Cementing yourself as a real person that plays a role in the "ecosystems" you occupy (classes, work, friend groups, etc.) can go such a long way when you're trying to show up better. It's also a really important part of living with purpose, if that's your thing, and a really great way to create a concrete reminder that you matter! You don't have to be flashy about it, you just have to remove the cloak of anonymity.
There's this BC,NR lyric that goes:
you're scared of a world where you're needed,
so you never made nice with the locals
Maybe this seems a bit dramatic in the context of going to class, but hear me out. Maybe this is easier said than done, but hear me out!
Make nice with the locals.
Sincerely, of course. Carve out a role for yourself in your classes. That can mean regular or high-qual participation, or it could just mean saying "hi" to your professors and the people you sit next to. Become that person who asks and answers questions, or that person who always asks how your weekend was. Letting yourself become anonymous makes it so much easier to skip class ā huge lectures obviously don't help here, but making a friend to go to class with might do the trick.
Feb 9, 2025
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People often seem to mistake knowledge for personality or proof of intellectuality. They find it prudent to inform you that they know of this or that and they already found this idea or person or thing. But this comes out more like acknowledgement, to reveal they too acknowledge the existence of something rather than truly understanding thier stance or having any sort of perspective on it. They say all these things but sometimes it feels dire, as if trying to prove something. Now, what you say matters, but what you do counts. So, yes you may have heard of this band before, you may know global warming is on the rise and you may have thought to make that cool art piece before, but you aren't just what you believe, you are also what you do. So, please act on these thoughts, these feelings, in your everyday. Do not procrastinate on your passions, do not force a picturesque verson of yourself into someone's head. EXPRESS YOURSELF and you will no longer need to flaunt the existence of these things in your mind, for you will have already displayed them through your actions, and they will have expressed themselves subtlety through your conscious.
2d ago
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Firstly, Iām so sorry youāre feeling that wayā thatās really crummy, and Iām sure that once you feel that way everything feels like confirmation of being unspecial. But in a very very real way, you might be bored with yourself because you know yourself so wellā other people donāt know you. You could walk into a bar or a cafe or an event and you would be new to at least one person there. If you feel like you arenāt interesting conversationally, are you a good listener? In a very honest way, the people Iāve found hottest and most intriguing are always good listeners, and people who are quiet and incisive. Itās okay if you donāt talk on and on; a lot of āinterestingā people are just filling space with noise. Noise is always briefly exciting or interesting, but that doesnāt mean it has substance or adds value. Trust me on this, Iām a performer and frankly so many nights Iām just making noise.
So first piece of advice is, approach yourself as if you were a strangerā look at everything about you like youāve never ever seen it before, and start to notice what you like. Then build on those things. Like, itās okay if you hate your clothes, but do you have one jacket/shirt/earring that you love? Wear that so much, and slowly look out for pieces that make you feel like the thing you loveā itās okay if it takes time, the outfits that make me feel dynamic are all cobbled together from stuff I found over years.
Then look at other people, what do you find interesting about them? I am a knockoff of every woman I ever thought was coolā my summer camp counselor, my gender studies TA from my first year of college, my mom, and literally everyone else. Thatās okay though, mimicking what you like is a way of developing your taste, and you will put yourself together in a way thatās a little different and totally your own.
Itās okay if it takes timeā sometimes we have seasons where we donāt like ourselves a ton, but they do pass, and who you will be in a year is a brand new personā you havenāt met them yet, and you might love them. Tiny practical advice? Go for walks; itās good for your body, it releases endorphins, and it gives you a chance to people watch/observe nature. Read something small; it can be a single poem, or an essay, or a childrenās bookā I love Howlās Moving Castle and if Iām feeling stuck in a rut I read that, even though itās a childrenās book. If reading isnāt your thing watch a movie or a TV episode, but whatever you consume, watch it and take notes, like youāre a secret criticā note what you liked, whether itās costumes or language or the vibe, and what you didnāt, and then you can find more things like itā thatās how you develop your own taste, and itās a good way to develop language around art and media.
All critics and essayists and everyone whose job is to write interestingly about art started with shit they liked in middle school, and built on that to find their own languageā you can do that too.
Sorry for the hugely long post, but I promise that you are more interesting than you give yourself credit for, and there are people in the world who will see that.
Feb 19, 2024
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Some people are just better at handling it than others. Remember that itās likely nobody is thinking about you as much as youāre thinking about yourself! If people are judging you, this is something you can either learn and grow from if you do something legitimately wrong, or theyāre just being rude and critical for no reason and thatās a reflection on them. Give others grace, patience, and the benefit of the doubt and hopefully theyāll do the same for you.
Not everybody will like you and thatās okay! And as much as we would like to think we can and as much effort as some may put into it, we can never truly control the way others perceive us. Find ways to develop self esteem and confidence that comes from within based off of traits you admire and respect about yourself regardless of what other people think.
I would recommend that you undergo DIY exposure therapy by throwing yourself into lots of social scenarios big and small that make you blush and shake and feel like you want to crawl out of your skin. Go into public places and force yourself to make pleasant small talk with strangers + share something small about yourself with them! Ask people about themselves! Go to a party or an event and make it a goal to talk to X number of people.
But also remember that you donāt have to share your whole personality with everyone you meet and depending on the context and circumstances it may not even be appropriate to do so. So maybe start with identifying aspects of your personality you want to show most consistently with everyone you meet and go from there!
May 16, 2024
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