You feel anxious about your current situation? You want to go back to “better times.”
- How to deal: Stop doomscrolling social media. Stop looking at what others have with envy - they made their own sacrifices that you probably don’t want to make. They’re likely living outside their means. There’s no such thing as “too late,” you’re just as capable now at starting from scratch as you were when you first started the journey you’re currently on.
You feel anxious about an unknown future?
- How to deal: The best way to shape this future and remove the “unknown” is reflecting on what YOUR personal priorities are, having an honest conversation about what goals do or don’t fit with those priorities and value, setting realistic goals, and putting together a plan that breaks your goals into steps that you can form habits around. Progress is better than perfection. Stop and appreciate what you have on the way to achieving your goals.
- Books: Four Thousand Weeks by Oliver Burkeman
Dec 25, 2024
Related Recs
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To be upfront, there are two things about myself that I love:
1. I'm tenacious AF
2. I am generally a positive person. I can handle almost any situtation, and I've had to learn to actually ask/demand more, so it's not always great.
With that being said, I've wanted to die many times. I've experienced a lot of trauma. I have PTSD for years. Things got to a point where I knew if I didn't make really drastic changes I was going to die in some way- I simply could not go on how I was.
The only thing that started to change things is when I started to learn more about myself and my reasons for doing things, being with certain people, getting into certain relationships. Part of my whole issue was that I had major trauma from childhood that I was actively avoiding. So many things happen to us as children, big and small, that we don't have the capacticy to deal with at the time. But as adults, we do.
I remember the moment where things started shifting for me. It unlocked a hunger in me to dig more and more to why I was the way I was, and why I made the choices I did, in a really deep way. I became more action oriented in facing my shit, healing it, and discovering what I was like without it. It definitely wasn't easy, and it wasn't fun most of the time, but in reality the years I spent doing that are small compared to the life I have ahead of me. I'm a whole new person, but the parts of me that are true are the same. I became a more mature, loving, responsible version of myself.
Hating your life is a sign something is not working. If you're unsure what that is, go inward. If you don't know where to start, think about the very next step. That's all you need to do. You're never locked in where you're at now forever. Don't know what you want to do for a career? Switch gears and do a completely different job. There is no timeline. You can literally do whatever you want. When I was doing a lot of the stressful inner work, I worked at animal shelters because I needed something so low stress. And I was mid 20's!!! No career goals in sight!!! Not even anywhere in my brain!!! If you're straight up hating something that is taking up most of your time... just quit it. Life is too short.
Success to me is ease and grace. I want a peaceful, joyful life (most of the time). Sometimes to figure out what you need to do, you gotta take a giant step back. Or a step to the left. Or take a big roundabout. Or maybe a quest needs to be taken...
Dec 4, 2024
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This will be a long one, sorry in advance. Coincidentally, I was recently going through all of my bookshelves to sort what I’m keeping and what I’m giving away. I found some older journals of mine; I’m historically very bad at keeping journals but I always try and usually manage a few to even several months of some years. Looking back at them was bittersweet because I was in the same boat, severely depressed most years and wondering what the point of anything was. But at the same time, I got to see things like old bucket lists I made myself and all of the things I’ve checked off. It was an interesting moment of considering what my younger self would be thinking of me and what I’ve done in the years since whichever year it each book was from.
While I wouldn’t say time makes everything better, I will say that when you just keep pushing through eventually there comes a point where you’re more at peace than ever and you don’t even realize it at first. I don’t think there’s one universal “Meaning of life,” but I do think the human experience is so complex and we have to teach ourselves to give our self some grace.
A few years ago I was at an all time high for stress, I have an autoimmune disease and the flare ups were only worsened by the stress, anxiety, and depression I was feeling, I felt burnt out and like I had put my whole life on hold for other people. I’ve since learned that while it sounds funny on the internet, free will is a beautiful thing. Choosing where and with who you spend your energy, doing things just for the love of doing them, traveling even if it’s by yourself, taking yourself out to dinner or cooking for one. I’ve learned that there’s no point feeling embarrassment or anxiety about doing things by myself because really no one is paying that much attention or judging in the first place, but I also tell myself things like “you’ll never see these people again anyway, who cares,” lol. A big one for me personally was learning boundaries and gray rocking— don’t let other people’s emotions, moods, and manipulative behaviors dictate the way you’re feeling. But all of these little, seemingly inconsequential in the grand scheme of things (especially when you’re depressed), things that I was teaching myself along the way really helped me learn to start living for myself rather than for other people or any huge existential purpose.
So, while your question was ‘what’s the meaning life’ and I don’t think anyone has a concrete answer, my unsolicited advice is that you have to keep learning yourself. How do you want to spend your time? What things spark joy for you? What things make you feel worse? Try new foods and experience new places, learn, go to museums. Pick up a new hobby. Go out in nature more, sometimes sitting in the sunshine really does wonders.
Alright, I’ll stop my little tangent now, but wishing the best🫶🏻
Apr 10, 2025
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I’ve been chronically socially anxious for most of my adult life, struggled to really break out of a shell and only had inner confidence amongst people who engaged with me initially. and trust me, the hardest part will always be the first step, because you’re almost programmed to think of those branching paths of “what if this happens?”
My main advice is to let those paths exist, but immediately throw them away, even the ones that look positive. because your brain will always take these ideas you come up with in your head and try to twist them, make you poke holes in them until they seem unappealing, or even worse, make them feel like they could end in disaster. the more you dwell on uncertainty, the more you’ll forget why you wanted to do something in the first place.
and my other bit of advice is, if you feel it, lock it in. if you want something to happen, say you will do it, and just keep it there. don’t even think about what it could lead to, just say “I want to do x, so I will do x”. from there, nothing can hurt you, you can’t hurt yourself, and even if it goes kaput, you can say “I did x.”
finally, maybe a slightly dumber bit of advice, is pick a song to listen to before doing something you would normally back out of, like it’s a hypeman. mine is “champagne coast” by blood orange, mainly because it makes me feel like a Main Character
wishing for the best!
Apr 27, 2025
Top Recs from @ohpandadear
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1) Digital detox one day a month: exercise, sauna, meditation, reflection on goals and journaling, read a book, no phone.
2) Quick clean 15 minutes a day: Spread bed; clear the sink; wipe down tables.
3) One organizing project every Sundays (write it down and rotate): clear inbox / unsubscribe; organize kitchen / entry / bathroom / living room / bedroom; shred and file physical papers; repair clothes / clean shoes; organize digital files; organize photos on phone / computer; clean up passwords.
4) Throw/donate a little every day. Use the beauty products I have until empty before buying anything new.
Dec 25, 2024
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Spicy smokey twist on a mezcal negroni.
Spanish vermut; madre mezcal; jalapeño stuffed olive; campari; ghost pepper bitters.
Dec 25, 2024
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Scales up and down to larger and smaller groups. Easy to throw in a bag. Easy to learn. Triggers fierce competition.
Dec 25, 2024