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Because after so long I saw a person who was so intertwined with my life once upon a time and the only thing we did, before she moved to another country indefinitely, was party. And in that club in the city at two am, I really thought I could party forever for her and maybe for myself a little bit too.
Jan 30, 2025
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it’s a love song to me, it’s yearning, it’s me
Feb 14, 2024
Mar 10, 2025
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everyone's about brat summer, i call party 4 u summer
the whole album's a 37min5s banger
Oct 30, 2024
Top Recs from @sybille
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It pains me to be here. It pains me to have become this person. It pains me to know I’ve spent all of my life chasing something that was never meant for me, knowing I’ve wasted twenty two years of my life for this. Oh honey you deserve it. That’s all I hear because so many people warned me, so many didn’t believe I was good enough and I made it my life mission to prove them wrong. My high school friends never thought I would enter medical school, my science teacher in high school told me the first day to quit. And I proved them wrong I guess but what is left of me. All my life I needed to be good enough to justify all that my parents gave up for me, to justify all that I sacrificed. All my life I needed to be good enough to deserve love. I constructed all my life around the idea of being perfect for others to regret their words or for others to think I was worth loving, existing. So i’m here now with nothing that is mine, without goals that weren’t first my parents’, without love for myself that wasn’t first validation from strangers.
Now I see people making a life for themselves. People who seemed so far behind me once upon a time, built a life for themselves without misery. They grew up while I was stuck here, miserable just like when I was a sixteen. What happened?
What do I do now? I feel so fragile, so aimless, so spoiled, so ruined. All I ever did was being a good student. I am an adult now and it’s not enough anymore, I cannot hide behind books anymore. And when I took a breath I was left behind, cannot start again because if I don’t have the admiration of other people what do I have? Once I might have loved medicine.
But I don’t have it in me, the vocation to be a doctor and, after realising it, I stayed anyways. How I can come back from that? I don’t know how to begin again from nothing. All I know is I’m unhappy here, I’m unhappy with the person I’ve become. All I know is that I’m searching for the courage to disappoint myself.
I hope my mother can forgive me, didn’t make her proud
Mar 29, 2025
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one of my old faves, back in high school I was really angry and this song channeled all that frustration
Jan 14, 2025
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I have many favourites (I wasn’t an ipad kid I was a tv kid) and I know they are not exactly the most prestigious tv shows but they are always meaningful, at least to me lol.
Raising Hope
Please like me
Buffy the vampire slayer
Don’t trust the b- in apartment 23
Jan 21, 2025