ok first of all i get it- it’s awful. honestly, i think of my work day like my own version of a "papas pizzeria" in which the pizzas are customers unfolding my perfect piles of clothing, you know?

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nothing will make you a nihilst quicker or more efficently than working retail. (EXCEPT HOSPITALITY!! love to you all x) i stg some of the people that came into the shop i was working at had been sent from the depths of hell just to test me. people who don't have anyone to bully at home will go out shopping and take it out on retail workers. also i realised that so many people go out, buy shit, go home and then return it the next day like it's a sport of some kind???????? ma'am. therapy.
Mar 13, 2025
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does it pay the bills? absolutely not! but i get paid to play cashier simulator for 5-8 hours and it requires zero mental effort
Mar 24, 2024
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This is self-explanatory i think. I need to be on my computer or phone the second it gets dark out so that i dont think about how im going to die one day, so i usually do online shopping. But of course i cannot buy the things i want due to i’d lose everything in terms of my money, and also i am obsessed with designer clothing so i really cannot be behaving in that way. But i suspend my belief and open 100+ tabs of clothing/shoes/accessories that i like from TheRealReal, cos, ebay, to name a few and then just as i’m finally starting to get sleepy, i “apple Q” thousands of dollars away without ever adding anything to a cart so that i can start over the next day. It is like “50 first dates” but with retail therapy. Does this make sense?
Feb 15, 2024

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i think my main resolution is to come to some sort of internal conclusion with myself, that being me is o.k. i’ve spent a considerably sized amount of my time on earth (a mere 16 years) picking all the facets of myself apart; why am i this way? what is the cause of my action and reaction? etc. i would like to practice some gratitude surrounding the fact that through hardships and self curated issues i am me. i am the beautiful and flawed by-product of every stupid decision ive made and maybe im not perfect in my own vision, and yet i am, nevertheless. i do not have to perfectly fit this strange list of categories to be a cool person, to be a good person. and then perhaps my second resolution is to find a passion. over the last few years of pulling myself out of slumps i seem to have lost any passions or sense of purpos. i have this strange deflated sort of career focus, but no hobbies. i work and i see my friends sometimes. i drink and i smoke, but i do not want to become what i have seen too many of my beautiful friends become. i need a silly hobby. maybe pottery, or cake decoration. something to distract me from the nine pills i take each morning just to keep me alive. goodnight and happy new year.