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I have for the longest time had a long ongoing story in my mind that I think about whenever I’m bored.
Waiting in the line at a grocery store? Sitting in a waiting room?
Let me think about this story with these characters in my head.
Free TV with my imagination.
I have tried writing it down several times but it just steals the magic. There can be plot holes and things that don’t make sense because nobody knows about this.
Probably a symptom of my mental illness but I quite enjoy it.
Feb 8, 2025
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i was a voracious reader and a bit of a loner so this was a logical progression. it was a form of escapism for me and i loved inventing new worlds. i unfortunately began to hide my writings when my mom stumbled upon one i wrote from the perspective of a medieval peasant living in the midst of a plague and it scared her into thinking i was deeply troubled for a while. she still brings it up to this day. but i kept it up for years. i still have bits stories that i started in even in college that will likely never see the light of day but i look back at all of it fondly and still love to write today even if nothing came of it :)
Oct 17, 2024
Words appear as I think them like a karaoke video in serif font on a white background. Sometimes I’ll be doing the dishes and I’ll start repeating paragraphs I’ve drafted and editing and rearranging them and adding to them in my mind and they shift around visually as I’m doing it. Sometimes other words or phrases will get caught in there and they’ll quietly pass back and forth like a sky banner. Songs are often drifting through—right now it’s Pale September by Fiona Apple—and if there’s a particularly beautiful or resonant part it’ll loop through that snippet a few times.
I think almost entirely in words, in monologue and in text, with very faint flashes of associative images—I imagine this is to protect me from the dark and horrific things I’ve seen in my life that would be too much to bear if I were to be exposed to them in such a visceral way. I can’t rotate or even envision a shape to save my life.
Rarely, strong images will appear to me in conscious life—I remember lying in bed, about to fall asleep, and suddenly seeing from the point of view of an investigator entering a pitch black cave with a lantern held in his hand as his only light, about to discover something terrible, no doubt.
My dreams are vivid and laden with powerful symbolism, and usually there is a sense of being too afraid to fully step into my power or claim what’s mine.
I have the memory of an elephant, with everything filed in nearly chronological order. I’m sure I tend to embellish and dramatize without realizing but then I think my memories speak to a certain distilled emotional truth, more accurate than pure facts. Sometimes there are some incredible blind spots in my perception that I don’t realize existed until years later.
I analyze and intellectualize everything. I’ve been told that my mind is obsessive and tends to fixate. Sometimes the emotions that I keep trapped in the basement push their way up through the trap door and threaten to stampede me as their captor but I manage to stuff them back down again until I’m ready to let them go; some of them may never see the light of day.
Feb 15, 2025
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Sometimes in my mind I call myself a writer. And i ramble on for hours in notes all alone. I write and write like im pouring my soul into a cup for the worlds consumption. But after hours of writing i realise its just me sitting at the table sipping wistfully at that cup i thought i was pouring for others. And so it happens again and again and i write in ways that make me feel mighty and profound but in reality that might just be from the toxins my body creates in the process of constant regurgitation and consumption. So yes to put it plainly i would love to be part of this. I want to try share my cup and for people to either reject it or consume it. Even if no one drinks it at least there will be other people at the table beside me.
Feb 2, 2025
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Before I eat I’ve started to pray before meals. I pray for everyone involved in the cultivation and creation of my food. From the farmers, to the grocery clerk, to my roommate who sits with me while I cook.
Helps me remind myself that even something as small as my meal is a part of a bigger community. Maybe it does nothing, maybe attunes myself to others around me (especially to migrant farm workers + their struggles), maybe it’s just sending good vibes.
Feb 11, 2025
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You do not need more advice.
Or practice.
Or thinking about it.
Stop talking about it. Actually do it.
Do it in baby steps or in giant leaps…but just go do it.
I wish I traveled/worked out/spoke more languages/read more/made more art/knew how to do XYZ type conversations do not get you closer to doing it.
Book that class, pick up that paintbrush, save that money for your flight, download those language apps and use them, buy that book.
shut up and do it!
With love
Feb 8, 2025
Looking for cheap simple vegan meals?
Countries with a high Orthodox Christian populous fast from meat, dairy, and animal products for more than half the year. Typically you can find a treasure trove of meal ideas from these countries googling the term fasting foods plus the countries name
I.E.
Russian fasting foods
Greek fasting foods
Belarusian fasting foods
Ethiopian fasting foods
Simple ingredients, vegan, and different. Part of the ideology is that fasting food should not be overly complex so you will not be hunting down ingredients
Mar 5, 2025