1. Pride. I'm proud of myself 🩷
2. Greed. I like money and the prospect of power. Health may come and go, but money is forever 💋 One doesn't live out of love either.
3. Gluttony. I feel decadent when I'm able to indulge.
4. Lust. I see a similarity in it to greed that isn't necessarily correlated to sexual desire, but rather a persistent hunger that sticks with me.
5. Sloth. These days I'm busy but my true nature resides in doing nothing and embracing the horizontal lifestyle.
6. Wrath. I feel like I've been expressing it more when I feel mad (before, I used to be reserved about my feelings), which is good, but if I feel to much of it, my head hurts.
7. Envy. I don't necessarily feel envy. I do take inspiration from what I see and it sticks with me, but I do not wish ill upon people who would be considered to have it better than me.
Jan 21, 2025
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I got no idea how to even begin describe my resentment (and guilt because of said resentment) towards my friends who have it better than me.
I once had to sleep with no heater (on winter!) because I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to pay the bills. Another time, I literally passed out because I didn’t have any meals for 24 hours. I had work, then class, then more work that I just forgot to eat.
I’m in infinitely better place now - I could send my Mom money and I have an average savings on my account. I also maintain friendships, many of whom with people that come from better families than me.
i promise you im not always so resentful. But today, when a friend of mine posted a random compliment a stranger gave (“you really have it all! A career, a startup of your own, and youre good at sports and so hot!“) and I just couldn’t shake the ugly green monster inside of me. He was born from a wealthy family — with more than two businesses and expanding, he is athletic because his family could afford all the extra classes and he has been sheltered from all the financial stress and family stress that he was able to study well, got into good university, and the rest is history.
I feel so so awful for feeling this way. He has never been mean to me and i know for sure he is humble enough to not rub that off in front of his friends (incl me) but i just cant shake this ugly feeling.
A, i’m so sorry but i think i will stop coming to badminton games for awhile now. i’m so envious of you :(
Jan 1, 2025
🧼
Sadly I’m often afflicted by heavy guilt. Last Sunday I decided it was too much and I engaged on a series of small acts to help me process my big collection of guilts. It can look like texting people back or reassuring yourself that you’re acted righteously or acknowledge you’re letting yourself be affected by outside judgment or shit talking someone to your friends or saying fuck it out loud. Journaling about it, shooting darts on a printed piece of paper, taking naps, making soup. Whatever it takes. You will know. It won’t always work, but it’s usually soothing. Guilt is a stupid feeling, I’m tired of feeding it.
Jan 17, 2024
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