đź’”
Basically what several others have said, but just want to emphasize that often when the timing is wrong, something else will be wrong at a later time that will make it clear to you there was no way you could have brute-forced that relationship to ultimately work well for both of you. I’m happily married with no regrets right now, but I’ve taken comfort before in loving the ones who have “gotten away” from afar by imagining how happy they could be with someone else—because if I truly loved them, wouldn’t I want what makes them happy, even if it’s not with me? And what a gift to truly love someone even when they can do nothing for you in return… it says something about your capacity for love, even if it exists alongside pain or loneliness.
(that said, yes it can hurt like hell and it sucks)
Jan 27, 2025
Related Recs
đź’—
Every person brings different qualities out in us and our connections with these people lead us down different paths. These missed connections aren’t even necessarily about the person themselves but about the life you could have lived together and the changes they would have brought about in you. It does require a kind of mourning to be able to let go.
It’s tragic when there’s someone you feel so compatible with but the circumstances just weren’t quite right—I’ve definitely experienced this myself—but these connections exist in their context. Everyone we touch can’t be our forever love, but they can stay with us forever in our hearts. Love can take so many forms outside of the confines of a traditional relationship. Think of what you shared with them as a gift, rather than dwelling on what could have been.
Jan 26, 2025
❤️
truly nothing has altered my life in the way romantic love has. I was always so afraid of vulnerability and touch but once you start and even fail, you grow so much. Honestly, the trials of it are the most revealing. It seems so so scary but it is worth it always. And you both have to start from somewhere!! You are lucky that you’re friends and can hopefully work on communicating what you both are feeling in this moment as well.
Maybe it does come a lonely place, but imagine if you healed that loneliness? Or even got an inch closer to understanding how to fill that void?
The relationship may not be forever. This is true of any relationship. Have you had a turbulent friendship so far? If there are situations where this person tried to purposefully hurt your feelings, I’d reconsider. Otherwise, if you’re honest and communicative along the way, I think you could maintain that stability with them. I’d find ways to keep your sanity as well (journaling, going on walks, talking with [other] friends), as someone who has felt “crazy” in love
It’s hard to change and allow change into your life. But how will you know what life could be like if you don’t try? It’s hard to force yourself to do it. I’m such a worrier; I even started writing fears and desires down about the slightest changes, only to look back days later even to see that they’re resolved and petty. Change can hurt you and scare you and make you look back at your past self and wonder how that was your life before these moments, but it is always worth trying something different, seeing your life in a different light.
One of my favorite quotes is from “Giovanni’s Room” by James Baldwin:“Somebody….your father or mine, should have told us that not many people have ever died of love. But multitudes have perished, and are perishing every hour--and in the oddest places!-- for the lack of it.”
This is all very lovey-dovey but I really think it’s worth seeing if it works, openly communicating with this person, and letting the change pass over you!
Nov 18, 2024
now i am a very lucky person because i am in love with some who was once one of my best friends. (sadly this rec probably isn’t universally applicable but contains good lessons i hope!) i’d met him during the first week of freshman year of college, and we immediately became close. hung out a ton and related on a lot of issues/values but our interactions were always platonic.
by wintertime we were being seen together around campus a ton, to the point that our acquaintances started asking whether we were a couple. we’d laugh at the idea, even joking about it ourselves. oh how oblivious we were.
spring rolled around and i suddenly caught feelings. for a couple weeks i tried to convince myself i didn’t like him because i was so afraid of losing our beautiful friendship. i thought it impossible that he would feel the same as me. yes, pretty torturous!! alas, my Emotional Suppression didn’t work. thank god, because one night when we were hanging out in my room he finally kissed me. i had been so afraid but instantly i knew it was right. the risk was worth it.
we’ve now been together for almost two years and he is truly the love of my life. he is the best risk I’ve ever taken. yes this is so platitudinous, but sometimes love comes when you least expect it and appears in odd places!
more generally, i think
- looking for people whose values align with yours is a wonderful place to start establishing intimate and long-lasting relationships, both platonic and romantic.
- it’s never worthwhile to force something to work out if your gut tells you it’s wrong — you’re worth more than that. love doesn’t thrive when it’s fed by obligation and pressure.
- don’t be afraid to present yourself in your full authenticity to others. if someone else has a problem with You in your Grandest Expression, they’re not worth your energy. love is meant to affirm and expand who you are, not place boundaries on it.
- go on self dates and explore what it means to have a loving relationship with yourself! you, as a singular self, are already whole and enough without having a partner. you are complete as a baseline regardless of your relationship status; a partner is meant to complement and embrace this wholeness!!
love is ridiculous and hard and beautiful; trust it when you feel it!!
Nov 10, 2024
Top Recs from @thickrimmedgirl
bc it’s what I originally wanted when I first went to college at 17 but I was scared to make writing my job and got a B.S. in Nutrition instead lol
Now the goal is an eventual PhD in Victorian Literature but I’m just happy to have made it through this part at 32!
Stacked is everything I read in my English courses—barely pictured are the 5 stuffed accordion folders of other reading materials under my chair haha
May 16, 2024
đźšż
the only place i win the social interaction
Aug 21, 2024
🏆
conflusional. delonfident, even
Oct 1, 2024