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ā
Is it all that we wanted?
This longing.
I'd rather be dead than hungry.
I'd rather be destitute than fed.
The river bed is dry and I'm weary,
It takes a man years to float
Where the water's
Few and far between.
Like touching a wild animal.
Arroyo in my desert where the love should be.
I bathe in sand and loss
And hawks flying through.
Nothing to own
Or some wanting to prosper.
Only the Sun burning-
Hungry and wailing
To get to you.
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šThis poem is so striking and pulls on my heart strings in a violent way I havenāt felt in most other writing, especially the excerpts below
I want to live longer. I want to love you longer, say it again, I want to love you longer & sing that song again. & get pummeled by the sea & come up breathing & hot sun & those walks & those kidsĀ & hard laugh, clap your hands. I am not ready to die yet.
& when I go or you go, let me see you again somewhere, or you see me. Isnāt that you, old friend, my love? you might say, while swimming in some ocean to the small fish at your ankle. Or, Werenāt you my sister once? I might say to the sad, brown dog who follows me down the street. Or to the small boy or old woman or horse eye or to the tree. I know I knew I know you, too.
I want to live longer. I want to love you longer, say it again, I want to love you longer & sing that song again. & get pummeled by the sea & come up breathing & hot sun & those walks & those kidsĀ & hard laugh, clap your hands. I am not ready to die yet.
& when I go or you go, let me see you again somewhere, or you see me. Isnāt that you, old friend, my love? you might say, while swimming in some ocean to the small fish at your ankle. Or, Werenāt you my sister once? I might say to the sad, brown dog who follows me down the street. Or to the small boy or old woman or horse eye or to the tree. I know I knew I know you, too.
Feb 13, 2025
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šµDoes this make me feel like yearning?
Not sure.
Maybe some combination of:
kerouac hungry
chipped porcelain coffee cup
sand, beach, book towel
windy sand in mouth
squinty eyed Eastwood
her
longing for her
I see her in the mistakes
in the distance
in the future
taking a punch
landing a punch
taking another punch, then a kick
smiling through bloody teeth
getting back up
going to the diner
yearning
longing
hope
hope
4d ago
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šOcean, donāt be afraid.Ā
The end of the road is so far aheadĀ
it is already behind us.Ā
Donāt worry. Your father is only your fatherĀ
until one of you forgets. Like how the spineĀ
wonāt remember its wingsĀ
no matter how many times our kneesĀ
kiss the pavement. Ocean,Ā
are you listening? The most beautiful partĀ
of your body is whereverĀ
your motherās shadow falls.Ā
Hereās the house with childhoodĀ
whittled down to a single red tripwire.Ā
Donāt worry. Just call itĀ horizon
& youāll never reach it.Ā
Hereās today. Jump. I promise itās notĀ
a lifeboat. Hereās the manĀ
whose arms are wide enough to gatherĀ
your leaving. & here the moment,Ā
just after the lights go out, when you can still seeĀ
the faint torch between his legs.Ā
How you use it again & againĀ
to find your own hands.Ā
You asked for a second chanceĀ
& are given a mouth to empty into.Ā
Donāt be afraid, the gunfireĀ
is only the sound of peopleĀ
trying to live a little longer. Ocean. Ocean,Ā
get up. The most beautiful part of your bodyĀ
is where itās headed. & remember,Ā
loneliness is still time spentĀ
with the world. HereāsĀ
the room with everyone in it.Ā
Your dead friends passingĀ
through you like windĀ
through a wind chime. Hereās a deskĀ
with the gimp leg & a brickĀ
to make it last. Yes, hereās a roomĀ
so warm & blood-close,Ā
I swear, you will wakeāĀ
& mistake these wallsĀ
for skin.
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āThe night air is crisp, not cold.
Every street is like a highway at 5 am in the late Summer
And kids are screaming drunk on the periphery.
I'd be a bastard if I didn't say it makes me feel like God.
Late night urgent care, the river bank, atm machines.
My store front eyes are wide shut-
Like a solitaire flush-
Like a raging storm-
Waiting at the bus station at 5 am,
I am an electric lightpost and a schedule board.
And my bed is too warm.
Jan 10, 2025